[journal] a taste of half a season.

And suddenly it's February. I'm hoping to run with it, after January took me down.

Well, okay, January might not be the best month this year. Things happened, and those were not pleasant ones, unfortunately. Another lesson learnt. It's true that the only thing you can expect to come is the unexpected. No matter how good of a planner you might be, there's always some spaces for emergency. To re-plan is a consequence when you decided to plan at the first place.

Am I okay? Not really. Will I be okay? I don't know. I realize I'm more a logical person rather than an optimistic one. But, you know, it's not being optimistic that makes me figured out the way out. It's being logical does. So the question shouldn't be something too abstract, it should be clearer such do I have a resolution to face the things? Sure. I do.

I still can't go on the details, but this one thing happened sure gave me a big question. One most repeated question : what do I actually want in life?

Just now I realized the answer might not be everlasting. Just like the changing seasons. Or it might be everlasting. The first thing you have wants, the second thing you'd be tested as many as needed, do you really want it? Does it come right from heart, or just a temporary desire which fully occupy your mind?

There're so many resolutions to make, so many next way to take. Nobody said it's gonna be easier. Indeed, making a place for yourself in this world is a hard thing to do. Because this world is already a place not just for you.

Season changing. It's not a full season, yet.
And the taste of half a season is just bittersweet.

=====
ps :
The phrase "a taste of half a season" is inspired by some lines of dialogue on Japanese manga Strobe Edge. When I read the similar phrase used by its main characters, I suddenly felt the urge to write something about it.