"At this stage in your life I don't think you're going to write anything worthwhile, no matter how much time you put into your novels," Miu said, calmly, unhesitantly. "You've got the talent. I'm sure someday you'll be an extraordinary writer. I'm not just saying this, I truly believe it. You have that natural ability within you. But now's not the time. The strength you need to open that door isn't quite there. Haven't you ever felt that way?"

"Time and experience," Sumire said, summing it up.

[Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart]

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rindu ini tak punya nama,
ia tumbuh bukan pada hati,
dan besar tanpa jarak.

rindu ini lahir dengan berisik,
namun tak tertanda oleh telinga,
karena mereka sibuk ingin mendengar langkah-langkah (lain) yang mengendap.

rindu ini diam, tidak kemana-mana,
menunggu untuk dijawab,
menunggu untuk diberikan hati.

dibalik rimba pikiran,
yang diantaranya tak berjejak.

[notes] november without a goodbye.

broken hearts never compromised.
and time does not heal.

it's a journey to end it all.
it's the same one, to start things over.

making itinerary is the quest of a piece of mind,
and a solitude of soul.
making it (really) happen is an attempt to crystallized
what's not meant to be yours, from the very start.



november doesn't hold grudge,
it sent a question, it led the answer.



through the sky to the east i determined.

[travelnotes] my (first) BIGBANG concert.

..and why did I include a concert in a travelnote? It's because to me, just like a book, a music could also give you a chance to travel to another world you didn't even know it exists..


Prior the Party

From the moment it was confirmed that I got the concert (and the race) ticket, I got really really really excited. I could not believe that watching their concert, even though this one is the mini one, can be a reality in any time, soon. Well, I tried to calm myself down, getting the necessary things done, securing a permission to be off from my office on that very Friday, making sure things would be just okay at home while I'm leaving, and do the packing. Of course, the last one fail. I just did the whole packing things the night right before the flight, which resulted in I didn't get any sleep, at all. Well, partly because I was too excited I couldn't pack things briefly, hence I just finished packing 45 minutes before my taxi came to pick me up --"

At 3.15 early in the morning, my taxi took me to the airport. At 4.00 I already checked-in, followed by having some coffee and cinnamon roll, did the morning prayer, and waiting calmly at the boarding gate's waiting room. It was almost 5.15 when the boarding call heard, and at 5.30 I was ready in my plane that would take me to my boys *kyaa*. At 8.20 Singapore time, I arrived in Changi, passed the immigration, texted my mom, and finally at 9.00 took the MRT to get to the inn which took approximately one hour. After checked into the dorm, made my bed, and organized my things, I was ready to meet the boys. Yay! So off I go to the venue...

...of which when I got there, it was not so that 'yay!' anymore. The queue is really something >.< why did these fans need to wait that early, huh? Huh? Huh??? However, I needed my lunch, considering I only slept for (maybe) only one hour in the plane, or else I would be faint before I could even dance with them *yes, you wish*. So I got a quick grab of lunch, while observing my surroundings and found the VIP everywhere o.o I went into the line at around 12-12.30 and waiting aaaalll the waaaaayy until 15.00 when the gate opened. My big big mistake was that I didn't bring any mineral water with me, while the sun shine way too bright up there. In other words : it's so hot, boy! So first thing first after I passed the security check when the gate opened, was not running like crazy to the Padang Stage where the boys will be performing, but finding some water and then walk calmly to the spot. Well, thankfully not all the fangirls (or boys) were that crazy to fill up the venue eight hours before the show. At this case, I think I belong to the crazy ones --"

The stage. In the end, I end up watching the race only through the screens. I didn't think I could handle the noise, yet I also didn't want to loose the chance getting a strategic spot for the concert later that night.

And when I looked back, there're so many VIPs who couldn't get closer to the stage inside the fence. I was on the inside, by the way. Oh, at the background was Singapore's business district night skyline. Too bad it wasn't the background of the stage, isn't it :) *but I'll be busy enjoying the view of the boys rather than the skyline, though*

The grass, the sand, the red shoes. And the (very) long wait.

Yes, I'm ready to party! ;)

The SHOW! The Amazing PERFORMANCE! The LIVELY STAGE! The Five Eagle Boys!!!

I remember when I watched G-Dragon's concert in Jakarta last June, I also had similar situation as when I watched this concert. I didn't get any sleep, only got approximately one hour on the travel from Bandung to Jakarta. Well, the story was about to be repeated. Prior the start of the concert, I was really really really tired. And worried, what ifs. What if I was disappointed. What if the show didn't meet my expectation. What if I regretted watching the concert. What if I couldn't enjoy the stage. What if I lost my excitement. Thus I waited in silent, in a deep thought "do I really gonna watching this?". I smiled a little, though, when a video introducing the member was played on screen, which mean the show would start in any moment.

And again, suddenly all the anxiety disappear the second the firework started.

TONIGHT is a beautiful night! It was started! The boys were out!


And I started to jump, singing along, and shouted like any other fan girls (or boys) around me were doing. I suddenly forgot my plan to watch the concert calmly and wholly from the back near the border fence. To think again it was a stupid of me to ever plan so since I was sooo close to the stage T___T *latecry* But but buuutt... I manage to see the boys, their singing, their dancing, clearly. However, it's certain that my attempt to take pictures of them became an epic fail. The boys were just boys, getting all the hype coming together as five on a stage after a long long long time pursuing their solo acts, just imagine how they would shake the stage --"

So these were some of few I could take (and I’m sorry all of them were shaken T___T)

 Choi Seung Hyun aka T.O.P. 

The one who all he needed to do was just standing there and do nothing (oh, a very little smile and taking off the sunglasses would be desirable bonus) to make those girls crazily screaming --"

 Kang Daesung. 

The one with such wonderful voice and that angelic smile. Finally I could see his famous waving hand to the fans. Finally I could hear his notable high notes :’)

Kwon Jiyong aka G-Dragon. 

The most genius. A super talented leader of the boys, yet so humble. We meet again, there :) 

Lee Seung Hyun aka Seungri. 

The most adorable maknae. “I’m sorry my English is horrible. But I can sing, and I can dance, for all of you.” And suddenly I’m in love with this all-grown-up boy. He’s just too sweet *kyaaa*

Dong Youngbae aka Taeyang. 

Yeah!!! Finally I could see the Sun! I think I already wrote so much about him on my last post. All I can say is that, yes, he’s the most active on stage ;) No longer that kind of boy who popped out from a shoujo manga, but now more an artist in the making :”)

.

Now, have I told you that it really fells like a dream coming true to finally be able to attend their concert. It was indeed my dream. Fortunately, the one that came true :) I still can’t believe that I was watching them performing these list :

1.   Tonight

2.   Hands Up

3.   Fantastic Baby

4.   How Gee

5.   Stupid Liar

6.   Crooked  (GD Solo)

7.   Knock Out (GD TOP)

8.   High High (GD TOP)

9.   Gotta Talk to You (Seungri Solo)

10. Strong Baby (Seungri Solo)

11. Gara Gara Go

12. Number 1

13. Bad Boy

14. Feeling

15. Lies

16. Last Farewell

17. Crayon + Fantastic Baby (Encore, Remix)

18. Bad Boy (Encore)

Boy, I was spoiled. The list was among my favorites. Finally a Fantastic Baby and Bad Boy. Gara Gara Go and Number 1. Crooked. Feeling. LIES. And the one turning point : Stupid Liar. I just loveee the performance too much.

But on top of that, I could finally see the five of them come together. Such passion. Such individuality. Such harmony. Such a big bang to life. Oh, I can say no more. This’ just something I’d love to recommend every VIP to experience once in their life.

I am indeed a happy happy happy VIP! And next : another BIGBANG (not a mini one, for sure) Concert, somewhere, on the VIP rows. Yep, you read them right. Just remember : dreams do come true. For those who dare to make it happen.

.

Thank you, dear BIGBANG, for a wonderful night with such passionate performance (just like you always gave). I love you more, eagle boys, enough said :)

. . . 

Ps 1 : this post was completed with a company of their Big Show 2010 concert video, which made me think of how far these boys have gone :’)

Ps 2 : did I regret not being able to take any proper pictures of them? Actually I felt bad more for can not manage the temptation to take pictures, and not putting off my camera and enjoy more the party instead o.O Because just as Taeyang said in his newest song, "Ain't no party like Bigbang party, don't stop!" Yes, YB, I'm as much agree.

Ps 3 : now I can truly say "hat off to those fancams takers and gif makers" those had always given us happiness by providing high quality pictures and images of the boys :)

Ps 4 : see you again, boys! Soon. Somewhere East <3

[journal] the sun shines brighter.

Before I could continue on the rest of posts I promised myself to finish, I feel I must spill my feeling out. About this guy. About another sun in this universe. About one of inspirational figures I look up to.

Warning : this is another my fangirling session. You might not wanna continue reading this post, or not? ;)

.

And I assume you continue ;)

So, the sun is back. Brighter and hotter for sure. The full album hasn't been released yet, so I still can't say whether I love, or not, his recent musical acts. I can't really say that I love his recently released single, "Ringa Linga" that much, too, either. But no doubt, this video attracts me in some strange way. I never get bored replaying the video, over and over. I just can't get enough of the package : the music, the dance, and the strong passion and faithfulness towards a dream.

And when I say this guy is among inspirational figures I look up to, it's no joke. 

I'm usually drawn toward certain person, or figure, because of their 'similarity' with me. Not in term 'looked alike', but more of whether their presence resembles mine in certain way, or reminds me of mine in another certain way, or simply acts as an automatic reflector for me of which inside the mirror it could be my past or my future or both. The same rules apply here. 

From the very first time I discovered this guy until just now, I actually always wondering why did I admire him? What quality did I see in him as a superstar that is worth to be admired? How good he is compared to other superstars at his level? And just recently I found the answer. 

It is his passion, stubbornness, and faithfulness in his own aspiration. Started from the moment he decided to state out his dream. Tested through moments served as his pathway. Convinced by the improvements of his approach and his works. It's hard (for me) not to fall in love seeing him taking the full responsibility of what he dreamed himself. As hard (for me) not to be attracted to his seriousness and rigidity <3

Okay, I know very well he's a member of the now biggest KPop boyband BIGBANG (yes, I am well aware that I am very subjective here) which each of its member stands out equally strong with their own distinct qualities. So I am not gonna compare here. I admire the group just as much as I admire him as one of its member, as well as a solo artist himself. It's just hard to explain, but the reason stands alone. I heart this guy, with just heart :)

. . .

ps 1 : how could a man so passionate about what he loves to do not be considered sexy ;)

ps 2 : no matter how much bad-hair-day he had, once he smiles... sorry, how was his hair again? 

ps 3 : and yes, I love you too dear YB :* (responding to how often he said "I love you" to his audiences whenever he's on stage)


notes :
this post was made solely based on a highly-subjective series of observation and interpretation on his musical transformation, stage performances improvement, and media interviews, thus a highly biased composition.

.rumah

tempat yang menahan air mata dengan senyuman
tempat di mana waktu berjalan lambat, hingga sore pun sempat duduk-duduk di teras depan
dengan secangkir kopi
semangkuk batang-batang coklat
dan pelajaran tentang mencintai setiap pilihan yang dibuat dengan hati.

bandung, 23 november 2013 pada suatu sore

at the train station.

they say night is still young,
but don't you think it's already old enough to bite you,
at heart?

the only place where night will never grow up is at the train station.

all the coming seconds were (in the end) always swept away
by those departing trains, with certain destinations set on its machines.

have you ever seen the times running there, at the train station?
have you ever seen them playing hide and seek with the departure announcement?
have you ever seen them holding tight to the platform's railing?

have you ever felt them shrinking into memories those were slipping into your luggage,
and just silently follow you home?

maybe that's why on that one time you said you had this weird feeling
of not wanting to step out on your very destination station.
you wished the train would take you back to the previous station where you step in.

that's when memories shattered the place of home in your mind.
that's when even a heart doesn't have any control of your decision,
that's when it got bitten by the too-old time.

"traveling solo is never an escape, nor a cure, for a lonely heart."

- me, at the (supposedly to be) last solo trip.

[travelnotes] September getaway, an intro : two nights three days.

So, September 2013 is another memorable month to me. I had a getaway of two nights three days in Singapore. It all began with one word : BIGBANG *kyaa*. And here's my story...

On a one fine day, while browsing my favorite sites, I stumbled into the news that my current (most) favorite (boyband) group will be performing at the opening concert of 2013 Singapore Grand Prix Formula 1. Knowing it, I got really excited, considering they haven't been on a stage as a complete team for quite a long time. I miss seeing their performance live, through fancams though I should add. It never crossed my mind to actually go to Singapore to see their performance. Not until a friend who was living there texted me, and excitingly ask me whether I'd go to Singapore to see them or not. She's not a fan of Bigbang, anyway, but she's been to some of previous Singapore GP's concerts. She told me that the single ticket for the first day (the practice day), including the opening concert should have a lower price. Curious, I checked the website, and yes, the single ticket for the first day was not really that 'pricey', but still the number gasped me. End of discussion (in my head), I'm not going!

On another (not so) fine day, I changed my mind. Oh well, what you can expect from a fangirl? *big grin* I blame it to one tweet from @KartuPos announcing a special offer for the first day's race and concert with a price which made me, ahem, didn't think twice to buy it. Shortly, I got it ;) And later I've realized other things : where to stay and how to get there, and how much those all will cost *dang* -__-" However, I could manage them just in time.

Where to Stay

Picking up the place to stay is always on top of my most important considerations whenever I was doing a solo travelling. Oh, by the way, yes, this was another solo traveling for me ;) It's just part of the safety procedures. I'm fully realized I already made my parents worried by (loving to) traveling alone, I don't need to add their anxiety by being careless throughout the journey. So I came up with several 'requirements' for the place to stay :

• It has to be a hostel or dormitory type of lodging. Simply, I didn't have that much of budget >.<
• It has to be specifically a girl dormitory, or at least a woman-only-room, with separate bathroom for men and women. I tried avoiding to bump into just any stranger male in the dark *eh*.
• It must have a strategic location, near (or within a walking distance, 200 meters is maximum) from the nearest MRT Station. It's not that I didn't want to walk more than that. The concert will be starting at 23.15, and should be ending at 00.30 am at the earliest (actually it was extended until 00.45 for the encores). Well, if you think I would want to walk alone in some streets on someplace strange at those hours (plus the commuting time which took approximately 30-45 minutes), forget that thought.

Thankfully it's Singapore, a place where I (and my parents) were already quite familiar with. Through Agoda, it's not really difficult to find the place that meets those requirements. From the options left, I made my choice to stay at the Checkers Backpackers Inn in Little India District, 200 meters away from Little India MRT station. The price was quite reasonable for a double-deck ladies only room. The place was good enough to rest after spending most of the days outside. The room-mates were also okay. Actually, I didn't interact much with them as I spent most of the day outside and got back to the dormitory when they were already sleeping or even not yet came back. The only unpleasant thing I experienced was being at the same floor with a group of family from Indonesia, who seemed to not understand the meaning of staying in hostel or dormitory. Being so noisy, shouting to one another, I seriously thought they forgot that there're other people on the floor who wished to have some rest. And not to mention being so messy (and still noisy) in the bathroom *doh*. Oh, and to walk 200 meters from the MRT Station to the inn through some streets in Little India District at 01.30 am, ahem, I don't think I would want it again, ever! But, overall, the stay is good :)

How to Get There

This one is not as tricky as looking where to stay. For the first time, I took a budget airlines Air Asia, and as I put aside buying the tickets until last minutes, I was able to get a promo two-way ticket (yayy!!) which not so promo since I had the trip on weekend, but still, the price was more reasonable than when the last time I checked it. On the earlier plan, I should get the F1 ticket from @KartuPos on Friday noon, but then later I could get it days before while still in Jakarta. However, regarding the earlier plan, I already book the first flight for the departure day on Friday. The flight was at 05.30 am, which means I had to get at the airport at 04.30 am at the latest. Considering a one hour commuting time, I had to leave home at 03.30 am at the latest, well make it 03.15 am to be safe. This flight time had caused a little drama. I suddenly worried to go to the airport by taxi, alone, at that hour. So I try asking my friends about the possibility of riding a travel or shuttle bus (at least I only need to ride the taxi alone only until the travel/shuttle's pool), but no travel or shuttle operating at such hour T___T So, finally I muster my courage and decided to ride a taxi to the airport. Alhamdulillah I reached the airport safely just in time the check-in counter opened :) So started here, off we go!

The Itinerary

The main reason for this trip is, again, the Bigbang concert. But I feel it would be such a waste if I went to Singapore only for that purpose. The concert is on friday night, so I could have saturday and sunday to extend my visit. And so I did, as I remember having "unfinished business" there ;p So for the arrival day, I chose the 14.30 (Singapore time) flight on Sunday. That means I would have a two nights three day in Singapore ;)

Day-1 is the concert day, so automatically it can't be combined with any other plans *huhu*

Day-2 is a full-free-day. I just need to put in, ahem, a little time to do some shopping thing for the people back home and, ahem, my self for sure. 

Day-3 is a half-free-day. I just need to make sure that I won't be late for check-out and to go to Changi. Well, I wasn't late. I came back to the inn at 11.50 am for check out at 12.00 pm. I arrived at Changi at 14.00 for flight at 14.30. What a time (mis)management, girl --"

When the thought of extending my trip came, I already know just where I want to go in Singapore. The parks! But since the list were too long, I could only choose the top three T___T *gaahh I want to visit more* After a long strolling around the National Parks Board's website, these were my choices :

1. The Southern Ridges Trails

2. Marina Garden by the Bay

3. My Waterway at Punggol

Okay, that's just too much for an intro. Next, I'll post the story about (my first time) watching Bigbang's performance live and about the parks :)

untitled #6

sinar matamu adalah buku yang paling ingin aku baca saat ini,

namun ia beraksara yang tak kupahami.