[a view] you're my superstar (part 1, a feeling)

Taeyang World Tour - RISE in Jakarta, 14 February 2015 (personal doc).

Truth is, I'm still on my hangover period, so I'd make it short this time. I still can't believe myself for (finally) being able to come to his SOLO concert. I thought, GD solo and Bigbang 'mini concert' at F1 Opening Night in Singapore would all that. But when Taeyang put Jakarta on his list for his world tour, how could I not going?

It was such an awesome performance. A flawless acts by the superstar. Details would be posted later after I'm sober enough. The feels, however, was much different from those GD and Bigbang performances I had watched before. I love either of those, anyway. What's there not to love about the boys?

It's because this one superstar is my bias, there's a very subjective personal overflowing feelings while I was watching the whole show. How come that boy on stage in front of me, who sing and dance, and smile and communicate (sometimes using some Indonesian general phrases), is a real thing as well as being the same one who took my fangirl-heart away four years ago?

While at the same time I was actually had loads of various things in my chest, I took the chance to just shout them all out. Of course in a sound of his name. A pretty much sweet escape, isn't he? Except for being sweeter than an escape, he is. As worn out as I might be, I was wholeheartedly satisfied. And were I happy? Well, as far as I could remember, he gave me no reason not to feel happy afterwards.

Speaking back about the hangover, you see, when it was GD and Bigbang, I had the hangover right after the show finished until the next morning. But, when it comes to Dong Young Bae, the night after the show, I was surprisingly too tired for a hangover. But when I woke up at the next morning, which means this morning, I knew the hangover was just about to start and it was gonna be the hardest from all. So, the detailed notes would take the times it needed. Meanwhile : Bigbang (mini) concert checked, GD solo concert checked, YB solo concert checked.

Herewith I say that my life as a fangirl is completed ;)

[notes] .

"Why do you break my wings and make me crawl?
Why do you belittle and shun me?
Is it okay to throw stones if you're without sin?
Isn't stoning a sin?

Oh God.
He doesn't love me.
I know He doesn't love me.

Well, neither do I.
Neither do I."

- Amor Fati (Epik High, ft. KIM JONG WAN of NELL) -

listening this song, repeatedly, at one point i found my eyes were blurry by tears and my heart were full of aches.

bucket list, redefined (i)

"She, who wanted to fly like a bird, bought a plane ticket.

He, who wanted the skies and the seas in the palm of

his hands, bought a large globe.

Everyone hangs a price tag on their dreams,

but no matter how much you spend,

your hearts are empty shopping carts.

You'll max your credit cards to buy what you want,

but won't max your dreams to live how you want to.

Looking for answers where your pocket is.

Baby, you don't even know what the problem is.

Your bucket list is a shopping list.

But the life you miss leaves you with no memories.

But you've got plenty of pictures.

Better hungry than distasteful.

But your tastes are only trends.

Easy come and just as easily gone."

..........

"When I was young, my dreams were a factory,

but now they are a dime-a-dozen convenience store."

..........

.

- RICH - Epik High (feat. Taeyang) on their 8th Album : SHOEBOX - 

lyrics are translated by Tablo, taken from the album booklet

stay with me,

"For worse or for better
Just stay with me forever

You have the same sad face as me

Won’t you stay with me, come to me
Your lips don’t agree but your eyes tell me you want me
Won’t you stay with me, come to me"

(Credits : BBU)

.

because i don't want to plan this alone. 

signs.

.

too many signs i must try hard to interpret. my brain burns as the sun. my heart itches as the mosquito bit. too many pauses those couldn't be undone, yet times, as you know it, never stops. 

there are days when sunsets were orange, rather than red. a perfect round of orange. those days, the orange days. the days arrived through your presence, unprecedented, unpredictable. just happened.

these days are busy days. sunsets barely had colors. sunsets barely acted as day's second bookmark. time, as you know it, never stops. never listens. never sees. 

a one fine day awaits, though. another different perfect day where sunsets fall, just like an orange from its tree. with a pair of hands to catch it, with a laugh following a yell from inside the house. grandpa's.

a day i'll be able to reach, with your presence, once again. similarly unprecedented. predictable. and this time, it's us that make it happen. 

and then, there will definitely be a sunrise for us to start another chapter of sunsets catching, with an orange in our pocket.

(notes : this is not a translation of the song. but rather, this is an interpretation of the drama's opening of which this song is one of its soundtracks)

. let me go .

. . .

"They say that time flies

but you keep breakin’ its wings."

. . .

. . .

"You wish me well.

You wish me well.

I wish you hell."

. . .

(Tablo - Eyes, Nose, Lips Cover via YG LIFE)

2 | on the way.

i am usually not a big fan of (american) superhero movies. no definite reasons to it, though. however, i found it different with batman on the dark knight series and spider man the reboot editions. maybe because, they are all too human? the same reason why most people, instead, not very fond of those. because superhero should just stay superhero, perhaps.

recently i just watched the amazing spider man 2. and i must say, despite all the average reviews, i love it. not on a normal amount, i admit. few things those stole my attention were the scoring music (as always), the dialogues (those rather human-ish, not superhero-ish, simple, metaphor-less, an everyday possible findings), and the characters, especially gwen stacy. that is a girl. oh, and did i mention the amazing visual effects? i did, just now.

for the scoring, hans zimmer just nailed it. the music just perfectly wrapping up the movie about a human superhero, who has his own complicated 'normal' matters and his supposedly-to-be-happy-ended love story. everything just right on their tracks. nothing too much. nothing too less. well, for frequent listening, i prefer ones with slow tempo, still. my favorite is "we're best friends".

as for the dialogue, my most favorite are gwen stacy's "Nobody makes a decision for me. This is my choice." and aunt may "It's funny that the heavier the box gets, the lighter I feel." well, all i can say, these two quotes saved my day. just when i'm on the verge of letting but me to make decisions for my future. just when i almost decide not to pack the boxes. well, i am a girl. i should do my things.

in all, the movie left me with an aftertaste similar to the dark knight rises. well, the latter received better reviews, though. but you don't love things (or ones) through comparison, or do you?

i love this track so much <3

5 | distance.

the safest distance is, indeed, when you're try saying "i love you", he's (still) not listening.

.

as for me, distance is principal. it is what makes the fire warm, the ice cold, the love desired, the jealousy hurts, the in between spaces worth the walk, the time worth spending. it also takes a distance to muster up all the courage within myself, to convey what's not mine to begin with.

while speaking of the distance itself, exactly like time, it is somewhat relative. indefinite. that's why i found it scary. focusing on the term of safest distance, it could be literally shouting loud the i love you while he's literally miles away or literally whispered it, inside your heart, to add, while he's literally holding your hand besides you. at both set, he won't bother to listen, or would he? well, unless there's an imaginary secret tunnel of alienated words only both of us understand connecting our minds. but that's not it.

certain distance gave me certain feelings of falling in love, being loved in return, or even falling out of it. it gave me room for sanity, despite how hard i fell or how deep i was hurt. distance is a big white screen to check whether that thing i thought i'm having was a real thing or it's just one scary illusion.

as you might know, love is universal. but how each one of us interpret it, is not. basically the same for all other universal things. so, distance, just in case. not for calculation nor measurement. but to seemingly feel.

9 | on the way home.

I've been in love with John Mayer's music since 2004, once I found "Clarity" on my friend's playlist. At first, of course, it's all about the melody, the beat, the voice, ... the atmosphere. And later it's all about the lyrics. I just can't resist his kind of poetic, yet honestly metaphoric words. His phrases never failed to give me pinches in the heart, and twists in the mind.

However, lately, I must admit I kinda fall out of his music. I really wanna say that his transformation towards country-ish music was awesome, yet I don't really get that genre of music. But then, be it any kind of genre he's exploring, his lyrical touch remains as strong.

Maybe, like this one.

.

"The summer's over. This town is closing.

They're waving people out of the ocean.

We have the feeling like we were floating.

We never noticed where time was going.

Do you remember when we first got here?

The days were longer the nights were hot here.

Now, it's September the engine's starting.

You're empty-handed and heavy-hearted.

But just remember on the way home, (oh oh oh)

That you were never meant to feel alone.

It takes a little while, but you'd be fine

Another good time coming down the line.

You'll go back to love that's waiting.

I'll unpack in a rented room.

How's that life you swear you're hating?

Grass is greener that makes two.

But just remember on the way home, (oh oh oh)

That you were never meant to feel alone.

Just look me up get back on the bus.

I'll see you next week if you need my trust.

Life ain't short, but it sure is small.

You get forever but nobody at all.

Life ain't short, but it sure is small.

You get forever but nobody at all.

It don't come often, and it don't stay long.

But just remember on the way home,

You don't ever have to feel alone.

Just stay on the run; get off the grid.

Hide yourself out like you know that I did,

And if you might find that you're running is done,

A little bit of Heaven never hurt no one."

.

Music is indeed a universal language.

And a locker of unspoken truths those're needless to be said yet craving for silent stage.

Well, (at least) that's his music to me.

*) Lyrics credit here

13 | Jason Mraz - The World As I See It

dear mr. Mraz, now I remember why is it so easy to fall for your songs.

.

"You are the mountain, you are the rock

You are the court and you're the spark

You are the eagle, you are the lark

You are the world and you're remarkable

You're the ocean beating the shore

You are the calm inside the storm

You're every emotion, you can endure

You are the world, the world is yours.

(It's not hard for me to love you

Hard for me to love you

No it's not a difficult thing.

It's not hard for me to love you

Hard for me to love you

Unconditionally)"

.

and you,

now I remember why it was that easy to fall for you.

15 | 1997.

It's a bit early in the midnight hour for me

To go through all the things that I want to be

I don't believe in everything I see

You know I'm blind so why d'you disagree?

OASIS - All Around the World, Album Be Here Now, 1997

.

It's hard to pack the life of my 1997 in a box. The changing heart of a 14 years old girl, as well the fast-flowing time to mark an era. Influential things came all the way along the life, yet there're always some times when they're coming in a too vast of lines and speed.

1997 is one of those time. That's when my head didn't reach the level of imagination. That's when dramas occupied all spaces inside. That's the first time to realize things don't go as you thought they should be. Things go as they pleased.

And on that time, to understand was yet an option.

[travelnotes] my (first) BIGBANG concert.

..and why did I include a concert in a travelnote? It's because to me, just like a book, a music could also give you a chance to travel to another world you didn't even know it exists..


Prior the Party

From the moment it was confirmed that I got the concert (and the race) ticket, I got really really really excited. I could not believe that watching their concert, even though this one is the mini one, can be a reality in any time, soon. Well, I tried to calm myself down, getting the necessary things done, securing a permission to be off from my office on that very Friday, making sure things would be just okay at home while I'm leaving, and do the packing. Of course, the last one fail. I just did the whole packing things the night right before the flight, which resulted in I didn't get any sleep, at all. Well, partly because I was too excited I couldn't pack things briefly, hence I just finished packing 45 minutes before my taxi came to pick me up --"

At 3.15 early in the morning, my taxi took me to the airport. At 4.00 I already checked-in, followed by having some coffee and cinnamon roll, did the morning prayer, and waiting calmly at the boarding gate's waiting room. It was almost 5.15 when the boarding call heard, and at 5.30 I was ready in my plane that would take me to my boys *kyaa*. At 8.20 Singapore time, I arrived in Changi, passed the immigration, texted my mom, and finally at 9.00 took the MRT to get to the inn which took approximately one hour. After checked into the dorm, made my bed, and organized my things, I was ready to meet the boys. Yay! So off I go to the venue...

...of which when I got there, it was not so that 'yay!' anymore. The queue is really something >.< why did these fans need to wait that early, huh? Huh? Huh??? However, I needed my lunch, considering I only slept for (maybe) only one hour in the plane, or else I would be faint before I could even dance with them *yes, you wish*. So I got a quick grab of lunch, while observing my surroundings and found the VIP everywhere o.o I went into the line at around 12-12.30 and waiting aaaalll the waaaaayy until 15.00 when the gate opened. My big big mistake was that I didn't bring any mineral water with me, while the sun shine way too bright up there. In other words : it's so hot, boy! So first thing first after I passed the security check when the gate opened, was not running like crazy to the Padang Stage where the boys will be performing, but finding some water and then walk calmly to the spot. Well, thankfully not all the fangirls (or boys) were that crazy to fill up the venue eight hours before the show. At this case, I think I belong to the crazy ones --"

The stage. In the end, I end up watching the race only through the screens. I didn't think I could handle the noise, yet I also didn't want to loose the chance getting a strategic spot for the concert later that night.

And when I looked back, there're so many VIPs who couldn't get closer to the stage inside the fence. I was on the inside, by the way. Oh, at the background was Singapore's business district night skyline. Too bad it wasn't the background of the stage, isn't it :) *but I'll be busy enjoying the view of the boys rather than the skyline, though*

The grass, the sand, the red shoes. And the (very) long wait.

Yes, I'm ready to party! ;)

The SHOW! The Amazing PERFORMANCE! The LIVELY STAGE! The Five Eagle Boys!!!

I remember when I watched G-Dragon's concert in Jakarta last June, I also had similar situation as when I watched this concert. I didn't get any sleep, only got approximately one hour on the travel from Bandung to Jakarta. Well, the story was about to be repeated. Prior the start of the concert, I was really really really tired. And worried, what ifs. What if I was disappointed. What if the show didn't meet my expectation. What if I regretted watching the concert. What if I couldn't enjoy the stage. What if I lost my excitement. Thus I waited in silent, in a deep thought "do I really gonna watching this?". I smiled a little, though, when a video introducing the member was played on screen, which mean the show would start in any moment.

And again, suddenly all the anxiety disappear the second the firework started.

TONIGHT is a beautiful night! It was started! The boys were out!


And I started to jump, singing along, and shouted like any other fan girls (or boys) around me were doing. I suddenly forgot my plan to watch the concert calmly and wholly from the back near the border fence. To think again it was a stupid of me to ever plan so since I was sooo close to the stage T___T *latecry* But but buuutt... I manage to see the boys, their singing, their dancing, clearly. However, it's certain that my attempt to take pictures of them became an epic fail. The boys were just boys, getting all the hype coming together as five on a stage after a long long long time pursuing their solo acts, just imagine how they would shake the stage --"

So these were some of few I could take (and I’m sorry all of them were shaken T___T)

 Choi Seung Hyun aka T.O.P. 

The one who all he needed to do was just standing there and do nothing (oh, a very little smile and taking off the sunglasses would be desirable bonus) to make those girls crazily screaming --"

 Kang Daesung. 

The one with such wonderful voice and that angelic smile. Finally I could see his famous waving hand to the fans. Finally I could hear his notable high notes :’)

Kwon Jiyong aka G-Dragon. 

The most genius. A super talented leader of the boys, yet so humble. We meet again, there :) 

Lee Seung Hyun aka Seungri. 

The most adorable maknae. “I’m sorry my English is horrible. But I can sing, and I can dance, for all of you.” And suddenly I’m in love with this all-grown-up boy. He’s just too sweet *kyaaa*

Dong Youngbae aka Taeyang. 

Yeah!!! Finally I could see the Sun! I think I already wrote so much about him on my last post. All I can say is that, yes, he’s the most active on stage ;) No longer that kind of boy who popped out from a shoujo manga, but now more an artist in the making :”)

.

Now, have I told you that it really fells like a dream coming true to finally be able to attend their concert. It was indeed my dream. Fortunately, the one that came true :) I still can’t believe that I was watching them performing these list :

1.   Tonight

2.   Hands Up

3.   Fantastic Baby

4.   How Gee

5.   Stupid Liar

6.   Crooked  (GD Solo)

7.   Knock Out (GD TOP)

8.   High High (GD TOP)

9.   Gotta Talk to You (Seungri Solo)

10. Strong Baby (Seungri Solo)

11. Gara Gara Go

12. Number 1

13. Bad Boy

14. Feeling

15. Lies

16. Last Farewell

17. Crayon + Fantastic Baby (Encore, Remix)

18. Bad Boy (Encore)

Boy, I was spoiled. The list was among my favorites. Finally a Fantastic Baby and Bad Boy. Gara Gara Go and Number 1. Crooked. Feeling. LIES. And the one turning point : Stupid Liar. I just loveee the performance too much.

But on top of that, I could finally see the five of them come together. Such passion. Such individuality. Such harmony. Such a big bang to life. Oh, I can say no more. This’ just something I’d love to recommend every VIP to experience once in their life.

I am indeed a happy happy happy VIP! And next : another BIGBANG (not a mini one, for sure) Concert, somewhere, on the VIP rows. Yep, you read them right. Just remember : dreams do come true. For those who dare to make it happen.

.

Thank you, dear BIGBANG, for a wonderful night with such passionate performance (just like you always gave). I love you more, eagle boys, enough said :)

. . . 

Ps 1 : this post was completed with a company of their Big Show 2010 concert video, which made me think of how far these boys have gone :’)

Ps 2 : did I regret not being able to take any proper pictures of them? Actually I felt bad more for can not manage the temptation to take pictures, and not putting off my camera and enjoy more the party instead o.O Because just as Taeyang said in his newest song, "Ain't no party like Bigbang party, don't stop!" Yes, YB, I'm as much agree.

Ps 3 : now I can truly say "hat off to those fancams takers and gif makers" those had always given us happiness by providing high quality pictures and images of the boys :)

Ps 4 : see you again, boys! Soon. Somewhere East <3

[journal] the sun shines brighter.

Before I could continue on the rest of posts I promised myself to finish, I feel I must spill my feeling out. About this guy. About another sun in this universe. About one of inspirational figures I look up to.

Warning : this is another my fangirling session. You might not wanna continue reading this post, or not? ;)

.

And I assume you continue ;)

So, the sun is back. Brighter and hotter for sure. The full album hasn't been released yet, so I still can't say whether I love, or not, his recent musical acts. I can't really say that I love his recently released single, "Ringa Linga" that much, too, either. But no doubt, this video attracts me in some strange way. I never get bored replaying the video, over and over. I just can't get enough of the package : the music, the dance, and the strong passion and faithfulness towards a dream.

And when I say this guy is among inspirational figures I look up to, it's no joke. 

I'm usually drawn toward certain person, or figure, because of their 'similarity' with me. Not in term 'looked alike', but more of whether their presence resembles mine in certain way, or reminds me of mine in another certain way, or simply acts as an automatic reflector for me of which inside the mirror it could be my past or my future or both. The same rules apply here. 

From the very first time I discovered this guy until just now, I actually always wondering why did I admire him? What quality did I see in him as a superstar that is worth to be admired? How good he is compared to other superstars at his level? And just recently I found the answer. 

It is his passion, stubbornness, and faithfulness in his own aspiration. Started from the moment he decided to state out his dream. Tested through moments served as his pathway. Convinced by the improvements of his approach and his works. It's hard (for me) not to fall in love seeing him taking the full responsibility of what he dreamed himself. As hard (for me) not to be attracted to his seriousness and rigidity <3

Okay, I know very well he's a member of the now biggest KPop boyband BIGBANG (yes, I am well aware that I am very subjective here) which each of its member stands out equally strong with their own distinct qualities. So I am not gonna compare here. I admire the group just as much as I admire him as one of its member, as well as a solo artist himself. It's just hard to explain, but the reason stands alone. I heart this guy, with just heart :)

. . .

ps 1 : how could a man so passionate about what he loves to do not be considered sexy ;)

ps 2 : no matter how much bad-hair-day he had, once he smiles... sorry, how was his hair again? 

ps 3 : and yes, I love you too dear YB :* (responding to how often he said "I love you" to his audiences whenever he's on stage)


notes :
this post was made solely based on a highly-subjective series of observation and interpretation on his musical transformation, stage performances improvement, and media interviews, thus a highly biased composition.

[music] OST from Despicable Me 2.

these are my current favorite songs :')

so simple so just right.

.

...‘Cause sunshine due is just a cloud away...

...because I'm happy...

[music] Daesung - I Love You (radio preview)

I'm just wondering, is it THAT hard for anyone any producers of that big entertainment agency to make a really good song, a good one that could fit this beautiful voice?

As for Daesung, I <3 his voice just like I always do :*

ps : oh, and though he's almost always doing a cover, he's doing it with the right choice for the songs :)




Source : BBU

[notes] you are...

(no)

i should stop define you.

you're just off all definitions. wordless.

and my life is just as off as those other definitions could be.

.

ps : oh nooo I'm becoming more obsessed with this band >.<

[notes] will you still love me when...

Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful

Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul

I know you will, I know you will

I know that you will

Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful

Credit

.

i know you will,

because you won't be choosing me for i'm young and beautiful to begin with,

am i right?

[music] BIGBANG - Love Dust (YG On Air - Stage Ver.)

until today, i still got no idea why am i so in love with Love Dust.

as far as it was, it's all about the beat, the lyrics, the title, and the perfect vocals of Tae, Dae, and Ri for sure *hearts*

...and, first thing first though, the stage performance...

*crazy fangirl mode on*

this is another version of Love Dust at YG On Air, the stage version which only included in their ALIVE Making Collection 2012. and for that, full credit to the uploader :)

credit

[music] YG FAMILY Concert 2010 Encore!

the world needs to know : this video really really really made my day :*

how can i not love you YG Family!

[music] FTISLAND - Severely.

akhir-akhir ini,

nggak bosan-bosannya dibuat guling-guling sama lagu ini.

lagu ya. bukan video.