[notes] today's insight.

every generation has their own urge to say "dasar, anak jaman sekarang!"
however, when they did, i couldn't help thinking,
"oh, they never really be that 'anak jaman sekarang' on their ages back then...
...or maybe they did (of course everybody did). they just now choose pretending to forget about that.
since that might be one painful memory they don't want to keep."

well, i used to be that 'anak jaman sekarang' back then,
whether i like it or not, though.
so now whenever possible, i avoid saying such things.

let's just give room to changes,
just like what the universe had always done for us,
whether we noted it, or not.

or, it's just that after one or two generations it got bored saying such :
"dasar anak jaman sekarang!"
and thus, accepted the fact that every generations actually speaks different "todays".

[one little happiness]

to me, it used to be like this : 
a man is either handsome, cute, adorable, or gorgeous.
but never sexy.

(i never really understood what exactly "sexy" means)

until i got to see this guy (not boy),
there was one time when i saw him on screen and ...
"that is sexy!"
and later i found out that he is indeed all that.

this is a live shot of him performing my favorite song, "i need a girl" (yes, you surely need), 
featuring GD this is one of those perfect duets i ever heard.

i love you YB, regardless all the hairstyles you had ;)

ps : i know i'm being exaggerated about this, i just can't hide it ;p

[notes] today's insight.

i once wrote somewhere on twitter "when bad things happened to you, think. was there any thing bad you might had done to anyone else?" as a self note for myself.

and since sometimes back then, i always try not to post negative emotional lines that's supposed to be expression of my disappointment towards some people. i try to be fair. if i couldn't say it directly to the respective person, then i don't have any right to throw it to just anybody else on my timeline, do i? but i admit, it's one difficult thing. however, that's not enough reason for me to stop trying.

so, whenever bad things happen, i always, and will always try to keep this inside me : "what had i done bad?" not as an excuse to just let bad things happen to me, but rather as tool to help me accept that it happened.


[notes] today's insight.

i was born near the heart of 80s, 
grew up listening to 90s music and watching western television series, 
later fell in love with 2000s eastern dramas, 
however read storiette of mid 70s teenage girl's magazines. 

now i'm enjoying the aftertaste :)


[journal] thank you and you.


for coming back stronger than you've been,
for going around the world bringing that high quality level of performance an idol-group could give

for being an inspiration, for being the great shining stars on stage.

this might be the last farewell. for now. 
we'll be waiting for your come back this fall, boys ;)
and yes...

...we're fine. thank you and you!

it's a part of  "Last Farewell" stage choreography right after "About Love!" -- which i love so much --  
hence the "L" letter :D


[notes] today's quote.

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."

ps : keep in mind, it's just a 'maybe' ...


[notes] today's insight.

Never make fun of anyone who can not do what you can do easily, it's easy for you because Allah made it easy for you.


[music] Tablo (feat. Lee Sora) - Home.

"When I step past my door frame, I get dizzy
Because it’s the border to my comfort zone
The useless emotions that dirty my heart is covered with dust
If I get out of here, there’s death
Because I disliked the unfamiliar happiness more than the familiar sadness, I threw away my footsteps
I worry that I’ll become a pair of worn shoes
Because the world, time, people twistedly wear me
I forget. Like the heaps of newspapers and bills in front of my door,
Don’t leave the thoughts and demands of the world in front of me
This is my home – leave me alone
Just don’t come in here"

"Inside my sadness that became my home,
Inside my sadness that became my home, can I invite you in?"

credit & full lyrics
. . .

ps :
and how would i know whether you want the invitation (or not) is not really mine to think over, is it?

day. by day.

indecisiveness drives me crazy. moreover if it comes within myself. it's not like i don't know what i want. it's not like i don't have any vision, though at the slightest, towards the future. 

it feels like there're invisible hands holding my heart back, got my mind blinded, and keep my feet nowhere but the very now ground. it doesn't feel like fate. at all.

and yes i pray. yet how should i know whether my heart prays emptily or not. or whether there're actually you playing peek-a-boo inside. the future might have something to do with you, true (and hopefully so), but my prayers today are definitely not. 

i need to call you without any name, first.
i need to recall you without any face, at this very beginning.
i need to long for you without any direct hope, secretly.

and if there're to be any pain come and linger,
i'd know for sure : fate never do shortcuts.

so that, day by day...
...everything would fall off the prayer, leave only the prayer itself and me.

. . .



dari kepalamu selalu keluar warna
kadang mereka acak seperti pada semangkuk salad
kadang rapi seperti pada pelangi

kadang mereka kau ikat agak lega,
kadang kau biar berdiri

kadang mereka kau sembunyikan,
kadang kau beri aku sedikit celah untuk mengintip
dan mungkin, waktu itu di mataku kamu terlihat seperti dia :

tuddy putih kecil dan lucu yang ber-mohawk 


[repost] [journal] the happiness project : my version.

Get the logic and feel the feel. Happiness is within ourselves, we only need to dig it, which happens to be a never ending journey. 

The starting point is the principles, of which mine are :
  1. Be Astri. Be a person I always picture myself gonna be. Be it in faith, habits, behavior, style and thoughts. 
  2. If I ever to meet people who disagree about things with me, I gotta remember that I do not have any responsibility to make them agree with me. 
  3. However every things certainly must come up with basic logical reason, hence the argumentation (if needed) would have gone fair for both side. 
  4. Never pin an answer “…well, I’ve just feel like to…” Even you trust an intuition because of its valid reasoning, not mere feeling. 
  5. When I ever to encounter things those were not of my preferences, I need to remember to rather ignore them than being an anti. And of course, focus to those of my liking, instead. 
  6. But, still, do remember that some people deal with it by being cynical, sarcastic, throwing satire or tantrum. Accept differences on people’s view in accepting the world. 
  7. Tighten the belly, broaden the view! 
  8. Be a lady I’d wish my future daughter to see in her mom. 
  9. Keep calm and maintain rush management. 
  10. Fall in love (this time with heart), free the mind, risk the heart. 
  11. Be honest, be brave, be a woman with full of love. 
  12. Never ever quit writing, whatever happens, whatever it takes :) 

Inspired by Rubin Gretchen’s The Happiness Project.

(As I've written here, with some editing needed, also possible changes anytime in future)


[journal] happy vs. happiness

- the more the deadlines, the more the urges to write anything unrelated to the works -

Let me state this (as this blog is also my personal recording tool) : 2013 is gonna be my pilot year of a happiness project of my version. And just like any other project, this one also come with main goal  at the end. Not exactly in the very end, but one main goal it is for one full year.

Okay, did I seriously wrote one, only ONE, goal at all for a whole year? Yes :) However, this one main goal seems to be derived into several secondary goals. And this time, unlike many other years before, I make sure to follow up my goals with plans. I've just found out that making resolutions and outlining the executing plans are really two different things. Now, you know why I mostly failed in reaching my goals. But then again, this year is different. If I can't start to change for the better now, then I can't really be sure anymore whether I'll be able to change at all.

Turns out that turning onto the big three is a big deal to me . . .

One thing I always believe : being happy is not something you could plan out, it is something you choose to be. However, how to get to the version of you who would do so... that is something that could be planed. Hence, a happiness project :)
*By the way, I really recommend the book by Gretchen Rubin. It enlightened in certain ways I didn't expect it by the time I decided to read the book. You can't expect to always find positive motivational lines inside the book, but it would be a big big help when you decided to have a year with "being more and more organized in every aspects of life" theme. I found it so. 
I wish to write more about the project this year. Well, taking some rest from my-poetry-writing habit might not be that bad, isn't it? A period of cooling down is sometimes needed. A period to reflect more, to read more, to listen more, to be grateful more..and less being unhappy. After all I got every little reasons for not being unhappy. 

So... starting a happiness project by being happy for some little big things, should we? ;)



pada senjamu, 
merah yang kurindukan sembunyi.


[music] Yannick Bovy - Theoretical Love.

falling hard for this song . . .

especially the lyrics :

"You're fire and I'm water That's just how it is my friend Love is not a concept, no"
"You say, "Stick to the plan" And I say, "It's out of your hands""
"Is this how you feel? Theoretical love
Let's make something real We got a good thing going on If we don't try we will fall
It doesn't make any sense at all"
. . .
(credit : for full lyrics please go here)

somehow i feel like my future man is now singing this for me, from afar only God knows where :')

. .
ps : by the way, why must it you're fire and I'm water? why not you're fire and I'm air? *eh*



bertaut dengan udara, 
dalam jarak dua hati berpunggungan, juga maaf dan terima kasih yang tak cukup.

berdamai dengan api : 
ambisi dan hal-hal yang terabai, dan hari ini.

berpijak pada bumi, baik-baik 
dan dengan seadanya cinta di awang-awang.

lalu percaya ada masa depan di ujung aliran air, 
jika saja mau dan hanya mau mengikutinya hingga ke mana.

[journal] 2013, as i wish it to be remembered.

happy and content, be complete with all i got. 
listen more to God, not to what's claimed to be heard by some hearts nor minds.

and, yes, i don't do resolutions since i'm with Calvin on it, this way :
"Resolutions? Me? Just what are you implying? That I need to change?? Well, Buddy, as far as I'm concerned, I'm perfect the way I am!" - Calvin -

. . .
oh well, if you insist, i'd make one then :
to stop my self from saying "peace",
because as long as unlimited freedom of speech is still married to social media, there won't be any peace exist.