7.4.12
5.4.12
[journal] faktor J.
dalam mengejar-ngejar terpenuhinya semua target ini, saya lupa memperhitungkan satu hal, yang mungkin sebenarnya kecil saja, tapi dampaknya besar luar biasa untuk seseorang yang 'bosenan' seperti saya :
faktor kejenuhan.
sekian.
-- i'm not really a good executor :'(
faktor kejenuhan.
sekian.
-- i'm not really a good executor :'(
4.4.12
3.4.12
takut.
saat-saat akhir berjingkat pelan menuju pintu belakang,
aku tak kuasa mencegahnya.
hanya bisa menatap punggungnya,
dan meyakinkan diri bahwa di balik pintu itu ada secarik masa depan yang diam-diam menjemput,
membawa akhir pulang supaya ia dapat bertemu dengan awal di sana,
dan lalu bersama, mereka cerita : segala sesuatu di antara mereka.
aku tak kuasa mencegahnya.
hanya bisa menatap punggungnya,
dan meyakinkan diri bahwa di balik pintu itu ada secarik masa depan yang diam-diam menjemput,
membawa akhir pulang supaya ia dapat bertemu dengan awal di sana,
dan lalu bersama, mereka cerita : segala sesuatu di antara mereka.
2.4.12
imajiner #3.
perkenalkan,
ini adalah,
pembunuh berkepala batu yang tak ingin segalanya berlangsung cepat dan terjadi sekali,
bersenjata hanya satu, dan bernama batas.
sekian
ini adalah,
pembunuh berkepala batu yang tak ingin segalanya berlangsung cepat dan terjadi sekali,
bersenjata hanya satu, dan bernama batas.
sekian
imajiner #2.
titik.
jika merah adalah amarah,
hitam dan putih adalah jeruji pengurung dan lembar baru yang terkungkung,
karena sedari mula hanyalah hijau bumi, biru air, dan putih udara.
dan merah tidak lahir dari antaranya,
lalu koma.
imajiner #1.
meridian adalah harpa yang berputar,
dengan jemari matahari menari padanya,
senandung lagu lalu berloncatan pada waktu,
hingga memercik hujan tengah malam,
bintang-bintang menangis karena lagu tak mampir pada semesta mereka.
dengan jemari matahari menari padanya,
senandung lagu lalu berloncatan pada waktu,
hingga memercik hujan tengah malam,
bintang-bintang menangis karena lagu tak mampir pada semesta mereka.
1.4.12
[journal] 0,01% and plus.
33,33% being choleric helps me to make decision fast and firm, with so little regret for now, but with too many evaluation in future.
indeed there are only two types of decision, the one that makes you regret not taking it now, and the one that eventually will make you regret taking it way later (too far in future to actually be overly worried now). and despite the difficulty, i rather love making decisions.
33,33% being melancholic doesn't help me in getting the works done as fast as possible. oppositely, it makes me took like forever to finish even one so simple task. hence, i'm not working at my best with deadline. i'm working things out with outputs i had in mind.
in fact this' not a good thing. i don't even dare to think i'm that much of perfectionist. (well, who's on earth telling the world that they themselves are perfectionist? doesn't the word "perfect" itself ranked top of highly subjective adjective? doesn't addressing ourselves as perfectionist means telling others they don't aim for perfection?) but i do have my own definition of "doing my best". and that's all that i always (try to) aim for.
33,33% being phlegmatic helps me A LOT in ignoring things i shouldn't really take too hardly. the sense of being rather bossy or not obeying what others told me to do or just simply not following others, is this part's responsibility, instead the choleric part.
oh, and one thing, this part also help me to work things under pressure, not by letting me have less stress, but rather by giving me some sense of freedom to do them my way. *really, i must soon be an employer for myself*
and... 0,01% for the ability to shift in between those three above.
and... inconvenience to me is whenever (and wherever, and however) those three have a fight.
just like today. and any other given days until June.
indeed there are only two types of decision, the one that makes you regret not taking it now, and the one that eventually will make you regret taking it way later (too far in future to actually be overly worried now). and despite the difficulty, i rather love making decisions.
33,33% being melancholic doesn't help me in getting the works done as fast as possible. oppositely, it makes me took like forever to finish even one so simple task. hence, i'm not working at my best with deadline. i'm working things out with outputs i had in mind.
in fact this' not a good thing. i don't even dare to think i'm that much of perfectionist. (well, who's on earth telling the world that they themselves are perfectionist? doesn't the word "perfect" itself ranked top of highly subjective adjective? doesn't addressing ourselves as perfectionist means telling others they don't aim for perfection?) but i do have my own definition of "doing my best". and that's all that i always (try to) aim for.
33,33% being phlegmatic helps me A LOT in ignoring things i shouldn't really take too hardly. the sense of being rather bossy or not obeying what others told me to do or just simply not following others, is this part's responsibility, instead the choleric part.
oh, and one thing, this part also help me to work things under pressure, not by letting me have less stress, but rather by giving me some sense of freedom to do them my way. *really, i must soon be an employer for myself*
and... 0,01% for the ability to shift in between those three above.
and... inconvenience to me is whenever (and wherever, and however) those three have a fight.
just like today. and any other given days until June.
mendung hari minggu.
ia mendulang resah dengan meratakan jejak dengan tanah,
memasukkan pasir yang terangkat ke dalam botol-botol kaca,
untuk dijajarkan pada ruang tengah tempat menonton emas bergantungan di halaman belakang.
(emas itu bergantung pada dulang,
yang dibawanya dari masa lalu,
yang diambilnya dari berlembar-lembar coretan kala duapuluhan,
yang warnanya menyepak keraguan, membuat sebuah awal,
dan di atas segalanya, mendatangkan bahagia yang berwarna kuning)
lalu mendung menggantung sisa resah yang larut,
menjadi hujan hari minggu yang berwarna kuning, bersemburat emas.
. . .
catatan :
1. mendulang -- melimbang -- mencuci.
2. dulang -- pohon trengguli (Cassia fistula)
memasukkan pasir yang terangkat ke dalam botol-botol kaca,
untuk dijajarkan pada ruang tengah tempat menonton emas bergantungan di halaman belakang.
(emas itu bergantung pada dulang,
yang dibawanya dari masa lalu,
yang diambilnya dari berlembar-lembar coretan kala duapuluhan,
yang warnanya menyepak keraguan, membuat sebuah awal,
dan di atas segalanya, mendatangkan bahagia yang berwarna kuning)
lalu mendung menggantung sisa resah yang larut,
menjadi hujan hari minggu yang berwarna kuning, bersemburat emas.
. . .
catatan :
1. mendulang -- melimbang -- mencuci.
2. dulang -- pohon trengguli (Cassia fistula)
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