. . .
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
. . .

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe  is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any  great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.
. . .

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out our own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
. . .

Rest in peace, Steve Jobs.

Even I'm not (yet) using any kind of Apple, but sure I am one of those affected by a commencement addressed by Steve Jobs for graduates of Stanford University, delivered on June 12, 2005.
. . .

“In most people’s vocabularies, design means veneer. It’s interior decorating. It’s the fabric of the curtains of the sofa. But to me, nothing could be further from the meaning of design. Design is the fundamental soul of a human-made creation that ends up expressing itself in successive outer layers of the product or service. When you’re a carpenter making a beautiful chest of drawers, you’re not going to use a piece of plywood on the back, even though it faces the wall and nobody will ever see it. You’ll know it’s there, so you’re going to use a beautiful piece of wood on the back. For you to sleep well at night, the aesthetic, the quality, has to be carried all the way through.” — Steve Jobs (via www[dot]archdaily[dot]com)

whenever i think that things are not fair, i chill myself down by asking : "what's 'fair' anyway?"

#selfnote, that has been come over and over again, that the thought must have never arisen unless i left only the uncontrollables.

#bisa juga menganggap ini semacam karma, karena dua tahun lalu saya tidak mengusahakan yang terbaik untuk mewujudkan impian saya waktu itu. ya. anggap saja begitu.

waktu |

mengikuti lekukmu, waktu, aku tercekik
oleh ketakutan akan bagaimana setelah ini?
lupa aku untuk berlari saja mengikuti jejakmu menari,
walau dengan langkah patah-patah.
karena hanya dengan menari rasa takut itu luruh.

mengikuti lekukmu, waktu, tak terkira berapa kali aku mati
pada setiap kelok tak tertanda,
pada setiap jeram yang tiba-tiba.
tuli aku oleh pekikanku sendiri,
supaya dunia tak perlu tahu ketakutan yang berdentam dalam hati.

duabelas.

hujan dan matahari adalah penanda,
musim adalah yang tertanda.
ada yang datang, ada yang kemudian pergi,
ada yang selalu berputar, pada tempatnya selalu kembali.


jika waktu adalah istana,
maka ia pasti terbuat dari pasir tepi pantai
dengan tangan-tangan nakal, terselip dalam setiap bena
yang suka sekali menghancurkannya, sebelum sempat berperi :


leburkan aku kembali pada asalmu,
hingga tak bersisa satu lorong pun bagi waktu
untuk mencuri-curi ingatan tentang sebentuk abadi
yang ia berdiam semata dalam ilusi.

"the hardest part of being a planner is to imagine beyond decades, a real long term, while still having the thought attached to current ground."

#selfnote, originally shouted on February 5th, 2011.

kamu menekan deretan nomor yang sama. berkali-kali,
demi sepatah tanya : tidakkah kamu rindu padaku?

demi matahari,
tidakkah kata-kata sebangsa demikian itu sudah lama terbenam pada barat?

jika kau lihat mataku tak lagi memandangmu,
mungkin benar, aku tidak mau lagi rindu padamu. sungguh pun aku benar tak rindu.

dan sekali lagi demi pagi yang selalu setia pada hari,
tidakkah kita berdua yang sama-sama menyaksikan terbenamnya matahari terakhir kita?

kamu tahu, aku (pun) menekan deretan nomor yang sama. berkali-kali,
(juga) demi sepatah tanya : apakah ada matahari terbit di sana?

laki-laki ikut berputar, dalam kapsul pada mata besar sang negeri,
bukan perbatasan, apalagi negeri dongeng
hanya negeri tempat pintu gerbang menuju langit berpijak
dan bianglala yang tak lagi tujuh warna.


laki-laki ikut berputar, bersama nasib dan waktu yang terpisah aliran sungai
yang padanya perempuan akan datang bersama mimpi dalam tas punggung
juga jam pasir yang dibiarkannya tertidur di dasar perahu.

kepada malaikat-malaikat yang baru saja berlalu-lalang di depanku,
berjuta terima kasih
pasti, tentu dengan izin Sang Pemilik Semesta, akan kucari ia
hingga ke negeri bermata besar yang ada di pinggir sungai.

semoga ia, sang penjaga surga, berkenan menunggu.

say you love me.

Say You Love Me - Simply Red

one of the songs that belongs to "music, i'm in love" category

notes : i'm sorry if this' a double post. i just need to hear this song, to feel at ease for a moment, to feel a little bit better, to feel that still believing is everything.

ia tidak tersesat. hanya sangat menikmati perjalanannya hingga tidak merasa perlu terburu-buru.


dan aku tidak menunggu. hanya mereka-reka cerita dengan pena waktu hingga sampai pada buram yang tak lagi terhitung.


itu pikirku.