[journal] writing, lately.

Okay, I have to admit that I'm having the worst relationship with writing on this period (semester to be precise). Even as I could remembered, I still wrote during my hectic days of thesis and even on my busy days of year-end project reports. Something was just off, lately.

Usually, whenever things came to me, writing them off would be my automatic mode. No matter whether I would love or hate it, later. I just couldn't help being expressive through writing on this blog, the better under 'sketsa suara' tag. But lately, I think too much before posting almost anything. I became more and more worry whether that would be something worthy of posting or not, yet such thing never really that much of consideration. There's always a pair of edit-and-review thing.

I once said to my friend, maybe for the last years, writing had been my tool for searching of something. And that for now I thought I have found what I was looking for, so eventually, unconsciously I began to stop writing.

But it's not it. Turns out there's no such thing as settling down. There's no such thing as "finally finding".

Here's my proof : this month would be my last month working in that big city. I tell you, this is far from my plan, which originally outlined three-five years of living as the big-city-career-girl. And if you wonder where will I be starting from the next month, I tell you one more thing : I don't know. Who knows what kind of decision I would make at this very month. Who know which way I'd put my trust in, my intuition or my logic.

Or my pride.

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So I just come with the idea to start again, from the scratch. To take notes of each encounters during my last stay in the city. Well, those might be not all a pleasant thing. But, documentation is about documenting. It's a neutral thing. No matter it's about good things or bad things. The documenting must go on.

Nonetheless, writing is one important decision I made when I was 27, yet I didn't know what kind of writing I want to make. Hence nothing was ever started, really. As for now, despite all those bitterness of the livelihood in the big city, it surprisingly gives me a very clear vision of that later thing. The starting point, however, is on my hand.


. .
Just in case, not too long from now I'd make a decision the future me would definitely regret.