"it's by chance that i met you, it's by getting used to see you that i fell for you out of the blue, and it's seem by forever that i'm trying to get over you"

jenny.

The Click Five - Jenny

this song reminds me to time when i was being jenny,

full of hesitation to say yes or no.

but sure it was because the question was never popped up directly by the guy. unlucky me, no?

so i never found the urge to say "yes" if it's not person to person 'confrontation'.

guess i'm not suitable to be matched up by the third party.

this song also reminds me that love actually could collide with hate.

it was the time when i found that the one i used to love the most could turn out to be the one i hate

(not the most though).

but then i really couldn't help it.

in the end, it was his smile that i always give in to.

. . . . . . .

yesterday i found quite a surprising fact.

i used to try lots of thing to handle this sleeping disorder of mine,

but none of them worked. not even the relaxing tea. not even the hot chocolate.

yet, just a simple happiness did work, a pretty simple detailed happiness.

just like a quick pop on one of this video setting which made me couldn't stop giggling.

. . .

most of my friends kept telling me to move on.

none of them ever reminded me that move on should be with my head on up front though.

so for now, i do my own version of moving forward :

walking up front slowly with lots of looking back

*big grin*

sure i might be falling down the road countless time.

but i guess it'll be alright, since by falling down i'll be brought back to the reality.

one day, i'm sure i'll be able to move on with head on up front.

. . .

back to the pretty simple detailed happiness,

it made me sound asleep with smile.

i'll make more of it in the future.

:)

this way, didn't i just try to unconsciously kill myself?

sebut saya apa saja.
tapi memang saya masih mencari suara Tuhan,

kendatipun saya tahu suara itu ada di sana,

dan ini adalah masalah apakah saya memilih untuk mendekatinya atau menjauhinya,
dan ini adalah masalah apakah saya memilih untuk menulikan diri akan suara hati atau mendengarnya dengan sabar,
dan ini adalah masalah apakah saya memilih untuk sekedar belajar mengeja atau membacanya dengan sungguh-sungguh dengan segenap diri,
dan ini adalah masalah apakah saya memilih untuk membutakan diri terhadap selubung tipis sang musuh abadi pada intuisi yang sedianya adalah paduan antara akal dan nurani anugrah tertinggi dari Sang Pencipta atau melihatnya dengan mata kepala juga mata hati yang sejernih-jernihnya,

sebut saya apa saja.

. . . . . . .

dan perjalanan ini adalah sepanjang usia,
apalagi sebutan yang pantas untuk perjalanan menemukan diri dalam diri?

Sekedar bertanya pada diri sendiri :

"Seberapa sering kamu menyatakan alasan di balik pilihanmu akan sesuatu dengan berupa argumen mengapa pilihan itu baik untukmu alih-alih memberikan daftar keburukan (paling tidak menurut pandanganmu sendiri) dari pilihan-pilihan lain yang tidak kamu ambil?"

now and then.

my first favorite teen movies : now & then

. . .

"Well Samantha... Things will happen in your life that you can't stop... But that's no reason to shut out the world... There's a purpose for the good and for the bad..."

(Crazy Pete)

.

"As we grow older, it becomes difficult to just believe. It's not that we don't want to, but too much has happened and we can't."

(Samantha)

. 

"You can run from the disappointments you're trying to forget. But its only when you embrace your past that you truly move forward. Maybe Thomas Wolfe never got to go home again, but I found my way there. And I'm glad I did."

(Samantha)

. . .

well, after all my favorite was and is still Samantha

and i got my own lesson learnt, that a group of friendship (especially girls) in fact needed to be in four or any other even numbers, 

except they had one person among them leading as a super-mature-dependable-sister role (of which believe me it would ruin her development stages at any amount), 

or they just eventually decided to make it of three

champagne supernova.

"How many special people change? How many lives are living strange? 

Where were you while we were getting high? 

Slowly walking down the hall 

Faster than a cannonball 

Where were you while we were getting high? 

Someday you will find me 

Caught beneath the landslide 

In a champagne supernova in the sky"

I think i just need to cheer myself up a bit, lately.


This is among my most favorite song. I remember this song was from the album "What's the Story Morning Glory", of which I bought the cassette album back then when I was around 14 or 15, out of curiosity just because my crush was a huge fan of this band and often humming the song "Talk Tonight". After I bought it and listen to all the song, it turned out that I'm becoming one of their fans too. They're really one among the greatest band I've ever heard during my teenage days. 


This song had accompanied me while I'm going through things in my life. My teenage days, my junior high final exam days. Around ten years later, it also accompanied me while I'm going through all the graduate-school-abroad-application things. Surely, it warmed me through the rejections as well.


And now, "Champagne Supernova" is again on my playlist, accompanying me to get through my thesis days.


. . . . . . .
Dear my first crush, an architect somewhere in the city (yes, from what I've heard and seen, apparently he was also taking a major in architecture), thank you for introducing this band to me. They were good, just like what you've told me ;)

"because i live in a world full of prerequisite"

dance.

(i thought)

some places are just enough to be seen through magazines, or books, or internet

some others are, no matter how, must be seen in real

some places like San Francisco and New York City 

and maybe London and Stockholm and Prague and Amsterdam and Santorini and Jerusalem

(let me change my mind, later)

"if it's realistic, then it is not a dream, i suppose"