"to accept that not everything you just could understand."

- day 3 -


"the need to be justified, maybe it's not a sincerity to begin with."

- day 2 -
"to understand is a matter of perception, which is a matter of to know very well, that would only happened by choice made out of consciousness and clarity."

- day 1 -


. let me go .

. . .
"They say that time flies
but you keep breakin’ its wings."
. . .

. . .
"You wish me well.
You wish me well.
I wish you hell."
. . .

(Tablo - Eyes, Nose, Lips Cover via YG LIFE)


[notes] a broken heart : a clarity.

when you had your heart broken, time unconsciously stopped for you.
so it's no surprise that for certain pairs of eyes, you're always be eight. or fourteen. or nineteen. or twenty one. and the bigger universe sees you, still, as a passer by.

when you had your heart broken, you blindfold yourself with what so called 'a cancelled future'.
it is indeed a future. it's just not yours.
you know that very well, but nonetheless you marked it. with the permanent marker.
(but, you see, in actual world it was untouchable. nor temporary marker, nor permanent one, could ever left a dot.)

when you had your heart broken, you wrote as much on your journal, thinking it was a therapy.
but there's no such thing a therapy for broken heart, is it? well, pragmatically it's broken.
you don't do therapy for a broken heart. you just wiped off the pieces, clean the dusts, and make up the mess. and all you need, is really, blank papers and ink. or pencil, without an eraser.

when you had your heart broken, you just can't trust people's eyes.
simply because you're too afraid to find a place of escape on them.
because, you know, running away from a broken heart, your heart that is, is way too much.

when you had your heart broken, it might be a clarity.
a clearance of all doubts. a cleaning of all unspoken self-hatred.
a serene vision towards a quietly-queuing-in-line future.

#notes : this post was meant to be something fictional, a proof of too much listening to Coldplay's Ghost Stories, Taeyang's Rise, Gorillaz's On Melancholy Hills, and Damon Albarn's Lonely Press Play & Heavy Seas of Love.


[notes] a short take of an "i miss you".

every now and then, i always promised myself
not to be in love,
of which the "i miss you" is too hurtful to say.

nonetheless those're just words.
a kind of
melted ice, evaporated water, sublimed steam.

i dare not say it a 'too late',
i dare to say it a 'not that mature enough'.

"i miss you" is like a signed-out messenger,
a terminated telepathy.
yet, a prerequisite to a love letter.

talk about now,
i'm about to promise myself
to fall in love,

this time to a kind of which the "i miss you" would bleed my heart out until its last drop
so then i would had only emptiness as an "i love you".

i miss you.


langit kepada hati.

berkeputusanlah kamu di atas gunungan rasa percaya padaNya.
keindahan ada di Timur dan di Barat,
ketenangan ada di Utara dan di Selatan.

sekali bersandarlah pada waktu,
kesempatan tak pernah kenal kata terlalu cepat, atau terlalu lambat.
ia hanya kenal kata "siap", dan bukan persiapan.

sekali minta saja semesta memutuskannya untukmu,
dengan menitipkan setiap lembar rasa percaya yang utuh tak terlipat.
ia tak kenal berkhianat pada titipan rasa percaya.

langit kepada hati :
untuk bintang-bintang di atasku,
dan awan-awan di bawahku,
untuk resah di kirimu,
dan ragu di kananmu,

tidakkah selalu ada sesuatu di antaranya?
sebuah sementara yang fana saja.