. let me go .

. . .

"They say that time flies

but you keep breakin’ its wings."

. . .

. . .

"You wish me well.

You wish me well.

I wish you hell."

. . .

(Tablo - Eyes, Nose, Lips Cover via YG LIFE)

“It is never my custom to use words lightly. If twenty-seven years in prison have done anything to us, it was to use the silence of solitude to make us understand how precious words are and how real speech is in its impact on the way people live and die.”

— Nelson Mandela

"At this stage in your life I don't think you're going to write anything worthwhile, no matter how much time you put into your novels," Miu said, calmly, unhesitantly. "You've got the talent. I'm sure someday you'll be an extraordinary writer. I'm not just saying this, I truly believe it. You have that natural ability within you. But now's not the time. The strength you need to open that door isn't quite there. Haven't you ever felt that way?"

"Time and experience," Sumire said, summing it up.

[Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart]

[catatan] tentang hujan.

Saya adalah perempuan penggemar tulisan, dalam hal ini puisi dan lirik lagu, tentang hujan. Rasanya tidak pernah bosan mendengarkan kata "hujan" sedemikian sering terlontar. 

Jenuh, tentu sesekali ada.

Lalu saya bertemu sebuah film animasi Jepang berjudul "The Garden of Words" - yang sejujurnya belum saya tonton - dengan lagu-lagu temanya yang hampir semuanya 'berbau' hujan. 

A Rainy Morning.

Greenery Rain.

Rain of Recollection.

While Hearing Sound of Rain.

A Silent Summer.

The Afternoon of Rainy Day.

Mendadak rasa jenuh itu hilang. Mendadak ada sosok hujan yang lain yang saya kenal yang bisa kembali saya tuliskan (atau sekadar lamunkan). Tentu saja, karena hujan adalah satu kumpulan puisi tersendiri, yang seperti dirinya juga : tidak akan ada habis-habisnya. Ia mungkin hanya belum turun. Atau, ia hanya terlihat sama begitu saja dari waktu ke waktu. Padahal tidak pernah demikian adanya.

Tidak ada hujan yang pernah sama.

[music] epik high - "Oceans. Sand. Trees"

(notes : Tablo wrote the song, and I wonder was he also the one who 'played the piano')

i fell in love with the song the very first time i heard it.

it reminds me of an imaginary place somewhere strangely familiar :

so far in physical distance, yet so close to heart.

oceans. sand. trees

depth. length. eternity

to sail through accumulated fear

to break journey into milestone

to never end a for ever

.

ps :

i miss you.

too much a city that now has you in. too bitter a milestone. too sweet a destination

once a strangely familiar imagination

- - -

[film] catatan tertinggal tentang RECTOVERSO.

Menonton Rectoverso, bagi saya, adalah menonton bagaimana cinta-cinta mencari jalan. Jalan keluar dan jalan masuk. Dari hati, ke hati. Tagline-nya "Cinta yang Tak Terucap" cukup menjawab hati saya yang berdenyut kencang sesaat setelah selesai menontonnya. 

Bahwa ada logika-logika yang tak bernalar. Bahwa ada tanda-tanda yang menolak untuk terbaca. Bahwa ada pesan-pesan yang bersembunyi di balik punggung, atas nama penantian yang bersaling-silang. Bahwa ada cinta yang cukup berbentuk sebidang punggung. Bahwa ada perjalanan rasa yang bercabang, tanpa sebuah niat mematahkan.

Dan saya pun (akhirnya) harus berbesar hati menerima adanya cinta-cinta yang tidak (perlu) terucap. 

Cinta-cinta yang teruapkan oleh semesta, lalu abadi bersama bergulirnya usia. 

Cinta-cinta yang menghidupkan, namun bukan untuk dibawa (hingga) mati.

.

Sungguhlah film ini membumikan karya awalnya dengan begitu hidup. Dengan visualisasi indah yang tidak lebih, tidak juga kurang. Dengan musik-musik latar yang mengalirkan adegan demi adegan dengan rapi, tetap dengan kekuatan cerita masing-masing. Dengan akting yang, jika boleh, ingin sekali saya beri sepuluh jempol, untuk semua pemeran, tanpa kecuali. Dan tentunya salut untuk kelima sutradara perempuan yang dengan cantiknya melahirkan Rectoverso ke layar bioskop. 

"Malaikat Juga Tahu" -- salut untuk Lukman Sardi dengan perannya sebagai "Abang" yang sukses membuat saya menahan nafas di saat adegan-adegan terakhir.

 "Curhat buat Sahabat" -- friend-zoned chemistry yang sempurna, lukisan gemerlap yang menyayat tentang dua pesan tak sampai. Ini adalah kesukaan saya :)

"Cicak di Dinding" -- (ehem) maaf, tapi sejujurnya pada bagian ini saya tersesat...

"Firasat" -- saya sangat suka setting dan detail properti cerita ini. Senja dan sepedanya, buku Larasati, dan jalan tanah dengan pohon berderet di kiri-dan kanan. 

"Hanya Isyarat" --  tentang cinta yang bermula dari punggung, berhenti pada cerita, dan dicukupkan oleh warna bola mata. Cinta dan spatio tempora. Dan sebuah kata "cukup".

.

Beberapa karya, saya sebut luar biasa, bagus, atau biasa-biasa saja. Beberapa karya, ingin saya sampaikan ucapan terima kasih. Film Rectoverso adalah salah satu yang terakhir :)

“When I’m in writing mode for a novel, I get up at 4:00 am and work for five to six hours. In the afternoon, I run for 10km or swim for 1500m (or do both), then I read a bit and listen to some music. I go to bed at 9:00 pm. I keep to this routine every day without variation. The repetition itself becomes the important thing; it’s a form of mesmerism. I mesmerize myself to reach a deeper state of mind. But to hold to such repetition for so long — six months to a year — requires a good amount of mental and physical strength. In that sense, writing a long novel is like survival training. Physical strength is as necessary as artistic sensitivity.”

- Haruki Murakami’s daily routine (from here via here) -

[short film] paperman.

found this video when visiting Winda's blog.

a sweet black and white animated short film :')

this somehow illustrated those quotes stating such : 

"when a guy really wants to meet a girl, he's gonna do so. 

when he really wants to be with her, he'd make that happen no matter what."

"I want the whole world for my baby..."

- Tablo (Epik High), taken from here)

. . .

now... that's one of the sweetest lines (if not the sweetest) a father-to-be could possibly say to the world :')

[note] just when i was thinking too much of an eagle...

...here comes the eagle boys.

. . .

i love how he called them :

(translated) "The 5 Eagle Brothers"

four more years, boys...

...and i'd love to see the five of you be the real eagles :)

[music] EPIK HIGH - UP

surprisingly good, Epik High. you got my heart for this :)

.

Though I’m at the tip of your toes today, I’ll be over your head tomorrow.

Even if someone blocks my way, I’m goin’ up.

Up, up, baby get up, up, we’re goin’ up.

Up, up, baby get up, up, we’re goin’ up.

Up, up, baby get up, up, we’re goin’ up.

Up, up, baby get up.

(lyrics credit to here)

when we all think alike, no one thinks very much.

- Albert Einstein.

so... great minds think alike is somewhat a big lie, no?

[music] umbrella - epik high (feat. younha)

can't help but fall in love with this song and video :')

it reminds me a lot of one thing among my bucket list, 

of how much i want to live in a city where i could still taking a stroll
on some random pedestrian ways, 

during the rain, 

in white high heels and red raincoat, 

with blueish transparent umbrella.

one day, lady, one day

:)

Kids, you can ask the universe for signs all you want, ... But ultimately, we only see what we want to see when we're ready to see it.

(How I Met Your Mother, Season 5 Episode 24 - Doppelganger)

"Even if you don't understand the language, you can still love the music."

- CL / Lee Chae-rin of K-Pop Group 2NE1 (taken from here) -

how i love the quote, although to me, loving songs those meaning i understand are more preferable. it's good to get the poetic of the music, it would be as beautiful to understand the poetic of what it tried to tell the world. hence, learn languages :)

when in doubts, pray. rest the heart to Whom-it-originally-belongs. as for mind, pat its back, that's all it need.

(a night at another missing dream)

[journal] an old thought.

one wise friend of mine whom i respect much once said, (not specifically to me, though) more or less,  

"why worry for things those are absent, 

why not cherish those are present?"

that was on one super hectic day in early 2005, but sure it is one of great footprints i treasure. he might not realized how much that lines meant to me.

and nowadays i repeat it countless times, just to make sure i stay sane enough to separate dream from greed. 

change for the better,
never change just for the sake of change itself.

[journal] off July.

It's less than twelve hours toward another conference, yet I haven't finished my presentation >.< Yet surprisingly I don't feel that kind of panic attack. Well, guess those d-1 (uhm, not really that d-1, though) "please make a presentation" have trained me well enough, yes. In the other hand, I found compressing my 71-slide-thesis-presentation into 25-30-slide-only-conference-presentation is actually challenging rather than stressing. Well, again, the drilling was it. However, I never be the one who do the presenting. *okay, there the panic come*

So, a quick scribe. I've just finished reading the first chapter of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I must say she nailed it. She really knows what concrete things those contribute to ones being happy, not just that, "well, be happy". Happy is indeed a 'be' even from the start.

Or maybe she just chose the perfect hints to put in her first chapter, it's about Vitality : Boost Energy. That's just one good way to start. Anew. So here, instead waiting for January, I decided to start doing it now in July. There's no definite reason why I feel the need to start 'the project' soon. It might because that July is the first month in the second half of 2012. It might because that July is a symbol of summer. Well, just as simple as that. To start, I won't break down the plan here, that's for my offline journal. Instead, I will start it with a "to-do-list". Not that kind of "must-do-list", but more of a "want-do-list".

Why "want"? Because I want, not need, these to be done :)

  1. Have one empty box in my room, leaving some spaces for good things to come.
  2. Do my first postcard-series-project. And definitely send some of them to some ones in the West.
  3. Block two posters for my room : the pinky pointed shoes with music sheet, and the beloved boys.
  4. Visiting beautiful Kala and her mom, for sure.
  5. Making a pastel colored portfolio.
  6. Start drawing (again). I owe myself a #30dayssketching. Shall I start with a tree house?
  7. Arrange folders for the double big-B. Yes, they require some cleaning, not clearing.
  8. Buy one pair of proper shoes. I mean it.
  9. Buy one proper lady-like bag. Semi-formal tote is fine. And, yes, this too I mean it.
10. Buy one pair of proper blue jeans. Again, I mean it.
11. Eye check! Replace the sunglasses frame.
12. Starting shaum this year peacefully, in just any aspect.
13. Say hello :)

That's a 13 of July. Happiness is a determined mind away. Might as well be true.

#longstoryshort 3

EVERYTHING ENDS IN SOME RANDOM NIGHTS. OF YOU AND ME. OF THEM AND US. AND WE CAN'T EVEN DECIDE WHICH ONE IS EXACTLY WHAT'S BEEN NAMED MOVING ON. IS IT TO STOP THE TIME. OR TO FAST FORWARD IT. BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, KEEP WALKING THE UNCONSCIOUSLY SAME SPEED JUST WON'T DO.