a playlist for a broken heart :
1. The Remedy - Jason Mraz
2. Lover, Lover - James Iha
3. Split Screen Sadness - John Mayer
4. Life is Wonderful - Jason Mraz
5. Little by Little - OASIS
6. Love is Noise - The Verve
7. Champagne Supernova - OASIS
*) because a broken heart, on one side, is a heart that was bleeding all its blood out until there's no red left behind, so it would be ready to bleed again. and again. and again.
*) while having a broken heart, sad songs could stimulate the negative emotions to go out, yet not-sad songs however needed to pull the heart out back into life (again).
5.4.14
21 | sekali, ...
...secangkir kopi dan percakapan yang tak ada henti,
pada suatu masa adalah sebuah kemewahan.
22 | usia.
orang bilang, "usia tak pernah bohong",
lalu pernah kamu bertanya pada matahari,
apakah ia mengenal usia.
perhatikan,
jika kau tanya ia di kala senja begini,
pasti jawabnya,
"tidak, aku tak mengenalnya. siapa itu?"
lalu, lihatlah tanah.
jika tak ada satu pun lembar daun yang menyentuhnya,
kamu tahu,
dia hanya pura-pura.
karena baginya, senja berarti kesiangan untuk mengenalkannya padamu.
23 | a life : unpacked.
imagine you're packing your life into boxes.
how many stacks it would make?
of what size(s) the boxes would you pick?
how much would you pack in a box? a year? a month? a week? a day? a moment?
how would you like the tags to be? one box one tag? one box a hundred tags?
would you prefer colored boxes? or the white ones? or the black ones? or would you like them transparent?
how long do you think it would take you to pack all your things?
in a blink of an eye, or a forever?
imagine you finished packing. imagine you sent them off.
imagine you were there at your new place while the boxes arrived.
how big of spaces you think you would like to spare for them?
how much of times you think you would like to spend unpacking them?
how would you like to perceive them? as a gift from the past which you could keep or toss, or as a burden you will have to take for the rest of your life?
imagine you're packing your life into boxes,
how would you like to do it so you'd know later which boxes are to toss, which are to stay forever inside the walking closet,
and which are to unpack
?
how many stacks it would make?
of what size(s) the boxes would you pick?
how much would you pack in a box? a year? a month? a week? a day? a moment?
how would you like the tags to be? one box one tag? one box a hundred tags?
would you prefer colored boxes? or the white ones? or the black ones? or would you like them transparent?
how long do you think it would take you to pack all your things?
in a blink of an eye, or a forever?
imagine you finished packing. imagine you sent them off.
imagine you were there at your new place while the boxes arrived.
how big of spaces you think you would like to spare for them?
how much of times you think you would like to spend unpacking them?
how would you like to perceive them? as a gift from the past which you could keep or toss, or as a burden you will have to take for the rest of your life?
imagine you're packing your life into boxes,
how would you like to do it so you'd know later which boxes are to toss, which are to stay forever inside the walking closet,
and which are to unpack
?
1.4.14
24 | happy ending.
Let me tell you thing : I hate that very ending of "How I Met Your Mother" the series. Well, I don't hate the series itself, though. It's just turned out that the series were actually about that-thing-the-daughter-said-at-the-finale. It was the worst twisted ending I could ever imagined for the series.
But you know, maybe a series doesn't always need to have a happy ending. Maybe some of them just need to wrap themselves with some senses. Of which exactly happened with this series. Of which brought me to the thought of : so where on earth that "moving on lesson" thing go?
Oh, maybe here it is :
Sometimes moving on were being exaggerated. Most of times, it was related to accepting something out of our actual desires. It never once crossed in mind, that moving on might be related to accepting something from our past that I-don't-know-how-but-it-somehow-managed-to-find-its-way-to-the-future-and-being-something-for-us-to-moving-on-to. Just maybe.
And let me tell you one other thing : I love the Mother. Enough that I could manage to accept the ending.
It's just I need to restrain myself from moving on to something came from my past disguising as my future. This would be hard.
Just maybe.
But you know, maybe a series doesn't always need to have a happy ending. Maybe some of them just need to wrap themselves with some senses. Of which exactly happened with this series. Of which brought me to the thought of : so where on earth that "moving on lesson" thing go?
Oh, maybe here it is :
Sometimes moving on were being exaggerated. Most of times, it was related to accepting something out of our actual desires. It never once crossed in mind, that moving on might be related to accepting something from our past that I-don't-know-how-but-it-somehow-managed-to-find-its-way-to-the-future-and-being-something-for-us-to-moving-on-to. Just maybe.
And let me tell you one other thing : I love the Mother. Enough that I could manage to accept the ending.
It's just I need to restrain myself from moving on to something came from my past disguising as my future. This would be hard.
Just maybe.
25 | "when will...?"
about ten years ago, i joined an optional class on my last year of college. it was something about 'issues and contextual' related, yet the only thing i remember taking home is this :
the lecturer : "hey, you, yes you (pointing on one of my classmates), when will you want to get married?"
the classmate : "uhmm...after i finished my graduate study, sir"
the lecturer : "so, what if you NEVER had your graduate study? will you NOT ever be married?"
the whole class : "ermm..."
yeah, in a pursuit of dreams, time is essential. however, i often forgot that i should not set the time started with such prepositions as 'before' or 'after' or 'during'. because each of dreams are independent. you only answer that "when will...?" using preposition "on".
the lecturer : "hey, you, yes you (pointing on one of my classmates), when will you want to get married?"
the classmate : "uhmm...after i finished my graduate study, sir"
the lecturer : "so, what if you NEVER had your graduate study? will you NOT ever be married?"
the whole class : "ermm..."
yeah, in a pursuit of dreams, time is essential. however, i often forgot that i should not set the time started with such prepositions as 'before' or 'after' or 'during'. because each of dreams are independent. you only answer that "when will...?" using preposition "on".
31.3.14
26 | your zero, not my zero.
dear Lila,
One day I wish you to understand, of all my decisions todays there's something like : "I want you to start from your own zero, not from my zero". That's why, my first reason would be you. That's why I started everything from your 14. That's why I rephrase my dream.
So that you'll start at your own perfect zero.
with much love,
I.
One day I wish you to understand, of all my decisions todays there's something like : "I want you to start from your own zero, not from my zero". That's why, my first reason would be you. That's why I started everything from your 14. That's why I rephrase my dream.
So that you'll start at your own perfect zero.
with much love,
I.
23.3.14
27 | pulang.
pulang adalah kata yang tak sempat mengenalmu. ia pemalu yang hanya mau mengintipmu dari satu halaman kamus. berharap cemas kamu setidaknya berpikir untuk mengejanya.
pulang adalah kata yang kamu pura-pura tak lihat dan tak dengar. padamu tak ada sebuah cerita tentang pulang, tak ada sebuah nyanyian selamat kembali di rumah.
pulang adalah sekaligus jarak yang tak tahu bagaimana harus membentangkan dirinya di antara aku dan kamu.
28 | langit senja.
langit senja memiliki merah yang berbeda di mana- mana. dan untuk kota ini, merah sore ini adalah yang terindah.
mungkin karena ia tahu, aku sedang menghitung lembaran-lembaran tersisa. untuk berkemas membungkus ilusi-ilusi yang menyamar sebagai mimpi, lalu membuangnya ke aliran sisa waktu malam nanti.
supaya besok pagi aku bisa beranjak membawa bayangan langit senja yang indah, sambil memanggul mimpi sejati yang aku masih ingin melihatnya tumbuh di dalamku.
jika sempat kau tanya mana lukisan senja terindah itu : kota ini sudah terlalu penuh ilusi.
dan aku tidak melukis sebuah ilusi.
28 | langit senja.
langit senja memiliki merah yang berbeda di mana- mana. dan untuk kota ini, merah sore ini adalah yang terindah.
mungkin karena ia tahu, aku sedang menghitung lembaran-lembaran tersisa. untuk berkemas membungkus ilusi-ilusi yang menyamar sebagai mimpi, lalu membuangnya ke aliran sisa waktu malam nanti.
supaya besok pagi aku bisa beranjak membawa bayangan langit senja yang indah, sambil memanggul mimpi sejati yang aku masih ingin melihatnya tumbuh di dalamku.
jika sempat kau tanya mana lukisan senja terindah itu : kota ini sudah terlalu penuh ilusi.
dan aku tidak melukis sebuah ilusi.
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