bukan (semacam) sumpah.

bahwa jika berkehendak,
maka itu adalah pesan dari semesta untuk mencari jalan.

bahwa jika dihampiri mimpi,
maka itu adalah tandanya untuk bangun.

bahwa jika ingin mengerti,
maka itu adalah awal untuk berbicara seadanya.

[note] that real 'okay, this should be it' moment is...

...when the world (through the people around me) suddenly conspired in telling me to get married. Because it's "I want to get married." not "I want to get married, but...", whatever it is put after 'but'.

[note] just when i was thinking too much of an eagle...

...here comes the eagle boys.

. . .

i love how he called them :

(translated) "The 5 Eagle Brothers"

four more years, boys...

...and i'd love to see the five of you be the real eagles :)

[note] whether people around you are true or fake, ...

... it's none of your responsibility. just bear with the sensitivity overload to detect it, but never let it blind your heart.

[note] disappointment (sometimes) has a name,

...like "where were you?"

[music] EPIK HIGH - UP

surprisingly good, Epik High. you got my heart for this :)

.

Though I’m at the tip of your toes today, I’ll be over your head tomorrow.

Even if someone blocks my way, I’m goin’ up.

Up, up, baby get up, up, we’re goin’ up.

Up, up, baby get up, up, we’re goin’ up.

Up, up, baby get up, up, we’re goin’ up.

Up, up, baby get up.

(lyrics credit to here)

[journal] e.

...no matter how much i love being solitaire, just like any normal human being, i wish to have somebody to pat my back at times i was on my weakest. but most of times, whenever i turn my head around, i saw just nobody. and while i tried to tell my unimportant stories, i immediately got an "if it's me..." (or how should i translate this correctly : "kalo aku..." or "saya mah..."?). and  just when i didn't even get a chance to whine, suddenly there's an "oh, c'mon...it's not that big deal!" (again, how should i translate this : "ah, gitu doaaang")...

really, world.

...or maybe it's that i was never too much of patting someone else's back? or maybe it's that i was never a fullhearted listener? or maybe it's that i never see things fairly?...

really, me.

. . . 

heart : "i don't know anymore..."
head : "you dare come to me acting as a victim, i'll sure be a real villain to you"
conscience : "there..there... it's just an up and down. don't be such a crybaby. don't be such a rockhead. emotion's best friend is energy. patting your own back couldn't be that bad, for now, until you're grown up enough to be patted by somebody else. :)"


(this post is coincidentally inspired by Epik High's sixth official album with title [e], of which is both [e]motion and [e]nergy)

[note] "things you truly want, no matter how, always find their way to get your attention. again. again. and again...

...if they could be so stubborn, then why don't you too be as stubborn to get them?

one at a time.

[note] how can i . . .

how can i be a writer, 
while i don't even master the very basic writing skill?
how can i be a planner, 
while i was twice educated more as a designer?

mengurai.

simpul-simpul mati tak kasatmata
merepih dentum-dentum penanda peralihan detak.

acak. berpanjang tak sama.
berjarak. meniriskan hangat-hangat harap.

simpul-simpul mati tak kasatmata
mengikat erat-erat rasa yang semacam semu.

mengurainya adalah janji-janji nanti,
yang jika sampai pada waktunya ia tertagih,
berlapang dada bukan lagi pilihan.