31.5.12

'

mungkin benar saat petir menyala, langit terbelah.
langit terluka.
namun pekatnya malam adalah pembalut luka yang bekerja dalam diam.

langit pun terlihat seketika tersenyum,
sampai beberapa hitungan kemudian terdengar guruh.

ternyata langit (masih) tersedu.

;

ia bernama senja karena abadi.
rekaman nuansa merah hanyalah yang terlihat oleh mata hati.

karenanya lamunan senja itu tanpa henti.
seperti lukisan pijaran api matahari.

lamat-lamat dunia pun berhenti berputar, ikut mencari arti abadi.
lalu abadi itu sendiri mati.

menjadi abu, kaburkan senja.

,

bukan salah awan jika ia keberatan beban,
ia hanya ingin menumpahkannya ke atas dan bawah sepanjang khatulistiwa
hingga nanti bumi tak lagi kenal musim,
dan semua cerita adalah tentang air yang berputar
karena samudra ternyata bukanlah akhir perjalanan seperti yang terjanjikan oleh muara.

29.5.12

when you started your day with a "seeesh" or "tsk" or "huhuhuuu" or "damn!" or "jdang!" or "wakwawww.." or simply a slam on your desk or door,




then you should know, there's something wrong with your life.
if not, then it must be one of those choices you made.


definitely.

27.5.12

"faith is to give you a peace of mind, not insecurity."
"wahai laki-laki penjinak kata,
bolehkah aku jatuh hati pada tuturmu?"


- perempuan pembuat sketsa suara -

26.5.12

menara.

pada puncak sebuah menara
di tengah-tengah negeri pencakar langit,
prajurit bungsu termenung.

di lehernya terlilit selendang putih bidadari keempat,
putri tengah kerajaan daratan
penopang akar para menara.

dalam kepala prajurit, berputar skenario-skenario masa depan.
(pada masa itu, refleksi bukanlah pesiar masa lalu,
karena waktu tidak lagi berputar ke kanan, melainkan ke kiri)

dan masa depan adalah masa di mana langit sebentar bertemu dengan daratan,
memberi jarak baginya untuk mengembalikan selendang bidadari,
tanpa menggoda hati sang perempuan untuk menerima ajakan tangannya
memanjat menara demi langit yang belum juga ketahuan ujungnya.

25.5.12

[journal] before screen, a long ago.

listening to Sigur Rós always reminds me of my first time doing a love confession, publicly. well, actually, it was  an "i loved him" kind of statement, not any kind of "i love you, what do you think of it?"

feeling embarrassed? sure did.
feeling regretted? sure did not. i was happy to do it. i am happy to have it done.

and now, he's living his own happiness. somewhere there, with no part of me in it. 
and here, i'm living my own happiness. with no part of him in it.

there were always people come and go in life. some of them were meant to share with us the meaning of love. of friendship. of passion. of commitment. of hard work. of being on time. of sincerity. he shared all of those to me. he taught me the best lesson in trusting a person. he made me believe in such thing called "to accept a certain one with his/her good and his/her bad". he is certainly some one to whom one of my "thank you for everything" would belong.

"to see you happy means i am happy." 
he is the one who allowed me to know that such feeling does exist.


and then, why was that suddenly an urge came telling me to tell the world that he was meant a lot?
it might because of one of Sigur Rós' song. one song he played while showing me running random pictures on the screen. it was one among moments of tranquility i could remember having with somebody else. it was only him, me and the song. and the pictures for sure. and the silence.

the silence that bonded us.
the silence that separated us.
the silence that burned even the memories those created by the moment itself. 
(that until today i can't remember the song, not even if i coincidentally would ever hear the same song again. it feels like that the song only sing itself for that very moment)

more than a good friend, yet not even a lover. i owe him much for every little things those had made one little part of me today.


so when a text came saying "i'm going, thank you for everything" and intuitively i replied "thank you too for everything, be good right there", a whole part of me already knew. it was a sweet farewell, a forever goodbye. a properly done sending each other with a smile.

. . . 

this is a fictional plot to be developed in the future. however its possibility to be based on real things is quiet high. thank you in advance for the understanding. 

[journal] bad things do happen.

when you had people done something bad to you, don't you just wanna ask yourself 'what have i done?'. truthfully, however, there're times i don't want to. instead, i'd wanna ask them 'why did you do that to me?'

. . .

so, i guess this is how it feels to be tricked by some people. i always thought such things only happened in dramas. or perhaps it happened several times to me, yet i just didn't realize it. 

oh, well, as long as they who tricked me happy by doing so, i think i'll be also doing just fine. 
however i'm not taking any responsibilities of sins, if there're any, it consists of, though. thank you. oh, and i'm not also taking any responsibilities of any change of heart i might have that one day i might want to have them to pay it off.

24.5.12

dear prince, please stay on when you are. don't you ever dare to cross time to meet me, at any given circumstances. our hearts and our speed of finding each other were made to be auto-synchronized, weren't they? we can't ever go against the speed of light, as well as the gravity.


so please, stay on when you are. at anywhere you might be. be it the sand box, be it the rooftop. 


and, please, never do any time travel. any of it. at all.




. . .


#post-watching-rooftop-prince-syndrome #used-to-be-obsessed-with-sand-box #now-newly-obsessed-with-rooftop

21.5.12

"akan kuajarkan anakku ketegasan logika dengan kehalusan sastra... lalu akan kuperkenalkan ia pada kelembutan intuisi dengan ketajaman matematika... dan akhirnya akan kuminta ia mencari tuhannya, melalui hitam putih kebenaran, berbekal abu-abunya kitab suci"


- seorang ayah berangka duabelas - 

mimpi sebelah rumah.

kamu mengajakku berlari keliling bumi,
dengan mimpiku sebagai pendorong
dan mimpimu sebagai penarik.

lalu kita tiba-tiba mendarat bersamaan,
pada negeri antah berantah,
sebuah halaman di sebelah tata surya.

rumput di sana adalah dandelion
berlangit riak pasifik
dan sungai sebangsa parit antara rumahku dan rumahmu.

negeri antah berantah ini berwarna antara biru dan putih,
seperti langit saat bertukar sapa dengan awan...
seperti samudra saat bertemu puting beliung.

lalu ada papan nama negeri,
samar-samar kuingat beraksarakan arab dan sanskrit,
yang kita tak juga sama mampu pahami.

bulan sebelas adalah kereta pertama dan terakhir,
bagi hati-hati kita untuk ikut menyusul,
agar utuh raga-raga kita membangun puri pada halaman ini,
tempat mimpiku dan mimpimu lebur tak bersisa, membelakangi tata surya.

20.5.12

sepertiga petang.

matahari sore berbisik pelan
pada pagi yang mengikutinya dari belakang,

"tidakkah kamu mau sesekali ambil jalan memutar?
siapa tahu kita bisa bertemu muka sama muka pada salah satu bujur..."

lalu pagi berkata begini,

"tidak bisa,
karena ada jejakmu untuk aku ikuti,
bukan aku yang membuat jejak untuk diam-diam nanti kamu ikuti dari belakang.

tapi,
kamu tahu bukan aku tak berjejak?
jika aku ambil jalan berbalik,
tak ada satu pun bujur yang akan jadi tempat pertemuan kita.

begini,
setiap bujur mencatat pertemuan kita.

dengan tanganmu di belakang, dengan tanganku di depan,
mereka bertaut oleh bayang-bayang yang hilang pada malam."

hening, lalu matahari menjelang malam kembali berbisik
pada pagi yang selalu setia di belakangnya,

"tidakkah kamu ingin sekali saja melawannya,
untuk mengetahui bagaimana mencintaiku dengan menghadapiku,
bukan dengan membuntutiku?"

hening.
pagi bungkam, terdiam di tempat.

hingga malam menelannya, selamanya.
ia tak pernah tahu bagaimana mencintai matahari seutuhnya.
matahari, jiwanya.

lalu matahari,
tak ada yang bertanya tentangnya.

17.5.12

"get a life, dude!"


"i am getting my life, by loving things i love and doing things i heart. not by interfering with what other might love, not by interfering with what other might prefer to do. i'm getting it, dude, don't worry :)"

lima debu.

debu pertama berkata,
aku berwarna abu-abu,
aku ada dalam keragu-raguanmu akan semesta. bertanyalah. dan bacalah. tentu saja atas nama tuhanmu.

debu kedua berkata,
aku berwarna hitam,
aku adalah dengki yang hangus. melekat bersama arang, serapuh kebenaran yang kau (dan kau) yakini.

debu ketiga berkata,
aku berwarna merah,
aku adalah benci yang tak sempat jadi dengki. aku meloncat, bersama amarah yang tak mau kupadamkan.

debu keempat berkata,
aku berwarna putih,
aku ada karena tujuh lintasan mencariku, bertemu padaku. aku suci, karena aku lahir dari seteru yang melengkapi.

debu kelima berkata,
aku berwarna merah jambu,
aku utusan matahari, pembawa surat cinta untuk bayang-bayang. matahari rindu padanya, ingin ia pulang. supaya lalu nanti ia bisa padam dengan cintanya dalam pelukan.

2.5.12

and so therefore.

i don't have a framework of mind,
therefore i write

i'm now building my framework with supposed-to-be strong foundation,
therefore i write

i'll later decorate my framework with pretty little details,
therefore i write

my framework is crushing,
therefore i write

i'm going insane,
therefore i write

i'm thinking of doing a free falling,
therefore i write

i'm thinking about dying and broken hearts,
therefore i write

i choose to stand back up
therefore i write

i want to move forward
therefore i write

i need to be done with myself,
therefore i write

and so i rebuild and rebuild and rebuild my framework of mind,
and so i break and break and break my heart again,
and so i crave for remedies, over and over and over...

and so therefore i write.