25 | "when will...?"

about ten years ago, i joined an optional class on my last year of college. it was something about 'issues and contextual' related, yet the only thing i remember taking home is this :

the lecturer : "hey, you, yes you (pointing on one of my classmates), when will you want to get married?"
the classmate : "uhmm...after i finished my graduate study, sir"
the lecturer : "so, what if you NEVER had your graduate study? will you NOT ever be married?"
the whole class : "ermm..."

yeah, in a pursuit of dreams, time is essential. however, i often forgot that i should not set the time started with such prepositions as 'before' or 'after' or 'during'. because each of dreams are independent. you only answer that "when will...?" using preposition "on".

at the train station.

they say night is still young,
but don't you think it's already old enough to bite you,
at heart?

the only place where night will never grow up is at the train station.

all the coming seconds were (in the end) always swept away
by those departing trains, with certain destinations set on its machines.

have you ever seen the times running there, at the train station?
have you ever seen them playing hide and seek with the departure announcement?
have you ever seen them holding tight to the platform's railing?

have you ever felt them shrinking into memories those were slipping into your luggage,
and just silently follow you home?

maybe that's why on that one time you said you had this weird feeling
of not wanting to step out on your very destination station.
you wished the train would take you back to the previous station where you step in.

that's when memories shattered the place of home in your mind.
that's when even a heart doesn't have any control of your decision,
that's when it got bitten by the too-old time.

[notes] cool.

who does not want to be cool.
i'm dying to be one.

but how i wish to hear "yeah, you're cool"
to come from within me, from all i got inside :
mind and soul.

i don't really need all the outsider to say so,
if it means i had to let my inner bear the pain.

and i don't think God had "cool" box on the list of His final examination for us.

[notes] bold.

i wanna be brave for me,
for i long too the firmer version of you.

if these were to scare you off,
i rather had you runaway with the scary image of me
than to give up being bold for the future ahead the two of us.

maybe you're just not so for me.
maybe we're not meant to grow together.

dear you, ...

"tell me you love me today,
then i'll make you my muse.
you may expect to see yourself on each of my lines, written and said."

well, that's what i've been wishing to tell you.

instead,
i already made you my muse to get over you,
to deal with one heartbreaking unrequited love.

oh, say...
to reflect on that,
i actually no longer feel that it's heartbreaking.

to fall in love alone is indeed some inevitable pain,
yet eventually the lucky ones had experienced it at least once.
hearts those broke are indeed hearts those love with trust.

to end another love letter,
have i told you, dear...
what's part of loving you that i love the most? (isn't this phrase some kind of weird?)

it's seeing your back, while guessing what kind of face were you making...
...and then when you finally turned your face to me,
it's that little happiness of "yay! see...he is smiling! :)"

yes, you, that simple being of in love with you.


ps. : you know i didn't give you nickname not because i'm not comfortable enough to do so, right? it's as simple as that you are in fact too complicated to be called over a single nickname.
ps.2 : well, actually i did consider calling you with a name, the most suitable among those couldn't perfectly catch you, ... no i won't tell. you tell me. you once called yourself that way ;)
ps.3 : i miss you.


. . .
this is a fictional love letter, not just for no one
this' definitely for you. a mysterious heartwarming breeze to my heart.

yes, you, that complicated you :)

#longstoryshort 3

EVERYTHING ENDS IN SOME RANDOM NIGHTS. OF YOU AND ME. OF THEM AND US. AND WE CAN'T EVEN DECIDE WHICH ONE IS EXACTLY WHAT'S BEEN NAMED MOVING ON. IS IT TO STOP THE TIME. OR TO FAST FORWARD IT. BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, KEEP WALKING THE UNCONSCIOUSLY SAME SPEED JUST WON'T DO.

#longstoryshort 2

and there's a midnight,which sits back to back with a noon. each with different future ahead, yet both'd end as a same past.

#longstoryshort 1

there's this story about universe, which started with dust, and end with dust. with a perfect day of you and me in between.