[journal] Ramadan.

Semoga bulan yang penuh berkah ini menjadikan kita semua manusia yang lebih baik. 

Yang lebih ikhlas. Yang lebih berbesar hati. 

Yang lebih berpikir. Yang lebih merasa. 

Yang lebih dekat kepada-Nya.

Ramadan Kareem :)

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Mohon maaf lahir dan batin,

khususnya untuk setiap coretan dalam blog ini yang kurang berkenan di hati

...

[Juni] malam.

tahu-tahu Juni sudah berakhir.
di hari terakhir ia pulang subuh. ingin memperpanjang barang beberapa jam, katanya.
tapi sayang sekali, Juli adalah si teguh yang sudah mengambil tempatnya.
sehingga Juni tak bisa pulang.
rumahnya sudah tergeser.
malam ternyata bisa tak setia dalam menjaga.

yang tersisa hanya lah surat yang datang di jam yang tidak biasa, pukul empat pagi :
"aku masih menunggumu di sini,
di bawah mata besar,
di depan gedung yang semuanya serba lebih, tempat mereka berpesta setahun yang lalu.
dua musim, empat musim, tanpa musim, tak ada dalam kamusku.
menunggumu tak tertandakan oleh waktu.
boleh aku masih berharap saat kamu tiba nanti, kamu akan membawa selamanya?

mungkin dengan begitu aku bisa memaafkanmu."

tunggulah September, lalu Oktober, dan akhirnya November membawa jawaban.
karena Juli dan Agustus terlalu malas untuk menulis,
bahkan untuk hanya satu baris :

"aku (pun) merindukanmu. separuh nafas. sehabisnya waktu. berkalinya jarak."

budget airlines.

apparently there's no cheap flight to your heart.

[notes] architecture.

i love urban design. i love landscape. on top of those, landscape urbanism.
but just now, i suddenly miss architecture. so much.

i'm not even an architect. never been a good student of it, too, to add.
but there's always something about architecture that i could not explain that somehow 'touch' me.
for all these long, since graduation, all i ever did was just thinking about how a city should be. how the environment supposed to be handled. and so on. and so on.
i forgot how to feel the small spaces. shelters. homes.
i forgot how big things, all of them, started small.

it's not that i want to turn back time. nor to take the u-turn, even if it's still available.
it's just next time i should remind myself to feel more, to thank more, of small spaces
those give me real shade and some grounds to stand.

ps : maybe i'm just not yet working on the right urban design. or even landscape. ones those fit what i actually seek for.

[music] Daesung - I Love You (radio preview)

I'm just wondering, is it THAT hard for anyone any producers of that big entertainment agency to make a really good song, a good one that could fit this beautiful voice?

As for Daesung, I <3 his voice just like I always do :*

ps : oh, and though he's almost always doing a cover, he's doing it with the right choice for the songs :)




Source : BBU

[catatan] mengelus hati.

Sejak sering mengingat-ingat kembali buku novel "5 Cm", saya mendadak suka sekali sebuah frasa yang melekat pada karakter Zafran (tokoh favorit! kedua setelah Genta dan Riani satu paket ;p), yaitu "mengelus hati". Mungkin itu karena akhir-akhir ini saya banyak sekali menemui hal yang dapat saya bilang masuk kategori "mengelus hati". Hal-hal yang biasa saja dan ada di sekitar saya setiap hari, tapi akhir-akhir ini keberadaannya justru semakin keras mencubit hati saya.

Seperti kombinasi cuaca panas-tak-santai dengan kamar tidur nyaman milik sendiri di mana saya bisa bebas berguling-guling sampai rasa gerah itu hilang. Petemuan antara batas waktu pekerjaan dan rasa berdebar-debar mengira-ngira apakah bisa selesai atau tidak. Suara air mengalir ketika mengambil air wudhu. Halusnya lantai parket kayu masjid kesayangan. Pulang ketika jalanan masih sangat ramai. Suara penyanyi kesukaan di satu lagu tertentu yang sangat melekat padanya. Ingatan tentang kapan terakhir kali memeluk ibu dan bapak. Rasa bahagia yang otomatis muncul saat mendengar kabar seorang saudara baik akan melangsungkan pernikahannya. Cerita-cerita teman-teman akan bagaimana harinya. Pertanyaan panjang lebar yang hanya dijawab oleh satu kata, yang disingkat. Ingatan akan Aki dan Si Mbah. Permintaan Eyang untuk menikah empat bulan lagi. Mengukur Bandung - Jakarta di setiap minggu. Lalu ada wangi teh aroma peppermint.

. . .

Dan sekali waktu, seperti langit Jakarta sore ini.

[catatan] meditasi (1)

"...adalah ketika benak kosong sekosong-kosongnya. Tak ada beban, maupun lamunan, apalagi khayalan. Ketika kedamaian diri bukan lagi ketenangan yang dibuat-buat, tapi adalah penerimaan akan gejolak emosi diri yang apa adanya, dengan pilihan menyikapinya yang tidak seperti biasanya."

ps : Jadi, terima saja kalau diri merasa kesal luar biasa, merasa dibodohi sangat, merasa cemburu sekali, dan semua jenis emosi lainnya yang menguasai diri secara berlebih-lebihan. Sambil sebisa mungkin diam, bukan ceritanya menenang-nenangkan diri, tapi cukup tidak banyak-banyak memikirkannya. Sambil mencari jalan keluar terbaik dari jeratannya, tentu saja :)

[notes] saturation.

surrealism gives you one or two extra breath,
while fantasy kills your very imagination.
surrealism is like adding a second to your first twenty-four hours of loving,
while fantasy is more like making a minute of having a heart broken to last forever.
surrealism gives you time to not thinking much,
while fantasy gives you no time to think much.
surrealism is somewhat like putting your feet extra carefully at the very edge of that deadly cliff,
while fantasy is indeed like pretending you had the wings to save you when you're about to fall off it.

this is not a battle,
just a stand point. a point zero on one level of being aware towards "i'm alive"
which might be repeated on any other level, later.

this is not a battle,
because both are having the saturation point at one hundred and no less.

[Juni] penyeberangan.

kesunyian adalah jalan layang yang membelah pantai, juga sesekali sawah
bersama deretan mobil berkecepatan 1 kilometer per jam
berkejaran dengan matahari yang memerah dan merendah
untuk lebih dulu sampai di rumah, tempat hati sekali lagi terpejam.

[notes] a song for a pinkish future.

This is the most beautiful stage on G-Dragon's 1st World Tour : One of A Kind Concert I attended last Saturday. He sang one of his ballad type single, "Butterfly", which I hardly love for some illogical reason. His voice, especially in this song, is so addictive I don't think I could ever get over it. The stage, the performance was perfect, with digital visual art in the background as beautiful as I imagined it would be. The illustration fit the song perfectly. 

[Pinkish. Cloudy. Windy. With butterfly puppets along the stage.]

I was speechless, nearly wanted to shed some tears (and I still do, whenever I remember back the show). The song itself hold some special meaning to me, like I said before, for some illogical reason. You know, sometimes people have tendency to keep their memory labelled with certain song as its sign. And normally, it would be song that was a hit or often played during the time when the occasion happened. Both the occasion and song came from the very same dimension of time. 

But, every now and then, there were some exception. Those were when both the occasion and song came from the very different dimension of time. Well, in case of which the song came from an earlier time than the occasion, it would still make some senses. But when the song came from the future... that is another story. And this song is about the last. When I first heard this song, I automatically remembered a package of occasion which happened to occur long time before, years back when the song even haven't existed.

.

Maybe it is like about to meet somebody in the future, a soul mate for that matter, which you in the now knew perfectly who that would be, yet you can not imagine how he'd look like. Or who he actually might be. You just knew there would be this perfect mate for the soul which you will know by the time you meet him in real. This song is for such moment. I called it a 'pinkish future' moment. 

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There was the first time. I wish there would be the second time.