[journal] i am only human, after all...

i'm just as weak as any other living creature 
of this universe might be,
hence only to You i seek sanctuary.


i'm just as helpless as any other broken hearted people 
of this world might be,
hence only to You, the true keeper, i left all my heart.

[journal] "what you resist, persist".

By today, I learnt it that things those actually annoy me wouldn't stop annoying me before I could ever take my lesson. Annoying, isn't it? But guess that's just how it actually go. Should I just follow the lead, or should I not?


Well, truthfully there's thing that always fail in making me to learn their lesson, it's the "what you resist, persist". It always comes back to me, always, no matter what. As if it wants me to accept the fact. I've always been too focus on things I resist rather on things I truly desire. And whenever the two of them came in a two-in-one package I can not bargain, come to think again, I always ended up unconsciously choose the first, abandoning the latter which people might possibly called it "a dream comes true". Foolish, I am.


And here, the situation repeats its history. Should I now choose the first as always, or big-heartedly chose to be mature and brace the dream. No sugar ever came without an attached risk for causing a diabetes, anyway. Everybody has their own limit to tolerate the risk, and so do I. I only need to use that limit, wisely.


Would I again end up staying in my comfort zone, rejecting a "what might be a step towards a dream comes true", just because it mixes up with something I'm, well, honestly, fed up with? Or would I rather choose to be boldly brave enough to deal with it, instead, in the name of pursuing my very dear dream?


Okay. Let's be it!
Behind every "what you resist, persist", there is a "dream comes true, hand in hand with hierarchical level of risks". Nothing expensive ever comes without some price to pay. Nothing valuable ever comes without some value to respect. 




So, just in case, you think you now me? you think I draw you a distance? Think again. Feel again. You might be wrong. That's actually intentional. That'd be how I deal with you, temporary :)

kepala adalah pelupa,
kecuali akan senyum-senyum yang tersembunyi 
manakala hati menarik jarak agar rindu tak perlu berlari 
meniti lintang, berkejaran dengan waktu.


.
rindu, diam saja di sini temani aku,
bisiki doa. yang lalu akan kubiarkan melesat menujumu.

for the pastel colors i chose over the usual preference of black and white 
that always on your confident prediction,
i, too, wish that this time i'd be walking the path ahead under the shade of mahagoni, 


not you. ever again.

[music] Big Bang - Stupid Liar & Gara Gara Go

This was their performance on Love & Hope Tour 2011 in Japan. I remember loving each of their performances there, oh except for the "auuuww..." parts, no offend. As for this one, the pluses are their electric stabilo outfits (and i'm serious), the choreography, and... the getting more and more mature voice of Seungri.

This is the Japanese version of Stupid Liar. And I just found the overall lyrics, and I can't help myself from laughing ;))

As for this one, Gara Gara Go! I looovee their entry onto the stage. And their casual styled outfits (so far still the best style of outfit for them). And the choreography, as well.
Love it. Love it. Love it.

Enough said.


Well, it's kinda hard to dislike their stage performance, after all. Well, except for Monster. Guess I'll be having quite a long time to accept it.

1001

seribu surat cinta kutulis dengan kepalaku,
seribu rantai pengikatnya, terjalin berpangkal hatiku.

ada namamu pada salah satunya.
ada hatimu pada sembilan ratus sembilanpuluh sembilan sisanya.

seribu kali kuminta pak pos untuk mengantarkan setiap lembarnya, tepat waktu.
seribu kali kugadaikan hatiku pada waktu, demi lembar balasan darimu.

ada namaku pada sembilan ratus sembilanpuluh sembilan lembar pertama.
ada hatiku yang kau minta pada lembar terakhir.


kutulis surat cinta ke seribu satu,
kuselipkan pada hatiku, untukmu yang berdiam di sana.

tuan,

jika kemarin hatiku jatuh pada tuturmu, 
maka hari ini jiwaku luluh pada senandungmu.


aku lemah pada aksara,
apalagi yang terjalin rapi, dan mengetuk pada kotak jendela yang tepat
yang tersenyum seadanya, dengan ketulusan yang lebih dari apa yang ada
persis seperti mereka yang kamu rajut.


apakah berpena jemarimu saat ini, tuan?
kiranya sudi tuan menangkap jatuhnya sang rasa
ke dalam botol tinta hitam aspal, penerus aksara yang bermain dalam kepala,
atau (mungkin hati?) tuan.


demikian hatiku tak kan patah,
karena rasa yang dikandungnya lalu jadi nafas bagi tutur terlukis yang membuatnya jatuh.




. . .
begini rasanya jatuh cinta. setengah mati. pada bercarik tulisan.
menyisakan harap-harap cemas agar tak jatuh cinta (sekalian) dengan sang penulis.

: gemini.

ksatria,
apakah kamu seorang gemini?
karena sekali waktu kamu seperti langit, kali lain kamu seperti samudra.


hanya satu yang kuingat : kamu benci warna biru,
katamu biru itu lambang keragu-raguan.
dan memang,
kali pertama aku melihatmu sebelas tahun yang lalu
kamu adalah segalanya, kecuali warna biru.
tapi terlalu jelas bagiku pula,
bahwa ragu-ragu adalah kamu.
ragu, yang berarti beradu di antara dua.


seperti gemini.


apakah aku salah?

[journal] dear brains of the world,

as much as i understand what might be your reasons to be cynical about the place you're living in,
as much as i sense the logic of its temptation on driving you to create more and more satires,

i just can't respect you.

as much as i admit that satire is that one form of literature we all need to understand its dichotomy,
as much as i realize it does once in a while tempt me to shout it out,


i consciously choose to pretend not knowing that you're even exist.


as much as i wish for better place to stand,
as much as i desire to looked witty,


i somehow end up hoping that if only God would create you all just with a typical. 


i hereby declare that i can not accept differences,
if and only if :
one thing among them is a freedom to feel that what one's holding onto is the best thing over what others're holding onto. 


liberty should not be about superiority, including that is hidden behind inferiority. 
(who said inferiority is a nice thing?)


. . .


yes i hate inferiority. so much. furthermore when it's stupidly enough used as camouflage towards superiority. it's just unforgivable. 


but then, watching these stupid war between fans and anti fans, and as if it's not enough, among fans, anti-fans, and anti anti-fans...just drove me crazy. enough to wonder which era am i actually living and on what kind of land it is.


i just don't want this overly insane and chaotic place i'm currently living in ruins my reason from 'in term of exploring' to 'just so i could escape from here'.

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. - Dr. Seuss -

love is a nonsense,

it wakes up the brain cells
asking them endlessly to try finding out the possibility of it ends happily.

it tickles the labyrinth of hearts
lowering down the maze walls so it could peek where its catcher might be standing, waiting for.

and again,
love is a nonsense,

it took beyond the senses to get it.

. . .
inspired by
I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. - Dr. Seuss -