too many signs i must try hard to interpret. my brain burns as the sun. my heart itches as the mosquito bit. too many pauses those couldn't be undone, yet times, as you know it, never stops. 

there are days when sunsets were orange, rather than red. a perfect round of orange. those days, the orange days. the days arrived through your presence, unprecedented, unpredictable. just happened.

these days are busy days. sunsets barely had colors. sunsets barely acted as day's second bookmark. time, as you know it, never stops. never listens. never sees. 

a one fine day awaits, though. another different perfect day where sunsets fall, just like an orange from its tree. with a pair of hands to catch it, with a laugh following a yell from inside the house. grandpa's.

a day i'll be able to reach, with your presence, once again. similarly unprecedented. predictable. and this time, it's us that make it happen. 

and then, there will definitely be a sunrise for us to start another chapter of sunsets catching, with an orange in our pocket.

(notes : this is not a translation of the song. but rather, this is an interpretation of the drama's opening of which this song is one of its soundtracks)


[notes] Rules are made to break.

Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist. - Picasso.

Just now I stumbled on the quote. A nice one.

You know, I always, I mean always, hate the statement "Rules are made to break." What do these people really know about making the rules, anyway? Do they ever really think about purposes, often complicated ones, those underlie the making of rules? Or, do they ever really think about anything?

Having the rules ahead of us is much like having some stranger confronting us with an "hey, you, i love you!" Well, you are given either an "hey, you, i love you too!" or an "hey, you, i don't love you. sorry.", or an "who are you again?". No definite response will be noticed by the time the confrontation started.

Of course, breaking a rule is an option. But what on earth the breaking thing would mean if the rule itself isn't fully understood at the beginning? What really is there to break? Are you sure you're breaking a rule? Or are you just making a shortcut passing your laziness to try understanding things?

If you can take as much as "chaos is the absence of order", why can't you take more on "what's forming an order so that its absence could bring a presence of its opposite called chaos"? How far are you willing to understand the word "opposite" itself here?

"Rules are made to break." So how can you mark it as a complete sentence?



kusapa matahari atas namamu,

kurasa pagi kembali lupa, ia bukan pemiliknya yang satu-satunya.


it's a clean start.

forgiving. accepting things out of my power to control. 
the academic career path. academic writing practices. 
the PhD plan.
scrap-booking : documenting - clean the mess. 
more exercises, more journal making. 
and start looking, in a free-from-pressure way.
Seattle / Berkeley / Edinburgh / Newcastle / Sheffield.

this' not an easy year, anyway