12 | masterplanner.

the title is so tempting. masterplanner. the term alone has a sparkling aura of a double combo : master and planner. it spreads the image of lying leisurely in the park, with a cold coffee and a stack of coffeetable references, with rolls of tracing papers and markers in various colors.

it feels like you'll have forever with you.

truth is somehow a pinch in the air :
"hey you, i want the masterplan of those hectares tomorrow. and by tomorrow, i mean tomorrow morning. no need to take a forever, it's just a plan."

*well, it's not exactly a 'tomorrow', i just exaggerated it a bit. a tiny bit.

.
and now, let's assume it's already, say, a year later :
"hey you, why did you planned it like that back than. so awful! and this element, and this, why didn't you take it into consideration? what's with the hurry? you should take more time with you..."

"well, it's just a plan, you know... it needn't a forever."

" . . . "

==============================

as for me, i took planning (way) too serious. be it planning in professional context. or as simple as planning a vacation. or a future. so, 'it's just a planning' won't really do for me. well, yeah, unless the other party wouldn't mind sharing the responsibility for any unpleasant after effect of what they said 'poor planning'. and again, what does a thing take to be said as poorly planned?

.

but, be a good masterplanner anyway.
you may not experience the after effect, but the people after you will.
think about their happiness. imagine a little. masterplanning is not mere technical.

and again,
you may not experience the after effect of your carelessly planned life,
but the future version of you will. and you just don't have any idea who else will.

it's just a plan. but what's planned is never a just.

19 | dusty spring playlist.

a playlist for a heart that wants to start it all over again :

1. Sonata no.16 - Shubert

2. One - Depapepe

3. Love Mode - Clazziquai Project feat. Tablo

4. Don't Go Home - GD&TOP

5. Bolero - TVXQ

6. Say You Love Me - Simply Red

7. Love Dust - Bigbang



*) dusty means something to be cleaned up, as much as we can. nonetheless, some would remain stay in the corner so that some (sun)light could bring (back) life into the once dark room.

20 | white playlist.

a playlist for a broken heart :


1. The Remedy - Jason Mraz

2. Lover, Lover - James Iha

3. Split Screen Sadness - John Mayer

4. Life is Wonderful - Jason Mraz

5. Little by Little - OASIS

6. Love is Noise - The Verve

7. Champagne Supernova - OASIS



*) because a broken heart, on one side, is a heart that was bleeding all its blood out until there's no red left behind, so it would be ready to bleed again. and again. and again.

*) while having a broken heart, sad songs could stimulate the negative emotions to go out, yet not-sad songs however needed to pull the heart out back into life (again).

"At this stage in your life I don't think you're going to write anything worthwhile, no matter how much time you put into your novels," Miu said, calmly, unhesitantly. "You've got the talent. I'm sure someday you'll be an extraordinary writer. I'm not just saying this, I truly believe it. You have that natural ability within you. But now's not the time. The strength you need to open that door isn't quite there. Haven't you ever felt that way?"

"Time and experience," Sumire said, summing it up.

[Haruki Murakami, Sputnik Sweetheart]

[notes] cool.

who does not want to be cool.
i'm dying to be one.

but how i wish to hear "yeah, you're cool"
to come from within me, from all i got inside :
mind and soul.

i don't really need all the outsider to say so,
if it means i had to let my inner bear the pain.

and i don't think God had "cool" box on the list of His final examination for us.

[notes] bold.

i wanna be brave for me,
for i long too the firmer version of you.

if these were to scare you off,
i rather had you runaway with the scary image of me
than to give up being bold for the future ahead the two of us.

maybe you're just not so for me.
maybe we're not meant to grow together.

[intermezzo] L.O.N.D.O.N.

Suatu hari saya harus menjejakkan kaki di kota London! Berdiri di depan pintu gerbang Olympic Stadium, sambil meminum segelas kopi take-away dan mengayun payung putih transparan. Sambil sesekali melihat ke arah putaran the London's Eye. Dan berharap-harap cemas kamu tidak lupa waktu pertemuan kita sesuai perjanjian di satu waktu lalu kala dunia mimpi kita pernah saling terhubung dan saling mendesak satu sama lain. Saya tak sabar menunggu saat mendengar kamu memperkenalkan dirimu nanti, apakah benar kamu adalah sang pencatat. Dan mungkin kamu juga tak sabar menunggu saat mendengar saya memperkenalkan diri nanti, apakah benar saya adalah sang tanda yang kamu tunggu.

Lalu setelah bertemu dan saling tersenyum nanti, kita berdua akan sama-sama berjalan menuju taman terdekat dan menggambar kota ini. Saya akan berdebar-debar ingin tahu warna apa saja yang akan kamu pilih. Apakah seperti pilihan saya, ada warna merah, hijau, dan putih? Atau kamu justru lebih memilih warna hitam, putih, dan abu-abu?

Tapi nyatanya kamu tak mengambil satu warnapun, kecuali kelabunya pensil. Kamu cuma bilang, "pertemuan tak perlu warna. Kalau sekarang kira bersepakat untuk sama-sama menyimpan hari ini, mungkin besok-besok saya akan menggunakan sedikit merah dan mungkin juga sedikit hijau. Bagaimana?"

Lalu hujan turun.

Saya diam, dan membuka payung putih transparan, dan memegang gagangnya demikian sehingga tepat berada di antara saya dan kamu dan menaungi sedapatnya masing-masing kita. Tidak lebih besar pada bagian kamu, tidak juga lebih besar pada bagian saya. Hujan yang tak memilih satu dari kita untuk tetap kering tentu tahu, ada sebuah anggukan yang tak perlu terbahasakan.

Dan saat itu, kita akan sama-sama tahu. Bahwa mimpi adalah bunga tidur : sebuah pemutaran segulung memori dari masa depan.

[music] OST from Despicable Me 2.

these are my current favorite songs :')

so simple so just right.

.

...‘Cause sunshine due is just a cloud away...

...because I'm happy...

[catatan] tentang hujan.

Saya adalah perempuan penggemar tulisan, dalam hal ini puisi dan lirik lagu, tentang hujan. Rasanya tidak pernah bosan mendengarkan kata "hujan" sedemikian sering terlontar. 

Jenuh, tentu sesekali ada.

Lalu saya bertemu sebuah film animasi Jepang berjudul "The Garden of Words" - yang sejujurnya belum saya tonton - dengan lagu-lagu temanya yang hampir semuanya 'berbau' hujan. 

A Rainy Morning.

Greenery Rain.

Rain of Recollection.

While Hearing Sound of Rain.

A Silent Summer.

The Afternoon of Rainy Day.

Mendadak rasa jenuh itu hilang. Mendadak ada sosok hujan yang lain yang saya kenal yang bisa kembali saya tuliskan (atau sekadar lamunkan). Tentu saja, karena hujan adalah satu kumpulan puisi tersendiri, yang seperti dirinya juga : tidak akan ada habis-habisnya. Ia mungkin hanya belum turun. Atau, ia hanya terlihat sama begitu saja dari waktu ke waktu. Padahal tidak pernah demikian adanya.

Tidak ada hujan yang pernah sama.

budget airlines.

apparently there's no cheap flight to your heart.

[notes] saturation.

surrealism gives you one or two extra breath,
while fantasy kills your very imagination.
surrealism is like adding a second to your first twenty-four hours of loving,
while fantasy is more like making a minute of having a heart broken to last forever.
surrealism gives you time to not thinking much,
while fantasy gives you no time to think much.
surrealism is somewhat like putting your feet extra carefully at the very edge of that deadly cliff,
while fantasy is indeed like pretending you had the wings to save you when you're about to fall off it.

this is not a battle,
just a stand point. a point zero on one level of being aware towards "i'm alive"
which might be repeated on any other level, later.

this is not a battle,
because both are having the saturation point at one hundred and no less.

[music] BIGBANG - Love Dust (YG On Air - Stage Ver.)

until today, i still got no idea why am i so in love with Love Dust.

as far as it was, it's all about the beat, the lyrics, the title, and the perfect vocals of Tae, Dae, and Ri for sure *hearts*

...and, first thing first though, the stage performance...

*crazy fangirl mode on*

this is another version of Love Dust at YG On Air, the stage version which only included in their ALIVE Making Collection 2012. and for that, full credit to the uploader :)

credit

maaf,

aku mengagumi bahasa tuan yang secuil semesta,
yang panasnya membuat papan takar kebenaran lamat memuai
tanpa membuatnya jadi abu-abu.

kiranya tuan perkenankan aku sunggingkan sebarang senyum
pada bibir terkatup yang gundahnya membakar wajan rasa?

tinggal kuhitung waktu
bahasa tuan nanti penuh dalam satu aksara.

[music] Lee Hi - Am I Strange?

"I laugh when I’m happy, cry when I’m sad
It hurts when I’m poked, I get angry when it continues
I despair and I hope
Just like you

But there are a few things that I only have
A few things that are different from you
Several things that make me who I am

Am I strange? Where? How?
Am I strange? Why are you looking at me like that?
Why are you looking at me like that? Why?"

(Lee Hi - Am I Strange? / Album First Love)

credit / full lyrics

[music] Vanness Wu -

If it's not for Autumn's Concerto, I wouldn't realize that the most good looking among all the F4 boys (be it the Taiwan version, Japanese version, or Korean version) is actually Van Ness Wu. The one taking role as Mei Zuo in Meteor Garden (or Mimasaka Akira in the original Japanese version, Hana Yori Dango).

-- intermezzo : both Meteor Garden and Hana Yori Dango were based on Japanese manga, Hana Yori Dango or Boys Before Flower, and thus the term F4 literally means "flower four" *dang!* --

Watching Meteor Garden nearly ten years past its actual airing time, I found the drama was really really really ... out of date *well just you think...* *speechless* (it would've been different though if I had already watched it back then). Well, however I couldn't help admiring Vic Zhou, the one taking role as Huaze Lei (or Hanazawa Rui in HYD version), and end up watching his other drama, Mars (also pairing with Barbie Hsu, who played as San Chai, or Makino Tsukushi in HYD version). Mars is one really good T-drama, by the way, also based on Japanese manga with same title. I personally recommended the series.

Right, i'm talking about Van Ness Wu here. Well, later after Mars, accidentally I also found another T-drama called "Autumn's Concerto". When I first saw its trailer's thumbnail on Youtube, I thought the main actor was Yunho from Korean boyband TVXQ (of which, I was quite a fan of at that time..tehehee...). They really are looked alike. But, sure, turned out it wasn't Yunho, but Van Ness Wu. Really, at that moment I blamed the Meteor Garden's hair stylist -___-"

And, it's only yesterday I just known that he is actually a singer, too. And quite a good dancer, also. Oh, yes, now I remember that the F4 boys was actually a boyband, too, back then. What I didn't know is that he actually sings in three language >.<

This one in Japanese... I personally like this one :)

This one in Korean, a duet project with Kangta (a member of HOT, one of the early K-pop boyband) under SM Entertainment *why oh whyyy...* Oh, and this one doesn't fit my ears well...

And, this one in Mandarin, a collaboration with Junho from Korean boyband 2PM... I like it, but not very much my playlist...

Seeing his dancing, I can't help thinking that in some certain way his style reminds me of Taeyang's *ehh what*. Okay, too much for an intermezzo I think. These should be more than enough already to boost my "writing another report" mode... *zzzzz...*

[notes] today's thought.

"my social media, my way". with this kind of mindset, i don't really think democracy suits this country for the time being. yet, in a total opposite view, it could be the only way for us, citizens, to learn. in a very hard way.

to respect what others have to say. and that is all to it.

to respect doesn't necessarily means to respond, or further to offend. i think for some of us, including me too, there's an urge inside to feel that what i thought about certain things is right. well, in fact, there's a little possibility that i am indeed right, right? just as much as the possibility that i might be wrong, too.

thinking that my thought is right doesn't automatically gives me right to think that other's thought is wrong, though. what if we didn't use the same "tools" and "options" in thinking? what if even the need that serve as our basis in clicking the thinking mode is not even the same? could i bear the responsibility for throwing out  "i am right, and you are wrong", later when it actually turns out to be that "i am wrong, and you are right"? will i have the exact same guts for both lines?


thus, i am right, and you are left. let's just walk hand in hand... if you want to.
(this could be what i'd say to my left, as could be said to me by my right)

[music] Bigbang - Beautiful Hangover.

for no specific reason, i love this video
maybe it's how the black and white met the colorful drugs...

or maybe it's simply how dashingly normal the double dragons were here *eh* ...

“When I’m in writing mode for a novel, I get up at 4:00 am and work for five to six hours. In the afternoon, I run for 10km or swim for 1500m (or do both), then I read a bit and listen to some music. I go to bed at 9:00 pm. I keep to this routine every day without variation. The repetition itself becomes the important thing; it’s a form of mesmerism. I mesmerize myself to reach a deeper state of mind. But to hold to such repetition for so long — six months to a year — requires a good amount of mental and physical strength. In that sense, writing a long novel is like survival training. Physical strength is as necessary as artistic sensitivity.”

- Haruki Murakami’s daily routine (from here via here) -

[journal] January on a glance.

January was good. But still only 50% of it, if not to say 40%. February gotta be 60-75% at the minimum. One thing : I'm done drinking instant and packaged drinks, especially coffee. Exceptions (on packaged tea and soda) only allowed once a while when going to cinema. And by once a while it means once a month. Oh, and I'm going to put the poems writing sessions on hiatus and more on random notes and journal instead, for some times until I can get through the "get re-organized" stage on my happiness project ;)


Have a nice day for the rest of February!

[short film] paperman.

found this video when visiting Winda's blog.

a sweet black and white animated short film :')

this somehow illustrated those quotes stating such : 

"when a guy really wants to meet a girl, he's gonna do so. 

when he really wants to be with her, he'd make that happen no matter what."