[journal] planning a trip (2)

Now, it's time for the wishlist!

Soon as I realized that my oh-please-don't-say-the-number birthday will be coming in another six months, I decided to plan a trip as a birthday gift to myself. Let's say on my birthday I'd still stay single, then it'll definitely be a solo trip. Otherwise, let's just hope it'll be my honeymoon ;) ;) ;)

Well, I'm not yet coming with a fixed plan, just some ideas of where the destination should be. Or should I say, where I want it to be. Here's some list, and mind you, this is a WISHLIST. If you ever know me in real life, please don't check it with logic.

So here we go :)


1. Ubud, Bali, Indonesia.

2. Pantura (North Coast), Java, Indonesia.

3. Bromo Tengger Semeru National Park, East Java, Indonesia.

4. Site of Majapahit Ruins, East Java, Indonesia.

5. Footprints of Old Kingdoms of Sunda and Java, Indonesia. Purely to fulfill the need on finding my roots.

6. South East Asia : Malaysia (torn between Malaca and Johor Bahru) - Vietnam (still too can't decide for Hanoi or Ho Chi Minh City) - Cambodia (for its Angkor Wat for sure)

7. Singpore! Enough said.

8. Mecca - Madina. As a Moslem, I think it's natural that I put Umrah and Hajj to my prioritis :)

9. China : Hong Kong - Shanghai - Beijing.

10. Japan : Tokyo - Kyoto - Osaka.

11. South Korea : Seoul - Sejong - Incheon (featuring Songdo).

12. Spain : Andalusia - Barcelona.

13. The Netherlands : Amsterdam - Rotterdam - Delft.

14. The Europe : Frankfurt - Prague - Paris - Bruges - Freiburg - Vitoria Gasteiz (curiosity to the max) - Tuscany

15. The United Kingdom : London - Edinburgh - Nottingham.

16. The Forbidden : Alexandria - Petra - Jerusalem - Istanbul - Santorini.

17. The Old Dream That Won't Fade Away : San Francisco - Denver - Boston - New York. And oh plus Toronto, Canada.

Ummm...that's quite a list.

Now that I recheck them, it's not all of the list I want to visit ALONE nor for mere vacation. Furthermore, with some logic *doh*, not to mention only with a six month preparation, some just kick itself out the list. And yes, to think again, some of them I want to visit with my future partner of life. Some of them I want to visit with my future little family. Some of them I want to visit with my parents as a gift trip. Some of them I want to visit during my future PhD study. Well, some of them are still good as destination for the awaited solo-birthday-trip, though :)

Let's rock plan it! Please be good, Universe...for the fated itinerary and unexpected encounters, the places, the time, the footprints, and the pocket ;)

[journal] planning a trip (1)

The idea of being a solo traveler both thrilled and challenged me. However, in doing certain things that normally people would do in groups, such as watching a movie in cinema, eating out in restaurant, sipping coffee in cafe, and travelling, I prefer doing those on my own rather on groups. Well, sure with safety and convenience considered as top priorities, altogether with the budget, no need to tell ;)

Until today, I've only made a total five times of solo travelling. Not all fully solo, though, and not so much of numbers, of course, but sure more than enough to be grateful of. Here they are :

The first one was back in February 2007 with destination Singapore. The trip was initially meant for having interviews with two architecture companies of which I applied before. Both were failed, just for you to know *doh -___-" But I didn't regret the trip. It ended up with me strolling around the city for the rest of the days, contemplating much on "do I really really really want it or do I, actually, only think I wanted it?" Until the plane landed me back home, I just couldn't answer that.

The second one was in January 2008 with destination Malang, East Java. This one was originally done to attend my friend's wedding. At first I thought I would meet other friends either on my way or meet them there in Malang, but eventually all of them did not come. Well, the good things were my friend's family came to pick me at the train station and brought me to my friend's house, and I didn't need to think about the accommodation. The hotel was already booked and it was close to my friend's house. She also gave me some notes for some routes of public transportation, so I could do some wandering around for the free time, which was not too much. Practically I did not get a chance to explore the city by myself, but attending the wedding was enough. It was always good to spare your time attending friends' weddings, something I must admit lacking of in doing nowadays. Well, the only part I did not like about the trip was the fifteen hours sitting in the train, back and forth, that's it.

The third one was in August 2008 with destination Semarang, Central Java. This was another not-so-solo-trip since I did it as part of visiting my grandma and aunt. However, most of the strolling around the city for photo hunting were done in solo mode. Except for one or two walks which my aunt came accompanying me. The trip was definitely a good good break for me who lately was fed up being a part of some international conference committee. And then I realized vacation is indeed a need.

The fourth one was in March 2009. That was DEFINITELY my first REAL SOLO TRAVELING ever, with destination my favorite city : Yogyakarta. There's so much to tell about this trip, yet I might be three years too late for it. But I made a promise with myself to tell stories I haven't told. Well, I always found writing poems regarding the feeling I had toward almost all of things happened in my life as good and enough. But I did sometimes feel that telling the story as it was is just as good. So here, I am now making the list of stories I always wanted to tell yet I haven't done so. And the list does not contain only stories about my solo travelling. It also lists my other kind of travelling, the books I read, the music I listened to, the movie I watched, the shows I attended,... let's just say that was some kind of way for me to appreciate things those have made me feel so alive these past years, despite all the disappointments and broken hearts. Once in a while, it's actually good to be a stranger to yourself and eventually realized that despite all, life is good :)

The fifth trip was done recently, literally going to Solo for the sake of watching Matah Ati performance. Well, that one was not a real solo travelling though, since I've spent some of the trip with a friend and also some other new friends. It was fun, though ;) And I realized that some cities will remain as my favorite cities, after all.

Well, let's the stories queuing. This time hopefully not for too long ;)


you want it?
think again!

oh, you actually do think of it?
guess you don't really want it, then.

(me, at the bathroom after a summer end, 2012)

[music] Nell - The Day Before.

i love this song so much.

the sadness it carries, the semi-de-saturated video, the hurtful beats,
and the music that told a story about "what if".

what if the day before i chose to stay by your side.

damn it!
you just know there are always another different version of any story ever told in this world,
or you don't?

you know that's not only those differences with so much like coming from the opposite poles
deserved a happy ending love story.

if so, what about us?
we're no where coming from any of those poles
(well, they do have something in similar : both were coming from poles!)

now, now, what about us?
what about both of us those came only from nowhere,
and met also in the middle of any random story?

can't we also have another version of our story?

and so there'll be a day where i could tell my son and daughter :
kids, you should know that your stories started at the day i chose to stay by your father side

instead of telling this :
kids, everything started at the day i chose to keep my first love save and sound in the past.
so now let me say this, "when you once had your heart say 'don't go!', then trust me, 
trust your heart. it takes everything to say those words.
don't you ever go."

i wish so.

what if the day before i chose to stay by your side.
the story might still stay the same. as much as it might go on different way.

i miss the almost us.
as much as i miss the never gonna be us.

merah #3

bunuh diri tak berarti darah,
tak berarti merah.

kecuali baginya : hati.
sampai mati jadi saksi
bagaimana denyut jadi memerah
dengan nyawa yang meregang paksa.

bunuh diri tak berarti merah,
tak berarti air mata.

kecuali baginya : dasar ingatan.
sampai mati terus mengaduk
rekaman masa yang datang dan pergi
yang selalu cair oleh teriknya kesendirian.



merah #2

mungkin bulan ada untuk jadi tempat sembunyi
dari kejaran masa berangka

mungkin bulan ada untuk kita jadi saling berharap
sambil berlempar canda :
itu kuning!
bukan. itu merah!

padahal kita sama-sama saling tahu,
keduanya bukan masa depan.


dear fanboys and fangirls,

most of times,

just like how the comments outcast the real news,
you displaced the smart phones. the movie. the drama series. the music. the idols. the mayor. the ministers. the presidents. and even the religions. the, in fact, real things. with some unnecessary acts.

most of times,

that went without understanding much of what you actually defend.
defending is fine. yet once it's slipped into offending, which sadly happened all the time, that'll be a way different stories. an over dosage, to that a reaction, is never a good thing.

so, dear fanboys (and girls) in the world...
keep calm and think straight.
defend what you need to defend, in other words : as long as love is enough, be it :)

when we all think alike, no one thinks very much.

- Albert Einstein.

so... great minds think alike is somewhat a big lie, no?


merah #1

kamu bilang,

jarang-jarang matahari semerah hari ini,

coba minta sejumput pada langit,
sebelum habis ia jadi hitam untuk satu putaran.

gunung #5

mungkin ego saya memang terlalu tinggi untuk tidak berkata "tidak ada penyesalan"
bagaimanapun, penyesalan memang tidak ada gunanya, itu adalah sebenar-benarnya
dan saya, terlepas dari tingginya si ego, sungguh tidak suka membuang-buang jatah 
hati dan pikiran untuk sesuatu yang tidak ada gunanya

tapi, jika boleh ada satu saja pengecualian,
jika boleh saya matikan suri si ego sebentar saja,
saya ingin sekali bilang begini
bahwa saya setengah mati menyesal
akan ada banyaknya dari masa usia belasan dan awal dua puluhan 
yang tidak saya habiskan dengan naik gunung.

tersenyum melihat matahari datang pelan-pelan
mendengarkan indonesia raya sayup-sayup
melihat merah putih kecil yang terbawa berkibar-kibar
dan pastinya menulis puisi tentang kesendirian yang sejati.

itu saja.
dan percayalah, penyesalan ini ada hanya untuk penyesalan itu sendiri.
bukan untuk membuat saya merasa buruk, apalagi depresi.
bukan untuk membuat saya merasa rendah, apalagi tidak berguna.
ia hanya mau bilang,
kata siapa tidak ada mimpi yang kesiangan?


karena rindu tidak pernah punya alasan untuk menghampirimu.
ia tidak lahir, tidak juga mati. seperti cinta. seperti energi. seperti massa.
ia hanya perputar, antara pengembaraannya dan tempat pulang.

karena rindu tidak pernah tau apa rasanya hati yang dihampirinya,
kadang dengan diam-diam, kadang dengan keributan luar biasa.
ia hanya merasa terpanggil oleh hatimu, maka tanyakan saja padanya.

kenapa aku rindu padanya.


gunung #4

usiaku termakan kencangnya detak nadi,
sementara bersisa panjang perjalanan yang masih kelaparan
juga pencarian yang tetap pada dahaganya.

dan rumah yang belum selesai,
dengan kotak surat warna merah dan pagar kayu bercat putih aster, setia di sebuah ujung.

gunung #3

aku kesiangan. untuk sebuah saja senja di code.
malam datang terlalu cepat, memakan lampu kota pembingkai si kali besar.

aku kesiangan. untuk sebuah harap-harap ragu yang pernah terlintas,
waktu itu ada kamu di sebelah.
pagi tak bisa menahan kelabu turun dari gunung,
bergumul dengan biru sang bayangan langit tengah pulau.

aku kesiangan. untuk sebuah senja yang merah.
kereta tak mau menunggu penantian tanpa jejak yang dikenal.


gunung #2

waktu itu...

tangan kiri ayah menghalangi sinar matahari pukul tujuh pagi,
ia itu lewat sedikit dari sinar-sinarnya kala terbit yang memilin detik-detik dengan halusnya.
tidakkah kamu pun terpukau?

tangan kanan ayah memegang erat-erat pundakmu,
kamu ingat? ia bilang tegas-tegas :
naik sampai puncak, supaya kamu adil, tajam pikiranmu dan halus perasaanmu.

aku di sebelah kananmu,
berjongkok, sibuk merangkul badan kecilmu
sambil lalu berbisik :

lihat langit biru di atas? ia adalah batas yang menembus batasnya sendiri.
di sini tempat yang sempurna untukmu membuat janji dengan diri.
di sini adalah sedekat-dekatnya jarak antara kamu dan hatimu.

...waktu aku masih percaya pada negeri bernama dongeng

gunung #1

dia bercerita sebagai perpisahannya ;
tentang langit malam utara yang mampir ke selatan untuk pertama kali.

katanya :
negeri dongeng itu tidak benar-benar ada,
ia adalah muka bumi yang tak pernah terlintas dalam benakmu untuk tersenyum padanya.
sekali ini saja, kamu harus percaya.


api #5

aku terbakar.
asap yang mengepul adalah ampas cemburu, dan seburuk-buruknya dengki.

aku terbakar.
tanpa pertanda apa saja yang tersebut sebagai alasan.

aku terbakar.
mungkin sebanyak hirupan nafas.

aku terbakar.
lalu sebelum hangus, ada ingatan berkelebat.


aku dan kamu, dulu, pernah bersepakat mengelabui tuhan.
sebelum kita diluncurkan ke dalam perut-perut bunda,
kita tukar hati-hati kita dengan penuh hati-hati
lalu kita berjanji,
tak kan mati oleh diri sendiri,
sebelum nanti saling bertemu dan kembali bertukar hati yang sebenar-benarnya
milik masing-masing kita. dan lalu hidup tua bersama.


kupegang janjiku, dengan segenap percaya kau pun begitu.

bulan biru.

bulan menyapu langit bersih-bersih
hingga tiba waktunya matahari berbalik
meninggalkan jejak bernama gelap

bulan lalu berpendar biru
seperti langit, namun lebih kecil,
sendirian, dan tampak kesepian

bulan biru,
terasing di antara gemintang
ya, seperti kamu



september mendaratkan hati pada landasan pacu
yang tersusun sambung-menyambung oleh mimpi-mimpi tengah malam
yang kadang membuat mata ingin tutup rapat-rapat selama-lamanya
yang kadang membuat pikiran gerah oleh hiruk pikuk yang terpaksa

september merapatkan hati pada baris-baris janji
yang tersusun oleh sepotong-sepotongan ingatan
yang kadang saru antara ilusi dan kenyataan
yang selalu menemukan jalan untuk menampar diri di saat genting

september mengaitkan hati pada anak-anak panah
yang terbidik seakan pada sembarang, namun sebenarnya pada satu titik nol di sana
yang siap melesat hingga sejauh tak percayanya mata
yang meyakini busur sama siap menemaninya berkelana

september, begitulah ia datang.

{[( o )]}

pelukan udara itu sejati,
tidak menyesak, tidak melega;
menyatu seperti semesta dan isinya
sebelum manusia di antaranya.

ketulusan itu hanya Tuhan untuk menilai,
"bagaimana menurutmu?" tak masuk dalam reka;
semua demikian adanya
sebelum anggapan mencacahnya.

[journal] three of three.

k e e p  c a l m
d o n ' t  h a t e
move out off the circle

api #4

ketika lagu yang sama,
bagimu "terbit kau hari", dan bagiku "senja akhirnya tiba"
lalu kita saling lihat dengan mengerutkan dahi
ingat-ingatlah dia yang bernyanyi
masih bertugas membawa sang lagu satu lingkar lagi.

api #3

ketika punggungmu ada untuk kupeluk,
lalu dadamu untuk kutangisi,

adakah mata dan hatimu tetap untuknya yang ikut menepuk pundakku dari belakang?