indecisiveness drives me crazy. moreover if it comes within myself. it's not like i don't know what i want. it's not like i don't have any vision, though at the slightest, towards the future.
it feels like there're invisible hands holding my heart back, got my mind blinded, and keep my feet nowhere but the very now ground. it doesn't feel like fate. at all.
and yes i pray. yet how should i know whether my heart prays emptily or not. or whether there're actually you playing peek-a-boo inside. the future might have something to do with you, true (and hopefully so), but my prayers today are definitely not.
i need to call you without any name, first.
i need to recall you without any face, at this very beginning.
i need to long for you without any direct hope, secretly.
and if there're to be any pain come and linger,
i'd know for sure : fate never do shortcuts.
so that, day by day...
...everything would fall off the prayer, leave only the prayer itself and me.
. . .
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