28.6.13

[catatan] mengelus hati.

Sejak sering mengingat-ingat kembali buku novel "5 Cm", saya mendadak suka sekali sebuah frasa yang melekat pada karakter Zafran (tokoh favorit! kedua setelah Genta dan Riani satu paket ;p), yaitu "mengelus hati". Mungkin itu karena akhir-akhir ini saya banyak sekali menemui hal yang dapat saya bilang masuk kategori "mengelus hati". Hal-hal yang biasa saja dan ada di sekitar saya setiap hari, tapi akhir-akhir ini keberadaannya justru semakin keras mencubit hati saya.

Seperti kombinasi cuaca panas-tak-santai dengan kamar tidur nyaman milik sendiri di mana saya bisa bebas berguling-guling sampai rasa gerah itu hilang. Petemuan antara batas waktu pekerjaan dan rasa berdebar-debar mengira-ngira apakah bisa selesai atau tidak. Suara air mengalir ketika mengambil air wudhu. Halusnya lantai parket kayu masjid kesayangan. Pulang ketika jalanan masih sangat ramai. Suara penyanyi kesukaan di satu lagu tertentu yang sangat melekat padanya. Ingatan tentang kapan terakhir kali memeluk ibu dan bapak. Rasa bahagia yang otomatis muncul saat mendengar kabar seorang saudara baik akan melangsungkan pernikahannya. Cerita-cerita teman-teman akan bagaimana harinya. Pertanyaan panjang lebar yang hanya dijawab oleh satu kata, yang disingkat. Ingatan akan Aki dan Si Mbah. Permintaan Eyang untuk menikah empat bulan lagi. Mengukur Bandung - Jakarta di setiap minggu. Lalu ada wangi teh aroma peppermint.


. . .
Dan sekali waktu, seperti langit Jakarta sore ini.


27.6.13

[catatan] meditasi (1)

"...adalah ketika benak kosong sekosong-kosongnya. Tak ada beban, maupun lamunan, apalagi khayalan. Ketika kedamaian diri bukan lagi ketenangan yang dibuat-buat, tapi adalah penerimaan akan gejolak emosi diri yang apa adanya, dengan pilihan menyikapinya yang tidak seperti biasanya."

ps : Jadi, terima saja kalau diri merasa kesal luar biasa, merasa dibodohi sangat, merasa cemburu sekali, dan semua jenis emosi lainnya yang menguasai diri secara berlebih-lebihan. Sambil sebisa mungkin diam, bukan ceritanya menenang-nenangkan diri, tapi cukup tidak banyak-banyak memikirkannya. Sambil mencari jalan keluar terbaik dari jeratannya, tentu saja :)

23.6.13

[notes] saturation.

surrealism gives you one or two extra breath,
while fantasy kills your very imagination.
surrealism is like adding a second to your first twenty-four hours of loving,
while fantasy is more like making a minute of having a heart broken to last forever.
surrealism gives you time to not thinking much,
while fantasy gives you no time to think much.
surrealism is somewhat like putting your feet extra carefully at the very edge of that deadly cliff,
while fantasy is indeed like pretending you had the wings to save you when you're about to fall off it.

this is not a battle,
just a stand point. a point zero on one level of being aware towards "i'm alive"
which might be repeated on any other level, later.

this is not a battle,
because both are having the saturation point at one hundred and no less.

21.6.13

[Juni] penyeberangan.

kesunyian adalah jalan layang yang membelah pantai, juga sesekali sawah
bersama deretan mobil berkecepatan 1 kilometer per jam
berkejaran dengan matahari yang memerah dan merendah
untuk lebih dulu sampai di rumah, tempat hati sekali lagi terpejam.

19.6.13

[notes] a song for a pinkish future.

This is the most beautiful stage on G-Dragon's 1st World Tour : One of A Kind Concert I attended last Saturday. He sang one of his ballad type single, "Butterfly", which I hardly love for some illogical reason. His voice, especially in this song, is so addictive I don't think I could ever get over it. The stage, the performance was perfect, with digital visual art in the background as beautiful as I imagined it would be. The illustration fit the song perfectly. 

[Pinkish. Cloudy. Windy. With butterfly puppets along the stage.]

I was speechless, nearly wanted to shed some tears (and I still do, whenever I remember back the show). The song itself hold some special meaning to me, like I said before, for some illogical reason. You know, sometimes people have tendency to keep their memory labelled with certain song as its sign. And normally, it would be song that was a hit or often played during the time when the occasion happened. Both the occasion and song came from the very same dimension of time. 

But, every now and then, there were some exception. Those were when both the occasion and song came from the very different dimension of time. Well, in case of which the song came from an earlier time than the occasion, it would still make some senses. But when the song came from the future... that is another story. And this song is about the last. When I first heard this song, I automatically remembered a package of occasion which happened to occur long time before, years back when the song even haven't existed.

.


Maybe it is like about to meet somebody in the future, a soul mate for that matter, which you in the now knew perfectly who that would be, yet you can not imagine how he'd look like. Or who he actually might be. You just knew there would be this perfect mate for the soul which you will know by the time you meet him in real. This song is for such moment. I called it a 'pinkish future' moment. 

.

There was the first time. I wish there would be the second time.

18.6.13

[journal] High High

June, 15th 2013 marked as one of memorable Saturday for me. It was my first (ever!) concert experience : G-Dragon's 1st World Tour One of A Kind (OOAK) Concert in MEIS, Jakarta.  

At first I hesitated to go. I LOVE BIGBANG is one fact no doubt about, but to go to a concert of one of its member's solo act seem to be a little bit too much for me (well, except for Taeyang I suppose *eh*). However, later I decided to go due to some feeling I had when suddenly remember my-sitting-in-the-corner-crownstick and that annoying itchy feeling of regret for not going the Bigbang's 1st Alive Tour Concert last year. 

So I got the ticket. Waiting excitedly. And then suddenly there was this drama of which I almost had to have an overtime on that very Saturday, however in the end I managed to finish all my task (read : two project reports) just in time (read : one exact hour before my travel departed to Jakarta). I was even amazed of my own ability (yes i'm bragging, once in a life, please), for being able not not sleep at all at that very night before the concert. For the sake of attending the concert peacefully without any unfinished obligations. So then, I went to Jakarta, couldn't get some sleep while traveling, spent almost four hour to reach Jakarta. In short, I lost all of my energy. I feel less excited by the time I arrived at the concert venue, and actually worried what if the show wouldn't come out as great as I was always expecting. What if the price didn't paid off. What if something went wrong technically. What if I end up regretting coming here. 

A ticket for the middle tribune area. Next time I'd make sure I'll be able to get the VIP section ;)


Finally it's time to get into the stadium. Finding my seat, waiting for the time the show to start while watching GD's music videos on the screens besides the stage (with sleepy eyes I must say). So that's "That XX" clip. That's "Crayon". That's "Michi GO". And the lights went off. The music kept playing. The big white screen covering the main stage fell down. And that's...that's...that's G-DRAGON!!! I knew the show has started. 

I scream, out loud. I jumped. I forgot I haven't slept at all the night before. But what to care, it's Kwon Jiyong at that stage right in front of my eyes!

The crown stick on use. One thing I weirdly insisted to have soon after I knew I won't make it to Bigbang's Alive Tour Concert in Jakarta, so that one day I got reason to go to one of their future concert.

The concert flow was perfect. The set list order was arranged not for nothing. Opened with his newest single, Michi GO, followed by Heartbreaker, One of A Kind, Light It Up (with special visual appearance of Tablo, I don't get the technology though, which seem so real I almost freaked out "oh my, it's Tablo!"), and The Leader (also with the same special visual appearance, this time of CL). Those were just right songs to brought the mood high! 

And then break. 

At the next session, the mood was calmer with the set of his slower songs. Started with Butterfly (which was my most favorite stage that night), followed by Missing You, That XX, Without You, and Today (which brought back the higher mood). And then another break. Continued with another upbeat set list, started with A Boy, continued with Knock Out (and there came T.O.P.), High High (oughhh...with this I could cross one of my wish list off : to see this song's live performance, happiness level : high high), Turn It Up (which is actually TOP's solo song, and much later I just realized how lucky Indonesian VIPs were to see this performance since the last time he performed it was in 2010 if I'm not mistaken), and This Love. 

Intermezzo : because of attending this concert with TOP as the guest star, I finally understand why those ladies were so crazy over him. Well, his deep voice while both singing and rapping, gaze, and moves, were all equally super strong and sexy. No worries Ladies, to me still YB is the one and only *super biased fan-girl mode* ;) I used to felt so upset when knowing that TOP will be the guest star for concert it Jakarta. I've always wished it would be YB. But seeing the performance, well, that night TOP was indeed the perfect guest to be there. 

Back to the show, here's another set list. The last session, started with 1 Year Station, followed by Gossip Man (okay, I admit I forgot whether this song was actually concluded in the show or not >.< I just got some mixed feeling that I heard this song was performed), Obsession, She's Gone and Crayon. 

And GD said good bye. And of course we all wanted more. And of course he came back to stage ;)

So for encore we got Breathe, Bad Boy, and Crayon remixed with Fantastic Baby (as performed in MAMA 2012, Hongkong). In Fantastic Baby, TOP joined GD again as his last performance as a guest star. And finally GD really ended his show with another Michi Go and introduction to his team, the band and the dancers. And the show really came to an end. The lights went on with an empty stage.



And yes, it was GREAT! 
As in G R E A T ! ! !

My first concert. My first party. My first hangover.
My full bow for you, thank you G-DRAGON, for making it so memorable :
how you communicate to us with perfect set-list, beautiful stage with amazing digital visual art, superb dances, and that stable voice (to note you did all the song live!).
You really are wonderful (oh I know this not even the best word to describe), dear leader :)


ps 1. : I'm sorry if there're mistakes in the set list, since I actually always almost got carried away with the performances during the show that I was not being able to take note of the actual song list.

ps 2. : Earlier expectation? This show definitely goes beyond it. Period.

16.6.13

[Juni] Siang.

tidak pernah ada kata kesiangan dalam menyambut pagi.
jika kamu bangun, dan dia tidak ada
tunggu saja sebentar. mungkin sudah waktunya berkeliling menyapa tetangga

jika sebentar menjadi terlalu lama, berilah tunggu sedikit sebentar lagi.
siapa tahu kali ini justru kamu menjadi yang pertama menyapanya.
sungguhpun tidak ada kata kesiangan baginya, dalam kesetiaan perputarannya.


11.6.13

[Juni] Tengah malam.

mungkin begini tengah malam memperkenalkan
dirinya pada juni :
aku adalah di mana hati-hati berteriak paling kencang,
juga di mana para pemiliknya tertidur paling lelap.

[Juni] Bangku kayu.

bangku kayu kehujanan di sudut taman,
setia kokoh tak berpayung
menunggu cerita menutur diri, bukan semata jadi terukir

seperti juni yang basah kehujanan,
bersabar mencapai oktober
menunggu tempat pulang, musim yang milik hujan.

4.6.13

[Juni] Akhir pekan.

pada awalnya, jalan pulang selalu ada di sana
semua hanya tinggal "ingin lewat jalan mana?"

pada akhirnya, jalan pulang selalu bergeming
semua hanya tinggal "kamu mau pulang?"

[Juni] Langit merah.

fasa, ataupun jeda
langit merah, ia indah karena ketakabadiannya.
mengelus hati, menutup mata :
selamat tinggal yang diburu selamat tiba.

kembali di rumah, kembali pada hari, kembali dalam hati.

1.6.13

[catatan] Juni.

Jika ada bulan yang kedatangannya hampir bisa dipastikan membuat saya tersenyum senang, maka ialah bulan Juni. Tanpa mengurangi rasa syukur bahwa saya dilahirkan di bulan April, bulan Juni bagaimanapun nyatanya memiliki tempat istimewa di hati saya.

Tidak ada alasan khusus sebenarnya. Saya hanya tidak bisa tidak mengumpamakan bulan Juni dengan hal-hal merah jambu dan biru langit. Misalnya saja : Juni adalah hujan, dan lalu puisi. Juni adalah matahari, dan nantinya prosa. Juni adalah pertemuan, yang berbayang perpisahan. Juni adalah perjalanan, petualangan mencari jalan pulang. Juni adalah di mana mimpi-mimpi mekar sempurna atau layu sejadinya. Juni adalah di mana tawar-menawar antara harapan dan kesedihan mencapai titik jenuh. Juni adalah pilihan antara berdamai atau menutup hati. Juni adalah waktunya mengambil hari untuk menepi dan membersihkan jejak tertinggal sebisanya.

Juni adalah puisi tersendiri. Seperti keindahan yang dilantun oleh Sapardi.

Mungkin ia tahu, Juni adalah saatnya menjadi sedikit lebih manusiawi. Sejenak melonggarkan demi cinta. Ceritanya pura-pura lupa waktu, lalu peta seakan-akan terserahkan pada angin.

Juni, dengan hujan mengisahkan jeda, dengan matahari merekam perhentian.