28 #24

Both heart or mind, might not keep a good record of things those have inspired us (in any possible ways). But, even we didn't notice it, the universe never forget to do the job. Perfectly. And as for me, if I looked back to years behind, this list was somehow slipped into my treasure box, stayed there, like, forever.

1.

Dunia Sophie, the book.

Seventeen years of living and it never crossed my mind to ask "dear mother, dear father, who am I and where did I come from?"

2.

An article concerning woman and veil by Quraish Shihab on one of his book.

I remember the statement was quite controversial, but nonetheless gave significant influence on my first lifetime decision as a muslimah. 

3.

Better Home and Garden, the magazine.

No need to say that the beginning of everything is my flash interest in interior design, which was led by this magazines. First read it when I was eleven turning twelve, an since then building my own 'home' one day, became one of my ultimate dreams.

4.

Liga Film Mahasiswa. Enough said.

Been dreaming to establish my own "home and decor" magazine one day, at first it was because of I want to learn photography. No more, no less. But in the end, I got lots more from what I'd expected. It was when and where love and hate collided. It was when and where friendship crushed with professionalism. I had my best days yet my worst days. I had all my hidden strength and weakness exploited, the ambition yet the inferiority, the leadership yet the stubbornness. It was just like what it said : "grow, learn, take risk. and have fun!" And I, could never thank enough for one big growing stage of my life.

5.

Supernova Ksatria, Puteri dan Bintang Jatuh. The first of Supernova series by Dewi Lestari.

I am totally captivated by this book. I read it countless time. And, yes, I mean really countless. And, you, do you remember this line, Ksatria?

"Puteri

Kembalilah ke puri ini.

Satu semesta mungil yang mampu melumat bumi

kalau aku mau membentangkannya.

..." 

[Supernova Ksatria, Puteri dan Bintang Jatuh, Ksatria, pg.23]

That might be the very first time you caught my heart :)

6.

National Geographic Magazines.

Almost all of nature and landscape photographers dream to work here (in my quick conclusion). I used to be one of them. But then I realized that I am not a photographer. I am just a photography lover. Moreover, I am not a nature and landscape expert. Some of my good friends, to whom I once entrusted this secret dream (oh, well it's now no longer a secret anyway) said that if I were serious about this dream, then I must strive to be the best in any field I am passionate about. Be an expert and be sure to master a specific theme of it. And that was exactly what I decided back then : to put my best and be the best expert in any field I chose, in a specific theme I desire the most. That's how I thought I had made up with my 4,5 years education.

7.

3 idiots.

Until now, I always thought that it would be irresponsible for me to say that actually I pursued the wrong path of formal education. However my condition back then, it was after all a decision made upon a full awareness. This movie was a closing reminder for me not cling on regrets that much. It's not about "why I did it wrong?", but more likely "so how should I move onward?"

Things happened for reasons. That's what I always believe. I failed Singapore. I failed Europe. It could mean anything, either "I have better different plans on you" or "You didn't put your best effort, girl!" or "So... you want this thing. Really? How can you assure Me that you deserve this thing?"

.

I might not good at certain thing, unfortunately one of the most important things in my field. But, it's okay. I might be good at another thing, unfortunately might not be one of significant matters, yet fortunately is one thing I love the most. Lucky me, I am not really interested in mere talent matter. I believe more in strength and weakness and that the best of one person is a perfect combination of those two.

8.

Urban Ecology Research Laboratory. At one of those Ivy League University in the States.

Starting my graduate education almost two years ago, I planned to be a designer, later pursuing my Ph.D and then becoming a lecturer. One thing happened and I canceled all the plans. But now, working on my thesis, finding so much interesting things from papers to books, from event to institution, and from design consultant to research center, I changed my mind. Dreams are always way up above temporary silly pride.
.

One of my thesis colleague said something sound like : "dreams, once dreamt, will eventually find its way back to us". Now, I believe in such thing. That dream never forget the heart from which it once born. That the universe also never failed on keeping it and eventually giving it back to us.

.

So, what is it, you might asked. Then, pardon me, that is my now secret dream ;)

9.

My dearest Grandpa.

If there wasn't him at the first place, leaving my teen ages phase, I don't think I would ever regained my self confidence to enter my adolescences phase. I think I would just stay in my eight, forever. *wait, that's not even counted as teen ages* I would never know how I would survive my college days without his last question for me : "are you sure you want to take architecture as your major? do you really plan to be an architect?"

.

Another important thing I learnt through my grandpa, the most important one I might say, is that no matter how precious my personal dreams might be, it can't be compared to my special disposition as a woman ; that I should know by myself when it is to take a big pause, to build my own family, raise my children and always be there for them in any kind of way ; that you can have it all, but never at the same time.

..

did you know, that "stri" from "astri" means "woman" in Sanskrit? :)