[journal] happiness project #30 : a review.

I started 2013 by setting a pilot happiness project. With one goal : to move on from this long-time-getting-me-to-nowhere-kind-of-unrequited-love. Sounds cheesy as it actually was. However, that one cheesy goal happened to generate itself into some sub-not-so-cheesy-goals which I'd love to appreciate myself to finally be able to unravel my so-much-cluttered life. Pardon my self-centered-reflections.

Now, I want to start 2014 with some looking back to the project. What happened to the big cheesy goal? What also happened to the small not-so-cheesy sub-goals?

I moved on. Not as planned, which was supposed to be like this : I flew across the South China Sea, landing in front of him, tell him "I loved you, this' confession is more my ego. Thank you and see you", and flew back home and live a happy single life. No. It doesn't work that way.

I moved on, by consciously leading a mindful days. Slowly, one thing at a time. It never crossed my thought that being mindful to your own sadness, fear, and cuffs could help that much in letting go what's even never be yours at the first place. And later I found it's just as important to accept the whole of yourself, including that scary part of you which had let you to be in control of such delusional mind, as accepting that something is not and never to be yours.

While for the sub-goals, I admit 2013 was just a start of every changes I want to be. A good start if I may say. So I'd like to keep those sub-goals this year as well. Those were more of new habits I'd love to maintain throughout my life ahead, with some improvements every now and later when needed. Some evaluation is necessary though, especially on the self principles part.

Last year, it went this ways. This year, I think some revisions wouldn't hurt. So here I go :

1. Be Astri. Be a girl, a lady, you envision yourself to be, how you would like your daughter to see in you.
2. Be true. Whether it's planned or spontaneous. Be it philosophical or practical.
3. Never get easily offended and intimidated. Listen, and filter. Every information are neutral.
4. Eat and speak slowly. Eat as little. Speak as few.
5. Write down your thoughts for any findings, not shouting them out just in any random way.
6. Do all things needed in a portion that's just enough.
7. Be organized more. With some amount of cluttered space.
8. Be kind and well mannered to your surroundings.
9. Remember, setting up or maintaining a distance is not forbidden.
10. Never ever quit writing, whatever happens, whatever it takes :) 

I compressed them from 12 into 10. I try to make them more simple than before, firm yet flexible. Some were eliminated from list. Some others were combined. But the last one stayed :)


One thing for sure I'd love to say at the end of 2014 is "this year things are great!"

.
ps : I managed to not saying "peace!" all this year. yay!

[journal] 2013,

the year i turned 30.
what's in a number? yet, it's not mere a number.

the year i moved out from where i always think of as a home.
and change is good.

the year i entrusted with a title i always long for.
now bear the responsibility.

the year when it finally came to mind, things i thought would never crossed my mind :
all i want is my mom and dad to be happy.

the year that might be the very last time for me to make such a reckless solo travelling.
well, i don't think so. guess there'll still be lots of solo trips. but a reckless one no more.

the year i felt like i'm fourteen again.
watching my favorite guys, being a fan girl to a heart content. and yes, it feels so good to be crazily in love.

the year i learnt to let go.
and letting go never equals to giving up.

the year i began to accept.
and to accept is indeed to give.

the year i dare to say i love myself more.
and nothing is really wrong with that.

the year i came to realize, i can't blame anything to "but, my heart said so".
you did not forget your senses, or did you?

the year i slowly detaching myself from things i shouldn't be too detached to.
distance is something to be embraced, not somewhere to escape to.

the year i choose, despite all, to feel complete and contented :)


Thank you 2013, for having me, to let me grow these ways...
and for all of you : have a wonderful better 2014, dears :)

[notes] november without a goodbye.

broken hearts never compromised.
and time does not heal.

it's a journey to end it all.
it's the same one, to start things over.

making itinerary is the quest of a piece of mind,
and a solitude of soul.
making it (really) happen is an attempt to crystallized
what's not meant to be yours, from the very start.



november doesn't hold grudge,
it sent a question, it led the answer.



through the sky to the east i determined.

[travelnotes] my (first) BIGBANG concert.

..and why did I include a concert in a travelnote? It's because to me, just like a book, a music could also give you a chance to travel to another world you didn't even know it exists..


Prior the Party

From the moment it was confirmed that I got the concert (and the race) ticket, I got really really really excited. I could not believe that watching their concert, even though this one is the mini one, can be a reality in any time, soon. Well, I tried to calm myself down, getting the necessary things done, securing a permission to be off from my office on that very Friday, making sure things would be just okay at home while I'm leaving, and do the packing. Of course, the last one fail. I just did the whole packing things the night right before the flight, which resulted in I didn't get any sleep, at all. Well, partly because I was too excited I couldn't pack things briefly, hence I just finished packing 45 minutes before my taxi came to pick me up --"

At 3.15 early in the morning, my taxi took me to the airport. At 4.00 I already checked-in, followed by having some coffee and cinnamon roll, did the morning prayer, and waiting calmly at the boarding gate's waiting room. It was almost 5.15 when the boarding call heard, and at 5.30 I was ready in my plane that would take me to my boys *kyaa*. At 8.20 Singapore time, I arrived in Changi, passed the immigration, texted my mom, and finally at 9.00 took the MRT to get to the inn which took approximately one hour. After checked into the dorm, made my bed, and organized my things, I was ready to meet the boys. Yay! So off I go to the venue...

...of which when I got there, it was not so that 'yay!' anymore. The queue is really something >.< why did these fans need to wait that early, huh? Huh? Huh??? However, I needed my lunch, considering I only slept for (maybe) only one hour in the plane, or else I would be faint before I could even dance with them *yes, you wish*. So I got a quick grab of lunch, while observing my surroundings and found the VIP everywhere o.o I went into the line at around 12-12.30 and waiting aaaalll the waaaaayy until 15.00 when the gate opened. My big big mistake was that I didn't bring any mineral water with me, while the sun shine way too bright up there. In other words : it's so hot, boy! So first thing first after I passed the security check when the gate opened, was not running like crazy to the Padang Stage where the boys will be performing, but finding some water and then walk calmly to the spot. Well, thankfully not all the fangirls (or boys) were that crazy to fill up the venue eight hours before the show. At this case, I think I belong to the crazy ones --"

The stage. In the end, I end up watching the race only through the screens. I didn't think I could handle the noise, yet I also didn't want to loose the chance getting a strategic spot for the concert later that night.

And when I looked back, there're so many VIPs who couldn't get closer to the stage inside the fence. I was on the inside, by the way. Oh, at the background was Singapore's business district night skyline. Too bad it wasn't the background of the stage, isn't it :) *but I'll be busy enjoying the view of the boys rather than the skyline, though*

The grass, the sand, the red shoes. And the (very) long wait.

Yes, I'm ready to party! ;)

The SHOW! The Amazing PERFORMANCE! The LIVELY STAGE! The Five Eagle Boys!!!

I remember when I watched G-Dragon's concert in Jakarta last June, I also had similar situation as when I watched this concert. I didn't get any sleep, only got approximately one hour on the travel from Bandung to Jakarta. Well, the story was about to be repeated. Prior the start of the concert, I was really really really tired. And worried, what ifs. What if I was disappointed. What if the show didn't meet my expectation. What if I regretted watching the concert. What if I couldn't enjoy the stage. What if I lost my excitement. Thus I waited in silent, in a deep thought "do I really gonna watching this?". I smiled a little, though, when a video introducing the member was played on screen, which mean the show would start in any moment.

And again, suddenly all the anxiety disappear the second the firework started.

TONIGHT is a beautiful night! It was started! The boys were out!


And I started to jump, singing along, and shouted like any other fan girls (or boys) around me were doing. I suddenly forgot my plan to watch the concert calmly and wholly from the back near the border fence. To think again it was a stupid of me to ever plan so since I was sooo close to the stage T___T *latecry* But but buuutt... I manage to see the boys, their singing, their dancing, clearly. However, it's certain that my attempt to take pictures of them became an epic fail. The boys were just boys, getting all the hype coming together as five on a stage after a long long long time pursuing their solo acts, just imagine how they would shake the stage --"

So these were some of few I could take (and I’m sorry all of them were shaken T___T)

 Choi Seung Hyun aka T.O.P. 

The one who all he needed to do was just standing there and do nothing (oh, a very little smile and taking off the sunglasses would be desirable bonus) to make those girls crazily screaming --"

 Kang Daesung. 

The one with such wonderful voice and that angelic smile. Finally I could see his famous waving hand to the fans. Finally I could hear his notable high notes :’)

Kwon Jiyong aka G-Dragon. 

The most genius. A super talented leader of the boys, yet so humble. We meet again, there :) 

Lee Seung Hyun aka Seungri. 

The most adorable maknae. “I’m sorry my English is horrible. But I can sing, and I can dance, for all of you.” And suddenly I’m in love with this all-grown-up boy. He’s just too sweet *kyaaa*

Dong Youngbae aka Taeyang. 

Yeah!!! Finally I could see the Sun! I think I already wrote so much about him on my last post. All I can say is that, yes, he’s the most active on stage ;) No longer that kind of boy who popped out from a shoujo manga, but now more an artist in the making :”)

.

Now, have I told you that it really fells like a dream coming true to finally be able to attend their concert. It was indeed my dream. Fortunately, the one that came true :) I still can’t believe that I was watching them performing these list :

1.   Tonight

2.   Hands Up

3.   Fantastic Baby

4.   How Gee

5.   Stupid Liar

6.   Crooked  (GD Solo)

7.   Knock Out (GD TOP)

8.   High High (GD TOP)

9.   Gotta Talk to You (Seungri Solo)

10. Strong Baby (Seungri Solo)

11. Gara Gara Go

12. Number 1

13. Bad Boy

14. Feeling

15. Lies

16. Last Farewell

17. Crayon + Fantastic Baby (Encore, Remix)

18. Bad Boy (Encore)

Boy, I was spoiled. The list was among my favorites. Finally a Fantastic Baby and Bad Boy. Gara Gara Go and Number 1. Crooked. Feeling. LIES. And the one turning point : Stupid Liar. I just loveee the performance too much.

But on top of that, I could finally see the five of them come together. Such passion. Such individuality. Such harmony. Such a big bang to life. Oh, I can say no more. This’ just something I’d love to recommend every VIP to experience once in their life.

I am indeed a happy happy happy VIP! And next : another BIGBANG (not a mini one, for sure) Concert, somewhere, on the VIP rows. Yep, you read them right. Just remember : dreams do come true. For those who dare to make it happen.

.

Thank you, dear BIGBANG, for a wonderful night with such passionate performance (just like you always gave). I love you more, eagle boys, enough said :)

. . . 

Ps 1 : this post was completed with a company of their Big Show 2010 concert video, which made me think of how far these boys have gone :’)

Ps 2 : did I regret not being able to take any proper pictures of them? Actually I felt bad more for can not manage the temptation to take pictures, and not putting off my camera and enjoy more the party instead o.O Because just as Taeyang said in his newest song, "Ain't no party like Bigbang party, don't stop!" Yes, YB, I'm as much agree.

Ps 3 : now I can truly say "hat off to those fancams takers and gif makers" those had always given us happiness by providing high quality pictures and images of the boys :)

Ps 4 : see you again, boys! Soon. Somewhere East <3

[travelnotes] September getaway, an intro : two nights three days.

So, September 2013 is another memorable month to me. I had a getaway of two nights three days in Singapore. It all began with one word : BIGBANG *kyaa*. And here's my story...

On a one fine day, while browsing my favorite sites, I stumbled into the news that my current (most) favorite (boyband) group will be performing at the opening concert of 2013 Singapore Grand Prix Formula 1. Knowing it, I got really excited, considering they haven't been on a stage as a complete team for quite a long time. I miss seeing their performance live, through fancams though I should add. It never crossed my mind to actually go to Singapore to see their performance. Not until a friend who was living there texted me, and excitingly ask me whether I'd go to Singapore to see them or not. She's not a fan of Bigbang, anyway, but she's been to some of previous Singapore GP's concerts. She told me that the single ticket for the first day (the practice day), including the opening concert should have a lower price. Curious, I checked the website, and yes, the single ticket for the first day was not really that 'pricey', but still the number gasped me. End of discussion (in my head), I'm not going!

On another (not so) fine day, I changed my mind. Oh well, what you can expect from a fangirl? *big grin* I blame it to one tweet from @KartuPos announcing a special offer for the first day's race and concert with a price which made me, ahem, didn't think twice to buy it. Shortly, I got it ;) And later I've realized other things : where to stay and how to get there, and how much those all will cost *dang* -__-" However, I could manage them just in time.

Where to Stay

Picking up the place to stay is always on top of my most important considerations whenever I was doing a solo travelling. Oh, by the way, yes, this was another solo traveling for me ;) It's just part of the safety procedures. I'm fully realized I already made my parents worried by (loving to) traveling alone, I don't need to add their anxiety by being careless throughout the journey. So I came up with several 'requirements' for the place to stay :

• It has to be a hostel or dormitory type of lodging. Simply, I didn't have that much of budget >.<
• It has to be specifically a girl dormitory, or at least a woman-only-room, with separate bathroom for men and women. I tried avoiding to bump into just any stranger male in the dark *eh*.
• It must have a strategic location, near (or within a walking distance, 200 meters is maximum) from the nearest MRT Station. It's not that I didn't want to walk more than that. The concert will be starting at 23.15, and should be ending at 00.30 am at the earliest (actually it was extended until 00.45 for the encores). Well, if you think I would want to walk alone in some streets on someplace strange at those hours (plus the commuting time which took approximately 30-45 minutes), forget that thought.

Thankfully it's Singapore, a place where I (and my parents) were already quite familiar with. Through Agoda, it's not really difficult to find the place that meets those requirements. From the options left, I made my choice to stay at the Checkers Backpackers Inn in Little India District, 200 meters away from Little India MRT station. The price was quite reasonable for a double-deck ladies only room. The place was good enough to rest after spending most of the days outside. The room-mates were also okay. Actually, I didn't interact much with them as I spent most of the day outside and got back to the dormitory when they were already sleeping or even not yet came back. The only unpleasant thing I experienced was being at the same floor with a group of family from Indonesia, who seemed to not understand the meaning of staying in hostel or dormitory. Being so noisy, shouting to one another, I seriously thought they forgot that there're other people on the floor who wished to have some rest. And not to mention being so messy (and still noisy) in the bathroom *doh*. Oh, and to walk 200 meters from the MRT Station to the inn through some streets in Little India District at 01.30 am, ahem, I don't think I would want it again, ever! But, overall, the stay is good :)

How to Get There

This one is not as tricky as looking where to stay. For the first time, I took a budget airlines Air Asia, and as I put aside buying the tickets until last minutes, I was able to get a promo two-way ticket (yayy!!) which not so promo since I had the trip on weekend, but still, the price was more reasonable than when the last time I checked it. On the earlier plan, I should get the F1 ticket from @KartuPos on Friday noon, but then later I could get it days before while still in Jakarta. However, regarding the earlier plan, I already book the first flight for the departure day on Friday. The flight was at 05.30 am, which means I had to get at the airport at 04.30 am at the latest. Considering a one hour commuting time, I had to leave home at 03.30 am at the latest, well make it 03.15 am to be safe. This flight time had caused a little drama. I suddenly worried to go to the airport by taxi, alone, at that hour. So I try asking my friends about the possibility of riding a travel or shuttle bus (at least I only need to ride the taxi alone only until the travel/shuttle's pool), but no travel or shuttle operating at such hour T___T So, finally I muster my courage and decided to ride a taxi to the airport. Alhamdulillah I reached the airport safely just in time the check-in counter opened :) So started here, off we go!

The Itinerary

The main reason for this trip is, again, the Bigbang concert. But I feel it would be such a waste if I went to Singapore only for that purpose. The concert is on friday night, so I could have saturday and sunday to extend my visit. And so I did, as I remember having "unfinished business" there ;p So for the arrival day, I chose the 14.30 (Singapore time) flight on Sunday. That means I would have a two nights three day in Singapore ;)

Day-1 is the concert day, so automatically it can't be combined with any other plans *huhu*

Day-2 is a full-free-day. I just need to put in, ahem, a little time to do some shopping thing for the people back home and, ahem, my self for sure. 

Day-3 is a half-free-day. I just need to make sure that I won't be late for check-out and to go to Changi. Well, I wasn't late. I came back to the inn at 11.50 am for check out at 12.00 pm. I arrived at Changi at 14.00 for flight at 14.30. What a time (mis)management, girl --"

When the thought of extending my trip came, I already know just where I want to go in Singapore. The parks! But since the list were too long, I could only choose the top three T___T *gaahh I want to visit more* After a long strolling around the National Parks Board's website, these were my choices :

1. The Southern Ridges Trails

2. Marina Garden by the Bay

3. My Waterway at Punggol

Okay, that's just too much for an intro. Next, I'll post the story about (my first time) watching Bigbang's performance live and about the parks :)

[journal] my (first) Bigbang concert, a teaser.

it was beyond of what I've imagined.

the five amazing eagle boys :

Kwon Jiyong. Dong Youngbae. Choi Seunghyun. Kang Daesung. Lee Seunghyun

live.

on stage.

all five.

right in front of my eyes.

(i still can't believe it!)

singing. dancing. a high quality performance you think you could not ever expect from idols.

it was one of the finest night of my life. one good night to get high. 

a party vs a tranquility.

. . .

yes, you may call me an illogical fangirl. 

but what logic is there needed to enjoy such disorderly harmony?

ps : 

dear Bigbang, a wish list is accomplished and i love you even more

thank you for such a beautiful night, boys

:*

[journal] moving out.

It's been quite a while since the last time I wrote a journal here. Now let me tell you one story which happened lately : I'm moving out. I'm moving out from my super comfort zone. I'm moving out from a city where I've been living for thirty years of my life. I'm moving out from a house where I grew up and store my mementos.

My very first thought of moving out actually happened while I was sorting the possibilities of where should I take my undergraduate collage. I was once thinking about going to capital city, learning psychology in that one yellow university. But then it never happened, instead I was going to a school of architecture in this very city. A city where I was born, growing up, and having my primary and secondary school. And so the thought disappeared.

Later, when I graduated, the thought came again. This time it even went further, not only to the capital city, but to some other neighboring countries. And of course it failed, instead I was accepted in an independent urban design institution in this very city, again, just right across my college, a fifteen minutes walk from home.

To be honest with myself, I could tell that working there was some kind of 'a dream coming true' to me : to work in an urban design institution (or consultant). So, just like when I was entering college, the thought of moving out disappear. Until the day I had a dream to have a graduate study overseas. For one more time, it doesn't work. Instead, I was accepted in a master program at the same place as where I pursued my undergrad degree. The same old story repeat itself.

Long story short, I got graduated and coming back to professional world as a freelance part timer in my previous office. Well, this time with a combination here and there so that it's not really just there. However, after some while floating on an annoying comfort zone, I reached the point where I realized I need to take the leap. Or I won't do it for the rest of my life.

So, I finally came to a day of what people called "last day". A last day in an office which had given me rooms to get to know urban design, a phrase that is still being one of the keywords of my dreams. Either those good times or bad times were both a just right combination to nurture my point of view towards professionalism. I learnt a lot, I missed a lot. But one thing I'm now really sure of, is that a dream could only be shattered with another dream, the bigger the new one the finer the old pieces left.

I never thought a farewell could bring such a melancholy. It was the moment of 'this time I'm going for not going back anymore'. Leaving a comfort zone, either it's a pleasant one or an annoying one, is indeed hard.

But I'm leaving anyway.

.

And now, I'm on the new chapter of life I've been longing for so long. The second phase. The (personal) life in between 'still belong to mom and dad' and 'building my own family'. Well, another dream coming true I might say : a phase of independently living away from home. Hmm, not really that independent though.

And how do I like it so far, if you ask?

Despite the fact that now I'm living in a city of traffic and speed, somewhere some people pointed it as 'a city where you get old on street', I'm (surprisingly) loving it. The routines, the almost-two-hours commuting time from home to office, the bring-the-lunch-myself, the packed bus, the weekly groceries, the weekly cleaning, the two-days laundry, the job, the solitude of depending only to myself on a daily basis, are all the (new) things to challenge me.

Okay, loving it might sound wrong. A love-hate relationship is more like it. A balance. Since there're also things I could not consider as challenge, such as a really really really poor pedestrian ways, a not-so-integrated public transportation system, dumb motorcyclist those take over pedestrian ways, unpredictable traffic, unreliable drainage system, and the too many hours spent on mobility. Indeed, I'm already spoiled with the comfort zone I left behind. But there's no other way than to survive, here. Or else I'd only be a walking zombie. And to survive means to be effective. Separating the needs and the wants. Being focused, and manage distractions as many as I could handle. Scheduling. Eat well, sleep well. Keep on time, on track of the destination.

Oh, and one thing, without a destination, all those things will only be meaningless. Thankfully, I had one :)

.

Living away from home I used to know, I could finally picture the 'home' I'm heading to. Not yet perfectly drawn, but the bigger picture could now be imagined. Slowly, I begin to understand of why did my life go this way. 

"It's time to stop driving. It's time to go home." (Gravity, 2013)

ps : Moving out is indeed scary. The reason I (finally) did it is because I want to be brave. As you know, no other way to be brave but by dealing with your fear.

[happiness today] remember back in the day.

"Shout to the world with your cool voice, shine alive"

Listening to this song today I've just realized it actually has a deeper meaning than what I thought. It sounds like G-Dragon wrote this song as somewhat-like-a-self note to himself. That is a note to remind his nowadays-self of his dream back then. Even though it has already past ten years of him walking on his very dream. Still, he kept reminding himself not to forget his dream then.

Well, I think it's actually nice to have unusual ways to contemplate, to mark the numbers of your life so they wouldn't end up just as numbers. Oh, and my favorite part of the lyrics : "The lyrics that I’m writing with no space in between have my philosophy" (lyrics credit).

I really got something to say related to that line. Something very personal about my writings in this blog, be it the serious ones or the casual ones. Something started with this status. But, first thing first, let me have this head cooled down first, shall we? ;)

So, a bright blue sky and ocean for a relaxed head and a clearer mind? Sure with younger version of the five eagle boys in white. Perfect :) *pardon my obsession .__.*

.

And as I always thought, my boy is the cutest coolest :*

[intermezzo] L.O.N.D.O.N.

Suatu hari saya harus menjejakkan kaki di kota London! Berdiri di depan pintu gerbang Olympic Stadium, sambil meminum segelas kopi take-away dan mengayun payung putih transparan. Sambil sesekali melihat ke arah putaran the London's Eye. Dan berharap-harap cemas kamu tidak lupa waktu pertemuan kita sesuai perjanjian di satu waktu lalu kala dunia mimpi kita pernah saling terhubung dan saling mendesak satu sama lain. Saya tak sabar menunggu saat mendengar kamu memperkenalkan dirimu nanti, apakah benar kamu adalah sang pencatat. Dan mungkin kamu juga tak sabar menunggu saat mendengar saya memperkenalkan diri nanti, apakah benar saya adalah sang tanda yang kamu tunggu.

Lalu setelah bertemu dan saling tersenyum nanti, kita berdua akan sama-sama berjalan menuju taman terdekat dan menggambar kota ini. Saya akan berdebar-debar ingin tahu warna apa saja yang akan kamu pilih. Apakah seperti pilihan saya, ada warna merah, hijau, dan putih? Atau kamu justru lebih memilih warna hitam, putih, dan abu-abu?

Tapi nyatanya kamu tak mengambil satu warnapun, kecuali kelabunya pensil. Kamu cuma bilang, "pertemuan tak perlu warna. Kalau sekarang kira bersepakat untuk sama-sama menyimpan hari ini, mungkin besok-besok saya akan menggunakan sedikit merah dan mungkin juga sedikit hijau. Bagaimana?"

Lalu hujan turun.

Saya diam, dan membuka payung putih transparan, dan memegang gagangnya demikian sehingga tepat berada di antara saya dan kamu dan menaungi sedapatnya masing-masing kita. Tidak lebih besar pada bagian kamu, tidak juga lebih besar pada bagian saya. Hujan yang tak memilih satu dari kita untuk tetap kering tentu tahu, ada sebuah anggukan yang tak perlu terbahasakan.

Dan saat itu, kita akan sama-sama tahu. Bahwa mimpi adalah bunga tidur : sebuah pemutaran segulung memori dari masa depan.

[notes] a song for a pinkish future.

This is the most beautiful stage on G-Dragon's 1st World Tour : One of A Kind Concert I attended last Saturday. He sang one of his ballad type single, "Butterfly", which I hardly love for some illogical reason. His voice, especially in this song, is so addictive I don't think I could ever get over it. The stage, the performance was perfect, with digital visual art in the background as beautiful as I imagined it would be. The illustration fit the song perfectly. 

[Pinkish. Cloudy. Windy. With butterfly puppets along the stage.]

I was speechless, nearly wanted to shed some tears (and I still do, whenever I remember back the show). The song itself hold some special meaning to me, like I said before, for some illogical reason. You know, sometimes people have tendency to keep their memory labelled with certain song as its sign. And normally, it would be song that was a hit or often played during the time when the occasion happened. Both the occasion and song came from the very same dimension of time. 

But, every now and then, there were some exception. Those were when both the occasion and song came from the very different dimension of time. Well, in case of which the song came from an earlier time than the occasion, it would still make some senses. But when the song came from the future... that is another story. And this song is about the last. When I first heard this song, I automatically remembered a package of occasion which happened to occur long time before, years back when the song even haven't existed.

.

Maybe it is like about to meet somebody in the future, a soul mate for that matter, which you in the now knew perfectly who that would be, yet you can not imagine how he'd look like. Or who he actually might be. You just knew there would be this perfect mate for the soul which you will know by the time you meet him in real. This song is for such moment. I called it a 'pinkish future' moment. 

.

There was the first time. I wish there would be the second time.

[journal] High High

June, 15th 2013 marked as one of memorable Saturday for me. It was my first (ever!) concert experience : G-Dragon's 1st World Tour One of A Kind (OOAK) Concert in MEIS, Jakarta.  

At first I hesitated to go. I LOVE BIGBANG is one fact no doubt about, but to go to a concert of one of its member's solo act seem to be a little bit too much for me (well, except for Taeyang I suppose *eh*). However, later I decided to go due to some feeling I had when suddenly remember my-sitting-in-the-corner-crownstick and that annoying itchy feeling of regret for not going the Bigbang's 1st Alive Tour Concert last year. 

So I got the ticket. Waiting excitedly. And then suddenly there was this drama of which I almost had to have an overtime on that very Saturday, however in the end I managed to finish all my task (read : two project reports) just in time (read : one exact hour before my travel departed to Jakarta). I was even amazed of my own ability (yes i'm bragging, once in a life, please), for being able not not sleep at all at that very night before the concert. For the sake of attending the concert peacefully without any unfinished obligations. So then, I went to Jakarta, couldn't get some sleep while traveling, spent almost four hour to reach Jakarta. In short, I lost all of my energy. I feel less excited by the time I arrived at the concert venue, and actually worried what if the show wouldn't come out as great as I was always expecting. What if the price didn't paid off. What if something went wrong technically. What if I end up regretting coming here. 

A ticket for the middle tribune area. Next time I'd make sure I'll be able to get the VIP section ;)

Finally it's time to get into the stadium. Finding my seat, waiting for the time the show to start while watching GD's music videos on the screens besides the stage (with sleepy eyes I must say). So that's "That XX" clip. That's "Crayon". That's "Michi GO". And the lights went off. The music kept playing. The big white screen covering the main stage fell down. And that's...that's...that's G-DRAGON!!! I knew the show has started. 

I scream, out loud. I jumped. I forgot I haven't slept at all the night before. But what to care, it's Kwon Jiyong at that stage right in front of my eyes!

The crown stick on use. One thing I weirdly insisted to have soon after I knew I won't make it to Bigbang's Alive Tour Concert in Jakarta, so that one day I got reason to go to one of their future concert.

The concert flow was perfect. The set list order was arranged not for nothing. Opened with his newest single, Michi GO, followed by Heartbreaker, One of A Kind, Light It Up (with special visual appearance of Tablo, I don't get the technology though, which seem so real I almost freaked out "oh my, it's Tablo!"), and The Leader (also with the same special visual appearance, this time of CL). Those were just right songs to brought the mood high! 

And then break. 

At the next session, the mood was calmer with the set of his slower songs. Started with Butterfly (which was my most favorite stage that night), followed by Missing You, That XX, Without You, and Today (which brought back the higher mood). And then another break. Continued with another upbeat set list, started with A Boy, continued with Knock Out (and there came T.O.P.), High High (oughhh...with this I could cross one of my wish list off : to see this song's live performance, happiness level : high high), Turn It Up (which is actually TOP's solo song, and much later I just realized how lucky Indonesian VIPs were to see this performance since the last time he performed it was in 2010 if I'm not mistaken), and This Love. 

Intermezzo : because of attending this concert with TOP as the guest star, I finally understand why those ladies were so crazy over him. Well, his deep voice while both singing and rapping, gaze, and moves, were all equally super strong and sexy. No worries Ladies, to me still YB is the one and only *super biased fan-girl mode* ;) I used to felt so upset when knowing that TOP will be the guest star for concert it Jakarta. I've always wished it would be YB. But seeing the performance, well, that night TOP was indeed the perfect guest to be there. 

Back to the show, here's another set list. The last session, started with 1 Year Station, followed by Gossip Man (okay, I admit I forgot whether this song was actually concluded in the show or not >.< I just got some mixed feeling that I heard this song was performed), Obsession, She's Gone and Crayon. 

And GD said good bye. And of course we all wanted more. And of course he came back to stage ;)

So for encore we got Breathe, Bad Boy, and Crayon remixed with Fantastic Baby (as performed in MAMA 2012, Hongkong). In Fantastic Baby, TOP joined GD again as his last performance as a guest star. And finally GD really ended his show with another Michi Go and introduction to his team, the band and the dancers. And the show really came to an end. The lights went on with an empty stage.

And yes, it was GREAT! 

As in G R E A T ! ! !

My first concert. My first party. My first hangover.

My full bow for you, thank you G-DRAGON, for making it so memorable :

how you communicate to us with perfect set-list, beautiful stage with amazing digital visual art, superb dances, and that stable voice (to note you did all the song live!).

You really are wonderful (oh I know this not even the best word to describe), dear leader :)

ps 1. : I'm sorry if there're mistakes in the set list, since I actually always almost got carried away with the performances during the show that I was not being able to take note of the actual song list.

ps 2. : Earlier expectation? This show definitely goes beyond it. Period.

[notes] in red.

A girl sure is weird. When she's sad all she has to do is wear her comfort color, nice shoes and bag, and take some walk. The after rain cloud above would be nice. 

To her surprise, her comfort color is not blue, like she always thought, but red instead. And so she knew, sadness is somewhat equal to doubt. A state of which she truly hates to be within.

Thanks God, there's such thing as walking in  fresh air. After taking some, she somewhat accepted her sadness. Not by letting it disappear, instead by facing it.

.

A girl sure is weird. But her heart is even weirder. It chose sadness to communicate with her, well, due to her in-sensitiveness though.

[notes] will you still love me when...

Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful

Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul

I know you will, I know you will

I know that you will

Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful

Credit

.

i know you will,

because you won't be choosing me for i'm young and beautiful to begin with,

am i right?

a hello (not so far) from the bay!, teaser #3

leaving,

it's either with looking forward or backward

either one, might not that wrong

.

however, a little seasick it is when you choose a seat facing the opposite of boat's direction

a hello (not so far) from the bay!, teaser #2

i remember there were days when i really wanted to catch each of all the city lights

and put them in my pocket so they won't go away. all must be mine!

what a greedy pair of hands, i had

but now,

i just want to lay back on the ground, watching them brighten the night

with a happy smile on my face

and a happiness at heart and mind

and a single-lens reflex camera besides (now) to take only pictures of those beloved smiles 

:)

a hello (not so far) from the bay!, teaser #1

badan penat, kepala penat, hati penat

mungkin mereka butuh meregang sedikit

sedikit saja

sampai cukup tahu, bahwa selalu ada yang mula-mula, dan ada yang nanti-nanti.

saya (ternyata) lupa,

ada rumput yang sehijau ini

ada langit yang sebiru ini

beton yang sedikit banyak mengganggu (jadi) tak mengapa.

dan satu hal yang lupa saya bawa pulang :

kenangan berguling-guling di bawah derasnya sinar yang terik,

sambil mendengarkan 93 Million Miles.

Jason Mraz sungguh tahu perasaan seorang solo traveler.

Indeed, a solo traveler is actually never went that solo.

Hello, world!

[refleksi hari ini]

"kalau alasan kamu adalah takut, ya sudah... case closed. end of everything. selesai semuanya", kata bapak.

Mungkin karena itu "take the leap" hampir selalu menjadi bagian dari sebuah drama. Karena keberanian adalah sesuatu yang dijadikan, bukan ditunggu.

Jadi, kalau memang membuat berani "melompat", sedikit drama kenapa tidak? ;)

[playlist] #2. blue

1. Blue - Bigbang

2. Split Screen Sadness - John Mayer

3. Oceans. Sand. Trees. - Epik High

4. Sound Tracks of Makoto Shinkai's 5 cm per Second

....and you, the fading blue that won't disappear.

[playlist] #1. home

1. Clarity - John Mayer

2. 93 Million Miles - Jason Mraz

3. Ii Hi Dattane - Depapepe

4. No Fruit for Today - Sore

5. Wonderwall - OASIS

6. Lucky - Jason Mraz (feat. Colbie Caillat)

7. Half of My Heart - John Mayer (feat. Taylor Swift)

8. Greatest Love of All - Whitney Houston

9. Eternal Love - PJ & Duncan

10. Piano Sonata No. 16 in A - Schubert

11. One - Depapepe

12. Say You Love Me - Simply Red

13. Untuk Perempuan Yang Sedang Dalam Pelukan - Payung Teduh

14. Ebony and Ivory - Stevie Wonder

.

untuk kamu, 

sebuah nama yang beresonansi dengan kata rumah di masa depan.

[notes on change] #6

prasangka tak pernah percaya tanpa maksud.
tanpa prasangka (justru) percaya akan segala maksud.
yang demikian itu, saya rasa, manusiawi.

saya pun lalu berkhayal mendengar tuhan bergumam,
manusia ini suka sekali berlindung di balik kata-kata bahwa hati-hati orang adalah urusanku
memang demikian adanya.
tapi bahwa benar hati-hati adalah urusanku
tidak semerta menjadikannya bukan urusan yang kuamanahkan.
kupercayakan masing-masing mereka dengan hati
bukan untuk lantas mengingkari keberadaan hati-hati yang lain.

lalu ada malaikat tanpa nama yang menegur saya
katanya kata-kata tuhan bukan untuk saya khayalkan.
katanya sebaiknya saya tidak berlindung di balik sesuatu yang kira-kira.
katanya juga, doa adalah satu-satunya yang bukan diantaranya.

.

catatan : tulisan ini adalah fiksi.