telaga.

satu pagi kulihat telaga di matamu,
dan jejak-jejak matahari di dasarnya.
kamu, dan senandung fajarmu
yang menggema dalam fana.
telagamu, yang jernihnya membangunkan jiwa
di tengah lelapnya rindu yang memburu.
lalu kupanggil matamu,
dan kuselami hingga ke antara bukit.
karena mengenalmu adalah mengenal matahari
yang tahu setiap celah pada dalammu.

"Your feelings are your responsibility, not mine."

i made it very clear. if you don't understand what it means to be misunderstood, i doubt you would clearly get it :)

dalam mimpi.

lelaki yang tak pernah pulang,
kutemukan kamu dalam mimpi.
rasanya adalah tadi malam,
tapi sungguh itu tujuh tahun di belakang.

pada pagar beranda aku menatapmu,
yang bersembunyi berpunggung matahari senja.
tidakkah ada satu patah yang ingin kau lepas,
sebelum samudra menelanmu?

suara tangis gerimis tengah malam,
senandungmu yang penuh rindu, terlambat sampai kupingku.
semesta lelap, melupakanmu, melupakanku,
nyenyak bersama tautan yang menjelang di antara jemari.

mimpi putus oleh dunia,
dan rodanya yang menggilas serpihan tertinggal
sebuah rasa yang menjadikan tidur berbunga,
sepetik ragu yang menjadikan bunga laksana tanda.

ilusi bermain sampai pikiran,
berputar bersama takut, bersama percaya,
seakan tanda adalah segalanya.
padahal tak semua hati sanggup benar membacanya.

BIGBANG MADE Tour in Indonesia : A Review (Part I - A Wrap Up)

Wow, I am surprised to see that my last post about BIGBANG MADE Tour in Indonesia reached over than 5000 hits. It also got several repost on twitter :") Of course there're also other reviews circulating on social media, and I'm also amazed on how there're so many other flaws those being identified later. But I'm not gonna add them here and I'm not gonna make any second time filtering. I do hope the promoters got their lessons learnt.

Or not.

It's almost 3 x 24 hour post events and no official clarifications nor apology delivered. You can't say an apology on twitter (and a private one to that) official right. And still, no explanations. We deserve them. Reading how they responded to our complaints made me end up feeling sick (literally I had a fever) and crazily mad (please, I want to stay civilized). So I was so happy when I scrolled my twitter timeline and found this :

Clarification and Official Apology For The Mistreatment in Big Bang MADE Concert in Jakarta

It was indeed a mistreatment!

Please, people, don't misunderstood. Don't see this as we exaggeratedly defending our favorite artists, or egocentrically spoiling our demands. This is not about that. This is about consumer rights the promoter had violated. By paying an amount of price, normally we hope to get 'goods' appropriate with the price tag. In this case, we didn't get that. The differences in qualities promised and what we got in reality was just too huge. That's the case. And for us who worked really hard to pay the number and wait really long for 'goods' (in this case it's the show), this is a serious matter.

If you happened to be a VIP, especially who attended MADE Tour in Indonesia, I hope you would like to sign the petition and spread it :)

Done my sign.

I hope from now on, I can move on from my disappointment and rage towards the event's organizer. And I sincerely hope, these kind of things wouldn't happen to any VIPs out there :)


Now let's get readyyy for MADE Series E!!! Yay!



#MADETOURINA #personal #theworldofafangirlsheart

BIGBANG MADE Tour in Indonesia : A Review (Part I)

So, yesterday I finally crossed one of my top wishlist : watching a BIGBANG full concert, BIGBANG 2015 World Tour [MADE] in Jakarta, held on August 1st, 2015 at Indonesia Convention Exhibition (ICE) BSD City by promoter Melania Citra Prima (MCP) and AMI Live Entertainment. I need to convey all my feelings concerning the show and I'd like to write them down on two parts : Part I would be talking about how the event was held and Part II would be talking about the show itself and the boys too ;) I need to seperate the two parts as the mood were way too different for both.

Let's start from the the first part then.

Disclaimer : this part would be mostly felt bitter. Please proceed at your own risk, otherwise you might want to skip this. I'd try my best to write as polite as I could, yet I won't hold myself from being blunt and to the point. To be honest, I'm not even in a mood to write in a descriptive way, yet I want to get this uneasy feeling to come out once for all. So I'm gonna make it all straight. All the articles of official announcements regarding the event by promoter could be viewed here, and I'd used them as reference to write all pointers on this first part.

First thing first, I'm thankful for the promoter, of which I believe worked their hardest to bring my most favorite superstars here. However, from the very bottom of my heart I really really really do wish they would not ever even think to organize any other event, international events (including concerts), especially, unless they learnt their lesson. So UNPROFESSIONAL.

Let me sort it out (note : these points were gathered from personal observation or fan accounts through twitter on replies to MCP) :

The "promises" that didn't happen : 

• A limited VIP Package >> what's so limited of an overly crowded section? if it's really true that they sold 1.200 of VIP Package (and later somebody said it was actually 2.300 people on the PINK section), i think we have different interpretation of the word "limited" and "VIP".
• Sound check and fast track available only for VIP Package >> how about additional given through lucky draw for late sale?
• That the VIP Package would enter the venue before sound check, no need to queue again and re-enter the venue >> is a big NO. we had to queue twice, for the sound check and for the actual concert. with such number of VIP ticket holder, it was sure a chaos organizing audience to go into the venue, then go out, re-queue, and re-enter again. 
• There would be limited lockers >> no locker at all.
• There would be a gift corner >> none at all! this is the worst.
• Prohibition to bring any kind of camera and other gadgets such as tabs and tongsis. also small chairs >> spotted some tongsis, some people said there were even DSLR camera passed the security checked, and there was definitely some people brought small chairs into the section.
• Prohibition to bring foods and drink the the venue >>  food and drink brought from outside were confiscated, yet they provided a hall with food/drink with no proper number of trash bags. bottles and boxes everywhere. so messy >.<
• The concert should be started at 6.30 pm >> it was not started on time. the boys had to cut one song from encore :((

Missed common preparation : 

• The venue was actually very good! However it was very unfortunate that the promoter looked like did not do a check and recheck, might as well did not do a proper preparatiosn, for following matters : space layout (that's one big venue, for God sake), almost all the toilets did not function well (no water on jet washer--oh please, no water even on washtafel washbowl (edited. i'm sorry for the typo, but i don't wish to delete this post. sorry for the inconvenience, i was just too emotional to check before.)...these are so basic!), and some people even said it was hard finding rooms for prayer. 
• NO PUBLICATION BANNER & SIGN SYSTEM. This is crucial. No banner or any sign to show there will be BIGBANG performing at the day. No signage showing literally where people needs to go, whether where the queue lines for each categories, where the merchandise stall, where the food trucks, which way to go in, and etc. These are also very basic. How come?
• NO COORDINATION AMONG CREWS. Yes, everything those happened yesterday convinced this. Just when audiences asked something to nearest crew, all the answer was :"Wah, i don't know." Really?? Weren't you there suppose to help the event to go smoothly??
• A very messy queue system. Just as I predicted before, and even worse. Really. It was so chaotic, the YG staff even had to help managing the ins and outs of VIP's ticket holder on sound checks and the actual concert time. Some people on twitter even said they looked so upset with the local security.

To complete the list, these are information I just known after the show :

• Apparently some security guards allowed around 50s people to enter the venue without tickets. Like, SERIOUSLY? This could mean no security, no?
• Some merchandise were sold with higher price than how much it's suppose to be.
• There were logos of another entertainment agency on the merchandise plastic wrapping. You gotta be kidding me!
• The send off event was a total mess. Some of the lucky draw winner got to leave the concert venue early, missing the encore, to wait outside while it was raining and no shelter just to find later that the boys has just left the venue without the send-off. That's so cruel, in my opinion. 
• I know the stage (including lightings) and the sound system were not part of MCP responsibility but rather AMI Live's. However, as the local promoter who suppose to know the venue better, I think MCP could also coordinate the technical issues better. Now I know I am not the only one who very disappointed with the sound. The boys were still singing well, though, but somehow I feel they felt inconvenient with the sound. I hope that's only my proven-wrong thought. 

Okay, that's from me. If you want to see how bad we, Indonesian VIPs, were very disappointed by promoter works, just go to their twitter and read all those furious replies. Those tell everything.  

Hufft . . .

Do they even aware that they held a world tour concert event with over than 5000 audience?

Do they even realize it was BIGBANG they were bringing?

Do they even know it was VIPs they're dealing with?



Okay. Let's end the Part I here. I don't even want to remember how messy things were anymore. I even had a hard time admitting that the price I paid was very much not worth it. Honestly speaking it ruined my mood very much. I hope the promoter and the crew learnt their lesson. And I do think they owe the audience a press conference clarifying everymessythings those happened and of course, an apology, towards VIPs and all the audience, and to the boys. Their concert deserves much much muchhhhh better handling.

It was only and ONLY the BIGBANG themselves who save the night. But that's on PART II, guys :)


#MADETOURINA #personal #theworldofafangirlsheart
I'm very sorry for the bad words, but I really need to let these out. Will do some second time filtering later. As for now, this first draft needed to be published the way it is.


ps : when i saw some of the fancams later the day after, it broke my heart to see Daesung's worried expression watching the audience were pushing each other and Ri's being surprised of the sudden fireworks at sound check. but what i hate the most was some disrespectful words someone said about Ri with mentioning his name on her IG's group photo with Ri himself. how come they let them :'(

wahai,

akan kukejar kau ke ujung dunia
dan memaksakan jejak maya yang seharusnya tertapak.


sekian,
karena saya masihlah manusia biasa.

demikian, tentangmu.

dan lalu, kesatria terbang.
ke langit ke sembilan, semesta yang dibangunnya setelah mimpi.
tak ada tanah yang mampu menahannya tetap pada bumi.
tak pula jejaring cerita semu akan ingatan yang berurai.

dan lalu tentang puri,
yang masih belum pondasi :
sebuah galeri kaca suaka segala asumsi.
tentang dia. siapa lagi.

juga tentang hati. yang ini milikku.

suatu pagi di duaribudua.
suatu malam di duaribusembilan.
labirin itu buntu. sudah. dan tetap demikian. sampai nanti.

dan akhirnya, kesatria terbang.
meleburkan labirin, tanpa menengok lagi ke belakang.


maka kali ini, giliran hati milikku,
- karena ia tak pernah putri yang dicarinya -
untuk kembali percaya pada rasa yang nyata.

- suatu waktu di duaribulimabelas :

untuk semua putaran energi misterius,

yang mencari rumahnya bersama tarian aksara

surat-surat cinta yang tak bertakdir,

terima kasih.

change.

have i told you before,
that you're the one who changed my morning :
from a bluish floral-patterned gown to cotton shorts and light white t-shirt

have i told you before,
that you're the one who changed my noon :
from bread and coffee - if not skipping lunch - to a full set of green salad

have i told you before,
that you're the one who changed my early evening :
from daydreams and random scribble to proper reading and past writings color-palette experiments

have i told you before,
that you're the one who changed my nights :
simply, from cups of black coffee to a full mug of hot chocolate

have i told you before,
that it's only my midnights you could never do anything about :
since it's where all of our changes met and had their battle. for good and for the absence of infinity.

daylights told no lies,
while truths are however hidden beyond the darkest of nights.
that so, when your only request was please be honest with me,
it's easy. we have all the midnights in the universe
(the unalterable that refuses to hide anything) :
to witness our unspeakable confessions, to hide all the truths only our hearts know.

yes, it was.

it was a plain phase of seasons changing,
not your typical : nice, no longer too cold yet too warm.

it was a boring melody of lullabies,
a company for through zillion nights of hopelessness.

it was a shaken faith of spiritual encounters,
a harshly quiet battle between trust and distrusts.

it was a series of nights of thousands untold tales,
a beginning, a conflict, and an ending. a closure of all.

it was never an open ending of yesterday,
so that better never, in fact, the right word to start the day.

it was how things slowly vanished, and reborn.

[sidenotes] LOSER.

a solo clip for TAEYANG story line. a full LOSER MV here.

despite how out of senses it might be, this clip is a very well packed summary of reasons why he is my bias. as much as i am open minded to an opposite attract theory, similarities speak no lies.

at first, however, i was dumbfounded, "that's it? really?" i didn't even bothered to elaborate the story line. what is there a metaphor of loser actually? but then various keywords flew through my head. all struck me. 

faithless. museless. emptiness. anxiousness.

i just strangely feel i could relate to those restlessness. strangely, i could feel the urge to question nearly everything, to unreasonably drive other people mad and then throwing the additional punch when they gave "what's your problem, dude?", to isolate myself among those trash pile (which i, too, strangely assumed as a metaphor to a cumulative mess of life you've unconsciously been cultivating, in a worse version : your sins). to randomly spread the signs of longing with those "leave me alone" vibe. spoiled much, no. he needs a big hug, from the back. with some "bro, calm down, would you".

nonetheless, his tearless cry while lying on the ground and his gaze on that black knitted mask perfectly represent those kind of emotions i'd like to hide from the rest of the world. because, of course, nobody (literally as in nobody) would understand anyway. being complicated is a choice, as addictive as it is, a twisted version of happiness. happiness on a parallel universe, might be.

i guess this clip tickles the masculine side of my brain just right. 

ps : so that's how the wheelchair came, i see *deep sigh*