senja keempat.

senja pertama, aku mengantarmu hingga dermaga,
dan berbalik pulang sebelum jangkar ditarik.

senja kedua, aku terbang melintasi aurora,
lalu berkereta, melihat matahari berkejaran dengan kabel listrik.

senja ketiga, amarah memaksa kita berjalan dalam diam, berdua
hingga salju memaksa kita berbagi bangku halte yang sempit dan tak henti berderik.

senja keempat, ...
senja keempat kupotong kecil-kecil saat ia masih nila,
kubagi sama rata ke dalam seribu kotak,
kuhanyutkan mereka kembali satu-satu pada kali pukul tiga sore, dengan kamu yang tersenyum saja di atas batu di sampingku,

agar mereka nanti tiba tepat waktu : sebelum senja sempat mencari keping-kepingnya yang hilang kita curi, empat senja yang lalu.

hujan.

pada payung-payung yang terbuka,
di atasnya adalah lantai dansa para hujan yang mencari-cari kekasihnya.

mereka bertemu di tengah riuh,
saling bertukar senyum dengan berselancar,
lalu menghangatkan diri dalam tanah,
hingga akhirnya ada cium selamat tinggal, pada pagi di atas daun,
tepat sebelum beranjak menuju langit hari.

pada payung-payung yang terbuka,
ada kesendirian yang berteduh, dari hujan yang (didengarnya) saling bercinta.

29.2

selamat hari Joker!
(Joker berwarna, atau Joker hitam putih?)

dan saya masih mencari-cari, kapankah hari Joker kedua itu sebenarnya.

dan di tengah-tengahnya saya merasa dunia sedang berkomplot menyuruh saya untuk melepaskan apa-apa yang memang sedari awal tidak pernah bisa saya genggam. dia juga bilang supaya saya berhenti menjadi hantu bagi diri saya sendiri, menghentikannya bergentayangan dalam pikiran maupun hati saya.

karena sebelum proses, segala sesuatunya adalah pilihan. tidak lebih, tidak kurang.


mudah-mudahan hari Joker berikutnya bisa saya rayakan berempat, masing-masing dengan tigabelas kartu di tangan, dan dua joker yang hilang. mungkin karena sudah ada gantinya : cinta dan percaya.



.
harus membaca sekali lagi : Dunia Sophie, Misteri Soliter, dan Perpustakaan Ajaib Bibbi Bokken; padahal Maya saja masih belum selesai.

bad boy.

Listening their music now, and then go back a little from when they've just started, I must say they're becoming artists, not mere idols. They're just too good (as well as uniquely too individualistic)  to be called a boyband (for now). I've just listened to the whole album and did not regret for having it pre-ordered. The album is just worth listening. Honestly it's rather beyond my expectation nor prediction. Well, there's a song which I don't really into it, though, but overall I heart it, much! Too much I don't really care about how they looked like nor how their style is anymore. It's enough that I could smile over the music for an overflowing sincerity and honesty those made the language difference no longer become a matter.

Okay. I'm starting to get biased.
Gotta stop.

Well, one more thing anyway : for you your taste, for me my taste ;)

. . .
ps : Songs from their latest album were mostly to be listed in my "songs from back then" playlist :)

period.

be seeing it with binocular : 
a treeless hill and a loveless senses. 


should the distance fitted to lenses :
and the sound of blizzard first arrived at early spring.


while the picture lasted as long as your stare,
the sight of scenery was stored at back of your head.


and for a repetitive pain killing,
(which were none worked) the anesthetics were there for one simple reason.

nadi.

jantung redamkan detaknya,
darah putihkan merahnya.

biru-biru mengucur deras dalam diri,
mengikat pergelangan dengan mimpi-mimpi yang jadi temali.

nadi bercinta dengan kehidupan yang tak berhenti lahir,
mencuri darinya nafas segar-segar.


lalu terlupakan : seonggok jiwa pemutus nadi hati,
dewa kematian bertudung putih berpedang jeri.

bejana.

sudah siang.
air mata yang tertampung sejak tiga hari lalu menguaplah.

sudah tiga hari,
waktunya memaafkan mungkin...
meninggalkan cincin kebesaran berbentuk matahari pada dasar bejana..
membakarnya, hingga tak sempat pecah berkeping.

sudah malam.
bicaraku pun tersendat air mata yang tertelan.

sudah tujuh minggu,
waktunya menguak tirai mungkin...
mengintip matahari sungguhan..
yang Tuhan bilang sudah rindu mati padaku, pada "selamat pagi" dariku tepatnya.

sudah pagi.
ternyata Tuhan tak kunjung ambil ingatanku.

.
mudah-mudahan melupakanmu tidak membuatNya mengangkat bahu.

addictive blue.

Released February 22th, 2012 at 00.00 South Korea's Time, the viewer count on Youtube is now 7,562,959 with audience coverage on almost all over the globe, and still counting, for sure, plus a Silver Medal for Recently Most Popular Video and a Gold Medal for Trending Video. While in my playlist, the play count for the song has reached 530 for its repetitive plays starting from the release time until now, along with two other songs' teasers. It's just addictive, like a never ending cups of black coffee. I can't stop listening to it, and will never get enough of it, not until I'm too full and having an overflow of it in my mind.

It's just addictive, like a limitless of blue, both beyond and under.

sunday zodiac signing.

#Aries have their own definition of friendship which doesn't include much touchy-feely sentiment,or constantly being in each other's hair.
-- This' quite explain the way I tend to be solitaire, but I don't mind at all seeing such on dramas, novels, or comics. I see that kind of friendship is actually wonderful, yet it's just not my kind to have. And it took me some time to accept that.


An #Aries INSTANT STRESS-BUSTER: A long drive. It's an easy way to feel that at least for this moment, you'll in control of SOMETHING.
-- This is the very reason I need to learn how to drive a car. I mean really drive, bravely drive in the middle of Bandung's crazy traffic. Gosh, I think I'm a little to late for it, no? 


#Aries prefer to face the truth of something, deal with it, and move on.
-- Is something I'm still currently working on, especially the last one.


Arguing with an #Aries is like arguing with somebody that doesn't even care about the topic, they just argue for the sake of it.
-- LOL! This is somewhat true :) Will try to fix it ;)


#Aries, #Cancer, #Libra, and #Capricorn usually responds to conflict with a bold, decisive, and instinctive action.
-- Well, I enjoy decision making, as well as enjoying it when later I found out it was a wrong one. As for me, decision making is about making decision, not about making "the right" decision". And yes, this is due to my tendency to make decisions intuitively, not logically - well, even though most people around me often mistook that I'd only do analytic thinking rather than sensing the feeling.


The Behavior of an #Aries is Sensitive, mostly to their own needs, rarely to the needs of others.
-- I admit that my strongest weakness, aside from any random fear I have, is being egocentric.


Traveling Style by an #Aries: When you travel, you literally want to see a whole different world.
-- See the magic of perspective! With my own eyes.


As an #Aries you are certain and confident when you choose to love someone.
-- That's why I no move on move on >.<


As an #Aries Your ideal partner: Someone stylish, attractive, and fit who can keep you going.
-- Come to think of it, almost all of my past crushes had their distinctive style, which any of it I considered as stylish, and really were attractive in their own different way. It's just seem I'm not (stylish enough to) fit in any of them ;p


Shopping Style by an #Aries: An Aries is like a hunter with a mission; in and out in a hurry; good intuition. They do better shopping alone.
-- Window shopping is window shopping. The shopping itself is another different thing.


Source : #Aries from ZodiactFacts


. . .


Ok! Enough having a short fun for today.

berhitung adalah pekerjaan menyebalkan dan memusingkan, apalagi jika yang dihitung adalah kebahagiaan.

- pernah menjadi penggemar berat mata pelajaran akuntansi dan penikmat mata kuliah kalkulus (walaupun nggak pernah sampai dapat nilai A)


#yalagian #bahagiakokdihitung #bahagiatuhdirasa #kokinitumblrpindahkesini

[ . . . ]

jika air mata adalah kata-kata,
yang derasnya terperas habis oleh serupa pedih,

aku ingin bertanya satu saja :
Tuhan, bosankah Kau melihatku dengan mudah mengalirkannya?


jika senyum tertinggal adalah cendera mata,
yang tertinggal oleh angin penyaput kelabu,

aku ingin meminta satu saja :
sunggingkanlah ia lebih banyak lagi padaku, Tuhan...

jurusan vs keahlian, dalam kelakar

Melihat linimasa twitter hari ini yang sepertinya cukup heboh dengan "Jurusan : ... Keahlian : ..." dikaitkan dengan urusan percintaan, saya jadi tidak tahan untuk tidak menuliskan ini :

Jurusan : Perancangan Lanskap. Keahlian : Membuat sistem percintaan dengan matriks mimpi yang masih buram, patch yang harus diambil dari masa depan dengan komposisi bidang hijau yang harus dicuri lihat dari daftar di tangan Tuhan, dan koridor penghubung yang tersembunyi di balik semak-semak.

#pret #panjangkalipun #itulebihdari140karakterwoi 




Atau ini :

Jurusan: Lanskap. Keahlian: menanam benih2 cinta di halaman hatimu. *nanem pohon di halaman rumah kali* *terus kapan bisa foto keluarga di bawahnya?*

#krik #nggakbakatngegombalemang 

blue.

Yes. I'm officially in love with this group. And it's not because I love blue, both as word and color, that I too love their newest single entitled "Blue". I can't find any of their past songs which the music were similar to this one, as for the mood it brought somehow reminds me of those came by listening to "Haru Haru", mixed with "Tell Me Good Bye" and "Koe wo Kikasete". Well, this is not the point though. I must say, "Blue" stands for itself :)

Another thing to love is their singing, what else is there. Unlike their previous songs, I think "Blue" has let them to sing their warmest voice out. Honestly I'm a little bit surprise hearing it, mostly at Seungri's singing that became much more steady. GD's rap sounded to held back so much emotion, while TOP's rap was getting softer than those he's usually done before. Daesung's voice is the strongest as usual, but there's something different on his way of singing, I can't tell exactly what it is. And Taeyang, this time I don't find his voice as dominating as I usually feel whenever I listen to their songs. Well, all I wanna say is that this time I feel all of their voices blend perfectly each other as well as with the music.

As for the MV, honestly I was shocked when seeing leaked photos of their  MV making in NY. The outfits and the style are actually not those I would normally like to see. But, surprisingly the MV turns out super fine. I never thought they would wrap it up like that, a rebellious-look style as that in "Haru Haru" MV presented elegantly as that in "Love Song" MV. I definitely loving it! *okay, I might have exaggerating* Seeing the MV over and over again, I'm struck with GD's first part followed with Daesung's part. And to think that this song is about loneliness, this MV delivered the message well enough. It's not the bright-sky-type-of-blue, but more the-deep-ocean-type one.


Can't wait for their complete Mini Album to be released in February the 29th ;)
Meanwhile, just enjoy the song in this beautiful MV on their Youtube chanel and check out the translation of its lyrics here in Soompi.

It's bluetiful :)

Welcome back BIGBANG! It's good to have all the five member stay together :)

from east to west.

Today i watched the 17th episode of HIMYM series season 7. It's when Ted asked Robin, "Do you love me?" and Robin replied, after some awkward pause, "No", I realized a thing.


Before any other journey I'd love to make in the name of move on, of which I must do it perfectly, first of all I need to go the east. Meet him, and tell him in person : "You knew I love you, right?" But I won't ask such tricky question as, "Did you ever love me?" I want to completely move on, don't I? There's no necessary point anymore in knowing the answer, for now -- well, it would be completely different if I were to do it back in 2007, which thankfully I did not --. 


I just want to end every smallest bit of my heart from keep running around him. Him. A man I've always wished  -- not for dating me, but -- to marry me, to be the first member of my own little family, to be a father of a baby boy and a baby girl I've always wished to have one day -- supposedly these days --.


By doing so, then should I be able to seek another him. The real him. A man whose name is literally written besides mine on God's secret journal. 


. . .
This note is a fictional work. To be elaborated later.

aku ingin bercerita : hanya pada dunia. karena ia mendengarkan, bukan menebaknya.

complicated.

happiness is simple.

so simple that nobody else but ourselves would ever understand,
so simple that only in on our own consciousness we know happiness doesn't need to be understood.


(what each of us called) happiness is simple. so simple that the world sees us as complicated creature.

[music] feist - intuition (piano version).

today my twitter timeline is quite full off people talking about Feist. a little i know about her through her song "inside and out" which was my friend's selection to be compiled in a cd as our graduation souvenir back then. the song sounds nice, yet her songs were not really in my playlist. 

apparently today she did a live performance in jakarta. am not going of course. one of my fellow whose timeline i follow (whom i'm pretty sure was attending the performance) just post a comment stating that she sang (finally) her song called "intuition", a mellow-ballad song, according to him. have a liking toward the word 'intuition' itself, plus my usual curiosity-in-a-sudden, i browsed the song on youtube, found the song and not really into it, and found its piano version.

i heart it. 

just like my fellow has said, a mellow-ballad. five times replaying it just set the mood right : mellow. i have to get out of here, as soon as it might possible...

things to pray for, today.

dear God,

i shall pray for Your kindness to remind me whenever i put things only within the reach of my own perspective, as it might be wrong no matter how much i insist that it's right, that i should place it on bigger framework instead.

i shall pray for Your guidance not to let me misread any phenomena, as it might be a mere mirage.

and i too shall wish for a bigger heart and a peaceful mind.

therefore i wouldn't make any decision which could bring harm instead of bliss.


aaamiiin to that. and a thank You is never enough.

#

Tuhan pun terjepit logika benar dan salah makhluk-makhluk yang lahir dari tangan-tangannya,
padahal sedari awal sudah Ia berikan sedikit ruang, untuk sedikit diriNya, di dalam makhluk-makhlukNya.

Sedang Ia sendiri bukanlah semata logika,
yang bisa dikenal sebatas paham, namun cukup sampai pada yakin.

Lalu siapa yang bisa pertanyakan, "bagaimana dengan rasa?"
Rasa, anugrah yang menjadi amanah setiap mereka yang lahir atas ketetapanNya,
tapi mungkin menjadi saru ketika ia melebur dengan sang yakin.

Abu-abu ada karena ada hitam juga putih,
di antara punggung-punggung yang beradu ada pedang bermata dua.

.

untukmu yakinmu, untukku yakinku.
dan tak ada kebenaran yang lebih sejati selain dari yang tertulis dalam kitab rahasia pada pelukanNya.

for things i missed

the birthdays
the engagements
the weddings
the pregnancies
the newly born babies, and new parents
the second child
the promotions
the launches
the crossed bucketlists
the graduations
the publications
the awards and the trophies
the failures
the bitterness and the sorrow
the struggles
the business plans
the circle-gatherings
the reunions
the parties
the lectures
the war and debates
the ladies night outs
the postcards
the visualized dreams...

...and all that matters,


i'm sorry.

in a speed of light...

There's no definite reason of why I'm so in love with Einstein's theory of relativity. Not until I watched "Einstein and Eddington". It's just like what Eddington said :

"Einstein says that time is not the same for all of us... but different for each one of us. It's very hard to conceive of such separate views... of such relative ways of seeing. Today is the first day of a new world that is much harder to live in, less certain, more lonely. But which has, at its heart, human endeavor. One man has shown us how. Look at what one man can do. In this man's work, in the beautiful complexity of the new universe he has shown us, I for one have no doubt. I can hear God thinking."

It's been a while.

Lately, I've been missing a certain person. A lot. I'd even wished to go say "hi", put a smiley icon, and continued with "you got it all wrong, boy, you really got it all wrong...", and ended it with a griney icon, on his wall. I know he won't give any reply. I know for sure. I just wanted to tell him that I did remember his comforting words back then. Oh, and I wanted to tell him that I'd just watched a tv series called 100 Questions, and there's this guy named Wayne who resembles him, too much (well, of course he was way much cooler than Wayne, I guess). And I couldn't hold my tears when hearing this Wayne guy said something like, "well if it's me, I'd stop looking and let him come to me..." (yep, that was on soulmate seeking matter). That's just too similar to what he'd once said to me.

"tenang Wid, nggak usah dicari... pasti nanti akan ada yang dateng kok..." 

A package of simple line, wrapped with the usual sweet comforting smile of him, our best of friends.

. . .

We love you.