suatu hari kesembilan.

ini adalah bulan menutup malam dalam tiga hitungan,
lalu membuka pagi pelan-pelan dalam dua hitungan, yang berkali-kali.

Tuhan tidak tidur,
tidak terganggu oleh denting lonceng pada penanda waktu setiap ia terbuka dan tertutup.

Ia mencatat setiap hitungan yang keluar dari mulut para pemimpi,
Ia mengingat setiap hitungan yang tunai dari hati para pendoa.

ini adalah bulan dengan ribuan bintang penjaga langit,
siap menemani perjalanan setiap doa yang terpanjat,
hingga selamat mereka sampai di meja sang Tuhan.

Kids, you can ask the universe for signs all you want, ... But ultimately, we only see what we want to see when we're ready to see it.

(How I Met Your Mother, Season 5 Episode 24 - Doppelganger)


[journal] one at a time.

feels like, in all of sudden, in a mood for this song.

i've just found out that i did too much things those now slowly causing damage to myself. i really don't know whether i could fix them all or not, but am trying. maybe must do it harder and harder, and of course one at a time. well, maybe this is another different road towards patience, since i usually want things to be all done in one time, not that in short-cut-kind-of-way but rather that in super-flash-kind-of-way. now i arrived in a point that there's no other way than keep calm and keep fixing things. that's why nowadays every time i meet the term "keep calm", i do keep calm. because i am fully aware that panicking things will only worsen the  damage.

so, i'm sending this message to the universe, by keeping some distance to it (well, if it feels so, anyway), "please, don't mess with me. not with my mind, not with my ego, and at most not with my heart. unless, of course, you'd love to clean the impact."

there's no meaning of feeling comfortable if it's, in return, gives you inconvenience. and i could never apologies enough to myself.


"Even if you don't understand the language, you can still love the music."

- CL / Lee Chae-rin of K-Pop Group 2NE1 (taken from here) -

how i love the quote, although to me, loving songs those meaning i understand are more preferable. it's good to get the poetic of the music, it would be as beautiful to understand the poetic of what it tried to tell the world. hence, learn languages :)

untuk mimpi yang pernah sekali tertitipkan, sungguh Tuhan tidak pernah lupa...

(suatu hari pada suatu jalan, suatu malam pada suatu persimpangan)


[journal] an old thought.

one wise friend of mine whom i respect much once said, (not specifically to me, though) more or less,  

"why worry for things those are absent, 
why not cherish those are present?"

that was on one super hectic day in early 2005, but sure it is one of great footprints i treasure. he might not realized how much that lines meant to me.

and nowadays i repeat it countless times, just to make sure i stay sane enough to separate dream from greed. 


[journal] kloter dan Rotterdam.

selamat ulang tahun, hey kamu dan kamu yang di atas sana!
tolong lihat sebentar, apakah langit malam ini tersusun oleh bintang yang rapat-rapat...
apakah ada satu, dua, atau seribu malaikat yang sedang sibuk mengatur bintang-bintang itu,
agar tak bersisa secuil pun celah...

dan, kalian bahagia tentunya?
Ramadhan di atas sana, apa rasanya... :)

ohya, kamu yang pergi duluan, 
andai sekarang ada di sini, ingin rasanya merajuk sedikit... "ini kloter terakhir! tapi aku tak juga terangkut... bagaimana dooong?? >.<"

dan kamu yang menyusul tak lama,
sungguh, aku ingin sekali mendengar cerita tentang Rotterdam di matamu :)

aku kangen kalian. kangen sekali.

semoga bahasa doa manapun sampai padaNya, 
menjadi penghapus dosa dan pelapang ruang berdua pada langit.

keep calm.

...and keep calm.

and deal the things with style. with my own style. on the right place.

and do (always) remember there is God for all the uncontrollable. 

these are my mantras for these days. and believe it or not, they worked :)


tujuh menit.

kuminta waktumu tujuh menit, tuan.
tentukan saja tempat dan waktunya,
(tapi kalau boleh aku memilih,
tolonglah pilihkan sebuah persimpangan empat arah,
dan pilihkan pula waktu di mana matahari bersahabat dengan bayang-banyang).

tujuh menit saja, tuan.
kuminta waktumu.
dan hatimu.


dan biarlah menit kedelapan menjadi rahasia sebuah catatan tentang pertautan.
atau tentang sebuah selisih jalan.


botol kaca.

ada masa depan di dalam botol kaca.
ia terbungkus air berpitakan mahkota tujuh bunga merah jambu yang mengambang.

ada laki-laki wangi melati,
yang memegang erat si botol, seakan ia adalah cintanya.

takdir tidak berbau harum.
kekasih yang habis mandi kembang,
hanya akan bernamakan belahan jiwa 
manakala mahkota bunga pada rambutnya meruapkan wangi menembus penciuman tuhan.


pukul tujuh.

pukul tujuh malam adalah waktunya untuk bercerita tentang minggu.
tentang hari-hari yang menguap.
tentang hari-hari yang belum masak.
tentang hari-hari yang masih ada dalam angan.
tentang hari-hari yang sudah terkotak dalam lemari.

pukul tujuh malam adalah waktunya untuk berjalan cepat-cepat.
dengan tas cangklong besar berwarna coklat.
dengan sepata putih berhak tujuh senti.
dengan gelas kertas berkopi.
dengan buku poket yang tak cukup masuk dalam saku.

menuju stasiun bawah tanah.
untuk kereta terakhir,
yang sudah bergegas tiga menit yang lalu.
meninggalkan lalu lintas di atasnya,
dalam gemuruh derap pencari rumah.
pukul tujuh adalah waktu di mana jalan pulang menghilang,
tenggelam bersama ingatan yang terbuang, demi mimpi untuk menjadi.
change for the better,
never change just for the sake of change itself.


[journal] off July.

It's less than twelve hours toward another conference, yet I haven't finished my presentation >.< Yet surprisingly I don't feel that kind of panic attack. Well, guess those d-1 (uhm, not really that d-1, though) "please make a presentation" have trained me well enough, yes. In the other hand, I found compressing my 71-slide-thesis-presentation into 25-30-slide-only-conference-presentation is actually challenging rather than stressing. Well, again, the drilling was it. However, I never be the one who do the presenting. *okay, there the panic come*

So, a quick scribe. I've just finished reading the first chapter of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I must say she nailed it. She really knows what concrete things those contribute to ones being happy, not just that, "well, be happy". Happy is indeed a 'be' even from the start.

Or maybe she just chose the perfect hints to put in her first chapter, it's about Vitality : Boost Energy. That's just one good way to start. Anew. So here, instead waiting for January, I decided to start doing it now in July. There's no definite reason why I feel the need to start 'the project' soon. It might because that July is the first month in the second half of 2012. It might because that July is a symbol of summer. Well, just as simple as that. To start, I won't break down the plan here, that's for my offline journal. Instead, I will start it with a "to-do-list". Not that kind of "must-do-list", but more of a "want-do-list".

Why "want"? Because I want, not need, these to be done :)

  1. Have one empty box in my room, leaving some spaces for good things to come.
  2. Do my first postcard-series-project. And definitely send some of them to some ones in the West.
  3. Block two posters for my room : the pinky pointed shoes with music sheet, and the beloved boys.
  4. Visiting beautiful Kala and her mom, for sure.
  5. Making a pastel colored portfolio.
  6. Start drawing (again). I owe myself a #30dayssketching. Shall I start with a tree house?
  7. Arrange folders for the double big-B. Yes, they require some cleaning, not clearing.
  8. Buy one pair of proper shoes. I mean it.
  9. Buy one proper lady-like bag. Semi-formal tote is fine. And, yes, this too I mean it.
10. Buy one pair of proper blue jeans. Again, I mean it.
11. Eye check! Replace the sunglasses frame.
12. Starting shaum this year peacefully, in just any aspect.
13. Say hello :)

That's a 13 of July. Happiness is a determined mind away. Might as well be true.


[journal] the age of 14.

of all the wonders of any kind of human's tendencies,
one thing that made me curious to the maximum level is

how come old people forget the fact that once they're all just 14?
that's just the most wonderful age in life, the age when you could make some mistakes and people would surely forgive you, well, yet you rather assumed that they didn't, isn't it?

maybe that's just my imagination :)
meminta hati untuk berbicara lebih keras.
meminta kepala untuk redakan gaduhnya. sedikit saja.

agar dunia dapat tetap dengan putarannya.
dan jiwa dapat diam dengan pendengarannya.


#longstoryshort 3