[notes] today's insight.

Never make fun of anyone who can not do what you can do easily, it's easy for you because Allah made it easy for you.

- @MuslimSmiles

[music] Tablo (feat. Lee Sora) - Home.

"When I step past my door frame, I get dizzy
Because it’s the border to my comfort zone
The useless emotions that dirty my heart is covered with dust
If I get out of here, there’s death
Because I disliked the unfamiliar happiness more than the familiar sadness, I threw away my footsteps
I worry that I’ll become a pair of worn shoes
Because the world, time, people twistedly wear me
I forget. Like the heaps of newspapers and bills in front of my door,
Don’t leave the thoughts and demands of the world in front of me
This is my home – leave me alone
Just don’t come in here"

"Inside my sadness that became my home,
Inside my sadness that became my home, can I invite you in?"

credit & full lyrics. . .

ps : and how would i know whether you want the invitation (or not) is not really mine to think over, is it?

day. by day.

indecisiveness drives me crazy. moreover if it comes within myself. it's not like i don't know what i want. it's not like i don't have any vision, though at the slightest, towards the future. 

it feels like there're invisible hands holding my heart back, got my mind blinded, and keep my feet nowhere but the very now ground. it doesn't feel like fate. at all.

and yes i pray. yet how should i know whether my heart prays emptily or not. or whether there're actually you playing peek-a-boo inside. the future might have something to do with you, true (and hopefully so), but my prayers today are definitely not. 

i need to call you without any name, first.
i need to recall you without any face, at this very beginning.
i need to long for you without any direct hope, secretly.

and if there're to be any pain come and linger,
i'd know for sure : fate never do shortcuts.


so that, day by day...
...everything would fall off the prayer, leave only the prayer itself and me.


. . .

tuddy.

dari kepalamu selalu keluar warna

.

kadang mereka acak seperti pada semangkuk salad

kadang rapi seperti pada pelangi

kadang mereka kau ikat agak lega,

kadang kau biar berdiri

kadang mereka kau sembunyikan,

kadang kau beri aku sedikit celah untuk mengintip

.

dan mungkin, waktu itu di mataku kamu terlihat seperti dia :

tuddy putih kecil dan lucu yang ber-mohawk 

[repost] [journal] the happiness project : my version.

Get the logic and feel the feel. Happiness is within ourselves, we only need to dig it, which happens to be a never ending journey. 

The starting point is the principles, of which mine are :

1. Be Astri. Be a person I always picture myself gonna be. Be it in faith, habits, behavior, style and thoughts. 
2. If I ever to meet people who disagree about things with me, I gotta remember that I do not have any responsibility to make them agree with me. 
3. However every things certainly must come up with basic logical reason, hence the argumentation (if needed) would have gone fair for both side. 
4. Never pin an answer “…well, I’ve just feel like to…” Even you trust an intuition because of its valid reasoning, not mere feeling. 
5. When I ever to encounter things those were not of my preferences, I need to remember to rather ignore them than being an anti. And of course, focus to those of my liking, instead. 
6. But, still, do remember that some people deal with it by being cynical, sarcastic, throwing satire or tantrum. Accept differences on people’s view in accepting the world. 
7. Tighten the belly, broaden the view! 
8. Be a lady I’d wish my future daughter to see in her mom. 
9. Keep calm and maintain rush management. 
10. Fall in love (this time with heart), free the mind, risk the heart. 
11. Be honest, be brave, be a woman with full of love. 
12. Never ever quit writing, whatever happens, whatever it takes :) 

Inspired by Rubin Gretchen’s The Happiness Project.

(As I've written here, with some editing needed, also possible changes anytime in future)

[journal] happy vs. happiness

- the more the deadlines, the more the urges to write anything unrelated to the works -

Let me state this (as this blog is also my personal recording tool) : 2013 is gonna be my pilot year of a happiness project of my version. And just like any other project, this one also come with main goal  at the end. Not exactly in the very end, but one main goal it is for one full year.

Okay, did I seriously wrote one, only ONE, goal at all for a whole year? Yes :) However, this one main goal seems to be derived into several secondary goals. And this time, unlike many other years before, I make sure to follow up my goals with plans. I've just found out that making resolutions and outlining the executing plans are really two different things. Now, you know why I mostly failed in reaching my goals. But then again, this year is different. If I can't start to change for the better now, then I can't really be sure anymore whether I'll be able to change at all.

Turns out that turning onto the big three is a big deal to me . . .

One thing I always believe : being happy is not something you could plan out, it is something you choose to be. However, how to get to the version of you who would do so... that is something that could be planed. Hence, a happiness project :)

*By the way, I really recommend the book by Gretchen Rubin. It enlightened in certain ways I didn't expect it by the time I decided to read the book. You can't expect to always find positive motivational lines inside the book, but it would be a big big help when you decided to have a year with "being more and more organized in every aspects of life" theme. I found it so. 

I wish to write more about the project this year. Well, taking some rest from my-poetry-writing habit might not be that bad, isn't it? A period of cooling down is sometimes needed. A period to reflect more, to read more, to listen more, to be grateful more..and less being unhappy. After all I got every little reasons for not being unhappy. 

So... starting a happiness project by being happy for some little big things, should we? ;)

\

pada senjamu, 

merah yang kurindukan sembunyi.

[music] Yannick Bovy - Theoretical Love.

falling hard for this song . . .

especially the lyrics :

"You're fire and I'm water That's just how it is my friend Love is not a concept, no"

.

"You say, "Stick to the plan" And I say, "It's out of your hands""

.

"Is this how you feel? Theoretical love

Let's make something real We got a good thing going on If we don't try we will fall

It doesn't make any sense at all"

. . .

(credit : for full lyrics please go here)

.

somehow i feel like my future man is now singing this for me, from afar only God knows where :')

. .

ps : by the way, why must it you're fire and I'm water? why not you're fire and I'm air? *eh*

[1/4.1/4.1/4.1/4]

bertaut dengan udara, 
dalam jarak dua hati berpunggungan, juga maaf dan terima kasih yang tak cukup.

berdamai dengan api : 
ambisi dan hal-hal yang terabai, dan hari ini.

berpijak pada bumi, baik-baik 
dan dengan seadanya cinta di awang-awang.

lalu percaya ada masa depan di ujung aliran air, 
jika saja mau dan hanya mau mengikutinya hingga ke mana.

[journal] 2013, as i wish it to be remembered.

happy and content, be complete with all i got. 
listen more to God, not to what's claimed to be heard by some hearts nor minds.

and, yes, i don't do resolutions since i'm with Calvin on it, this way :
"Resolutions? Me? Just what are you implying? That I need to change?? Well, Buddy, as far as I'm concerned, I'm perfect the way I am!" - Calvin -


. . .
oh well, if you insist, i'd make one then :
to stop my self from saying "peace",
because as long as unlimited freedom of speech is still married to social media, there won't be any peace exist. 
peace!