menjatuhkan pilihan,
menjadi tarikan batas antara ketetapan dan kemungkinan.
menjadi tarikan batas antara selisih satu titik cahaya dalam rona abu-abu.

menjatuhkan pilihan,
mendekatkan rasa yang dikenal dan selalu terkenang.
menjauhkan harap-harap cemas yang tak diinginkan.

pilihan-pilihan tertulis pada batu berikat tali kasur,
membuatnya terperhatikan saat menepuk tanah.

tak jarang terlupa,
selama tali dalam genggaman
pilihan yang jatuh dapat kembali melayang pada awalnya.

menjatuhkan pilihan,
menjadi pagar pembatas antara hari ini dan besok.
karena pilihan tidak pernah tentang kemarin.


dear i.,

you know. as an arian woman, i was born under the strong influence of fire. i might be reckless and most of times harsh with words. but i'm always trying hard. so hard it hurts me. to be good. to bring no harms to other. to not make things worse. to not deliberately hurting people. i failed many times, though. but i do learn each of the lessons. am never a good student, though.

i don't take sweet words, nor do i give. i do not praise unless somethings really impressed me. but when i do, it came from the depth of my heart. i don't do empty appreciation. but in another side, i do not bash either. unless you brought harm to my life. i always try to keep my complaints at the minimum level. i strongly hold to my own principles, but i do try hard to compromise and adapt.

i can handle all the unexpected. except two things : betrayal and slyness.

when i came to you and entrust my dreams to you, i really meant it. i seriously build a good intention to plan a future, by committing to you. and by committing, i did accept there wont be all honeymoon. i prepare myself for a future i always dream of alongside with its winding road. i though it would be exciting. i really do.

but then the path was just happened not meant for me. that's okay. not everything is for everyone anyway. i just thought that i lost the battle fair and square. or at the very least : clean and clear.

guess i am wrong.

and guess what. you don't want to mess with an april-born woman. not once in your dream. betrayal and slyness means only one thing : a revenge. a sweet and sharp of it, with a long stab and a quick pull. i'll be patiently dancing the heartbreak.

i won't hate you. that's quite a love, don't you think. but i'll remember you all my way to the castle of my dream. and i'll calmly learn my lesson well :

1. never plan a future with someones who do not have a plan for themselves.
2. never build the castle of my dreams over the shattered ruins of selfish little kingdoms.

i am so done with you.

a former pawn of your chessboard backyard.

ps : thank you for the adventures. i learnt my lesson very well :)