16 | pada biru.

Gambar adalah dokumentasi pribadi yang diambil dari pesawat dalam penerbangan Dili-Jakarta, 

di atas kecantikan sisi Timur Indonesia bagian Selatan, 15 April 2014

.

karena segala sesuatunya tak pernah menapak,

padahal demikian mereka pada awalnya

karena segala sesuatunya adalah tak pasti,

padahal demikian mereka telah ditetapkan.

menenangkan hati mungkin bukan dengan memintanya begitu,

tapi dengan terus memintanya mengawang, tak kenal ketinggian,

hingga ia terbiasa dengan debar-debar aneh

dan lalu rasa tenang saat menjejak satu ketinggian yang dinamakan rumah.

17 | april.

i read this post by Winda, and i thought : 

april is, yes, the loneliest month in a year.

despite the start of the spring.

despite the abundance of love that brought me into this world.

being by myself never the seed of loneliness.

it was, and always be, because of april.

18 | an hour to go.

you know things i wish,
you know drafts of my plans,
you know where i set my destination.

you decide, whether to give ways or not,
or maybe another detour to go.

i am (almost) past 30, anyway.

19 | dusty spring playlist.

a playlist for a heart that wants to start it all over again :

1. Sonata no.16 - Shubert

2. One - Depapepe

3. Love Mode - Clazziquai Project feat. Tablo

4. Don't Go Home - GD&TOP

5. Bolero - TVXQ

6. Say You Love Me - Simply Red

7. Love Dust - Bigbang



*) dusty means something to be cleaned up, as much as we can. nonetheless, some would remain stay in the corner so that some (sun)light could bring (back) life into the once dark room.

20 | white playlist.

a playlist for a broken heart :


1. The Remedy - Jason Mraz

2. Lover, Lover - James Iha

3. Split Screen Sadness - John Mayer

4. Life is Wonderful - Jason Mraz

5. Little by Little - OASIS

6. Love is Noise - The Verve

7. Champagne Supernova - OASIS



*) because a broken heart, on one side, is a heart that was bleeding all its blood out until there's no red left behind, so it would be ready to bleed again. and again. and again.

*) while having a broken heart, sad songs could stimulate the negative emotions to go out, yet not-sad songs however needed to pull the heart out back into life (again).

21 | sekali, ...

...secangkir kopi dan percakapan yang tak ada henti,

pada suatu masa adalah sebuah kemewahan.

22 | usia.

orang bilang, "usia tak pernah bohong",

lalu pernah kamu bertanya pada matahari,

apakah ia mengenal usia.

perhatikan,

jika kau tanya ia di kala senja begini,

pasti jawabnya,

"tidak, aku tak mengenalnya. siapa itu?"

lalu, lihatlah tanah.

jika tak ada satu pun lembar daun yang menyentuhnya,

kamu tahu,

dia hanya pura-pura.

karena baginya, senja berarti kesiangan untuk mengenalkannya padamu.

23 | a life : unpacked.

imagine you're packing your life into boxes.

how many stacks it would make?
of what size(s) the boxes would you pick?
how much would you pack in a box? a year? a month? a week? a day? a moment?
how would you like the tags to be? one box one tag? one box a hundred tags?
would you prefer colored boxes? or the white ones? or the black ones? or would you like them transparent?
how long do you think it would take you to pack all your things?
in a blink of an eye, or a forever?

imagine you finished packing. imagine you sent them off.

imagine you were there at your new place while the boxes arrived.

how big of spaces you think you would like to spare for them?
how much of times you think you would like to spend unpacking them?
how would you like to perceive them? as a gift from the past which you could keep or toss, or as a burden you will have to take for the rest of your life?


imagine you're packing your life into boxes,
how would you like to do it so you'd know later which boxes are to toss, which are to stay forever inside the walking closet,

and which are to unpack

?

24 | happy ending.

Let me tell you thing : I hate that very ending of "How I Met Your Mother" the series. Well, I don't hate the series itself, though. It's just turned out that the series were actually about that-thing-the-daughter-said-at-the-finale. It was the worst twisted ending I could ever imagined for the series.

But you know, maybe a series doesn't always need to have a happy ending. Maybe some of them just need to wrap themselves with some senses. Of which exactly happened with this series. Of which brought me to the thought of : so where on earth that "moving on lesson" thing go?

Oh, maybe here it is :
Sometimes moving on were being exaggerated. Most of times, it was related to accepting something out of our actual desires. It never once crossed in mind, that moving on might be related to accepting something from our past that I-don't-know-how-but-it-somehow-managed-to-find-its-way-to-the-future-and-being-something-for-us-to-moving-on-to. Just maybe.

And let me tell you one other thing : I love the Mother. Enough that I could manage to accept the ending.


It's just I need to restrain myself from moving on to something came from my past disguising as my future. This would be hard.

Just maybe.

25 | "when will...?"

about ten years ago, i joined an optional class on my last year of college. it was something about 'issues and contextual' related, yet the only thing i remember taking home is this :

the lecturer : "hey, you, yes you (pointing on one of my classmates), when will you want to get married?"
the classmate : "uhmm...after i finished my graduate study, sir"
the lecturer : "so, what if you NEVER had your graduate study? will you NOT ever be married?"
the whole class : "ermm..."

yeah, in a pursuit of dreams, time is essential. however, i often forgot that i should not set the time started with such prepositions as 'before' or 'after' or 'during'. because each of dreams are independent. you only answer that "when will...?" using preposition "on".