Sometimes we need to keep life in check. Whether we're happy, or unhappy. Whether we're on track or of track. And not because life is a checklist.
There are some things I'd been trying to manage: a not-so-deep curiosity. Things those always intriguing me to answer needless questions, to reactive towards unnecessary conflicts, to assume things those are clear as passing cloud. Things those I thought will tie me close to home, yet they made the distance wider.
I always wonder, of those who are now being faraway from home, just I do, how do they maintain their presence back home. How do they stay confident that they were not missing any piece of love. And all the while they live a separate phase of life. How can they be okay and not pretending that they are not?
I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss home. I do. So much, but not that so. Going through several months on my own, I finally realized that I am now being separated from all the familiar comforts I used to being close to. And to my surprise, I kind of love this new fact.
A fact that includes a condition in which I should expect for more loneliness, the beautiful version of it. A kind of loneliness that is not tearing me into pieces, but helping me to collect the scattered pieces instead. And I'm enjoying the phase slowly, and happily.
It might not always be a brand new happy life, but it must be one of those moving forward series. Going towards different direction is one kind of a beautiful open ending. A not-so-freshly-started life, but hey, life is always fresh!
While keeping all my respect and admiration and love and longing and secret hope, I'd like to genuinely ask you: will you let go of me?


Titis said...

Kalo dari pengalaman gue sendiri, gue merasa banyak missing something selama gue absen di Indonesia. Banyaknya banyak sekali ya, nggak keitung. Yang paling ekstrem mungkin, gue tumbuh sebagai individual yang beda karena beda lingkungan, beda budaya dan beda tantangan kayaknya, ya. Life will never be the same, Wid. You will find your way lah how to be okay with missing things that are important for you, including growing apart - or at least you'll find your way pretending that everything's okay. Butuh waktu sih, but you'll get there.

widyastri said...

Mudah-mudahan ya Tis. To be honest, di satu sisi gue merasa 'tidak keberatan' dengan fakta bahwa untuk sementara waktu gue akan 'berpisah jalan' dengan orang-orang terdekat gue. Sepi iya, (kadang) kesepian juga iya. Tapi kali ini it's somewhat expected. Maybe this is actually the distance I've always (quietly) wished for.