ada yang bisa selesai tanpa harus jadi puisi :
saat semesta bersepakat dengan tuhan,
ini masanya hati mendewasa dengan rasa yang terwadah, bukan tertumpah.
.
dan diam-diam di belakang,
deretan aksara yang sedang kaku dalam bertautan pun mengamini.
22.3.14
30 | patah hati.
pagi-pagi menyapu sisa-sisa serpihan hati yang patah tadi malam.
namun mungkin satu dua tetap tertinggal sebagai pengingat,
agar tak pernah ada kata terbiasa.
hati yang patah, lagi-lagi adalah penanda
bagi sebuah rasa yang tumbuh sejelas-jelasnya
pada sepetak ruang yang belum benar.
hati yang patah, tidak sama dengan hati yang kalah
hati yang patah, hanya perlu bertumbuh sedikit lagi bersama waktu
untuk menjadi ruang yang lapang untuk sebuah rasa yang sejati.
.
catatan : tentang patah hati adalah perkara yang tidak berujung.
namun mungkin satu dua tetap tertinggal sebagai pengingat,
agar tak pernah ada kata terbiasa.
hati yang patah, lagi-lagi adalah penanda
bagi sebuah rasa yang tumbuh sejelas-jelasnya
pada sepetak ruang yang belum benar.
hati yang patah, tidak sama dengan hati yang kalah
hati yang patah, hanya perlu bertumbuh sedikit lagi bersama waktu
untuk menjadi ruang yang lapang untuk sebuah rasa yang sejati.
.
catatan : tentang patah hati adalah perkara yang tidak berujung.
8.3.14
31 | point zero.
in the name of flowers and uncertainties
in the whispers of rainy morning dew
in the footsteps of leaving seconds
i barely recall your past presence,
i barely remembered your promise
in the name of unsent letters,
in the name of thank you for being there.
and i barely told you i was waiting.
in the whispers of rainy morning dew
in the footsteps of leaving seconds
i barely recall your past presence,
i barely remembered your promise
in the name of unsent letters,
in the name of thank you for being there.
and i barely told you i was waiting.
[journal] writing, lately.
Okay, I have to admit that I'm having the worst relationship with writing on this period (semester to be precise). Even as I could remembered, I still wrote during my hectic days of thesis and even on my busy days of year-end project reports. Something was just off, lately.
Usually, whenever things came to me, writing them off would be my automatic mode. No matter whether I would love or hate it, later. I just couldn't help being expressive through writing on this blog, the better under 'sketsa suara' tag. But lately, I think too much before posting almost anything. I became more and more worry whether that would be something worthy of posting or not, yet such thing never really that much of consideration. There's always a pair of edit-and-review thing.
I once said to my friend, maybe for the last years, writing had been my tool for searching of something. And that for now I thought I have found what I was looking for, so eventually, unconsciously I began to stop writing.
But it's not it. Turns out there's no such thing as settling down. There's no such thing as "finally finding".
Here's my proof : this month would be my last month working in that big city. I tell you, this is far from my plan, which originally outlined three-five years of living as the big-city-career-girl. And if you wonder where will I be starting from the next month, I tell you one more thing : I don't know. Who knows what kind of decision I would make at this very month. Who know which way I'd put my trust in, my intuition or my logic.
Or my pride.
.
So I just come with the idea to start again, from the scratch. To take notes of each encounters during my last stay in the city. Well, those might be not all a pleasant thing. But, documentation is about documenting. It's a neutral thing. No matter it's about good things or bad things. The documenting must go on.
Nonetheless, writing is one important decision I made when I was 27, yet I didn't know what kind of writing I want to make. Hence nothing was ever started, really. As for now, despite all those bitterness of the livelihood in the big city, it surprisingly gives me a very clear vision of that later thing. The starting point, however, is on my hand.
. .
Just in case, not too long from now I'd make a decision the future me would definitely regret.
Usually, whenever things came to me, writing them off would be my automatic mode. No matter whether I would love or hate it, later. I just couldn't help being expressive through writing on this blog, the better under 'sketsa suara' tag. But lately, I think too much before posting almost anything. I became more and more worry whether that would be something worthy of posting or not, yet such thing never really that much of consideration. There's always a pair of edit-and-review thing.
I once said to my friend, maybe for the last years, writing had been my tool for searching of something. And that for now I thought I have found what I was looking for, so eventually, unconsciously I began to stop writing.
But it's not it. Turns out there's no such thing as settling down. There's no such thing as "finally finding".
Here's my proof : this month would be my last month working in that big city. I tell you, this is far from my plan, which originally outlined three-five years of living as the big-city-career-girl. And if you wonder where will I be starting from the next month, I tell you one more thing : I don't know. Who knows what kind of decision I would make at this very month. Who know which way I'd put my trust in, my intuition or my logic.
Or my pride.
.
So I just come with the idea to start again, from the scratch. To take notes of each encounters during my last stay in the city. Well, those might be not all a pleasant thing. But, documentation is about documenting. It's a neutral thing. No matter it's about good things or bad things. The documenting must go on.
Nonetheless, writing is one important decision I made when I was 27, yet I didn't know what kind of writing I want to make. Hence nothing was ever started, really. As for now, despite all those bitterness of the livelihood in the big city, it surprisingly gives me a very clear vision of that later thing. The starting point, however, is on my hand.
. .
Just in case, not too long from now I'd make a decision the future me would definitely regret.
6.3.14
i always thought that having my works being claimed by others is the worst thing might ever happen in my personal pursuit of finding a place in this world. turned out i could handle that just right.
however, as much as i am aware that i'm not that good as a human being, and as much as i understand that to feel good about themselves (sometimes might exceed towards the point of to feel much better than others) are just human's nature, i found it's just really hard to accept being wrong framed so that somebody else could be looked as doing good.
well, that's just emotionally exhausted me to the point i even did something so stupid such as writing a gramatically too much error of a too long a sentence.
pardon me.
i know i should not write anything when it's only my 'reddish' emotion in control. but i feel that one day i'd need to be able to re-recognize this kind of emotion. just in case.
now that i wrote this down, i could finally have a hopefully peaceful sleep.
1.3.14
#10.
ketika matahari masih setia dengan bumi yang tak tertebak,
haruskah berhenti setia dengan cita-cita yang jelas menanti di ujung jalan?
28.2.14
padamu.
ada padamu, harum rumah seperti bantal tua yang kumal
ada padamu, hangat malam musim hujan seperti selimut tampal empat petak
ada padamu, merdu nyanyian pagi seperti derit pagar terbuka oleh pengantar koran
ada padamu, rumah sebagian hati
yang beratap tidak berdinding
yang bertaman tidak berpagar
ada padamu,
sepenggal dari perjalananku
24.2.14
Jatuh cinta : musim kedua.
Jatuh cinta kali ini seperti daun daun pohon mahoni saat meranggas
Tak kenal dahulu mendahului dalam kecepatan melepaskan diri dari ranting
Tak kenal menunggu yang terdahulu selesai dengan tanah
Jatuh cinta ya seperti daun-daun itu. Kuning. Ringan. Lepas. Melayang. Tak berarah. Hingga menyentuh dasar.
Jatuh.
Dan sekali angin, cinta-cinta kering itu lalu tersapu bersih
22.2.14
[notes] a scent of the second season.
dear earth,
for as long as there's no good bye waves from the rains
you may want to expect the second season coming down.
but no worries.
it has different scent you'd happily detect : it's either a morning dew, or a 4 am peeking sun.
it was a season where even stars dancing to your sky, despite the thunderstorm.
so no worries.
a pleasant scent is a sign of something good might be in the making.
.
dear rain,
how happy might you be, having countless seasons as your home.
for as long as there's no good bye waves from the rains
you may want to expect the second season coming down.
but no worries.
it has different scent you'd happily detect : it's either a morning dew, or a 4 am peeking sun.
it was a season where even stars dancing to your sky, despite the thunderstorm.
so no worries.
a pleasant scent is a sign of something good might be in the making.
.
dear rain,
how happy might you be, having countless seasons as your home.
20.2.14
when we were closer :
that's when we forgot how should it felt being at our early 20s.
that's when our windows were always opened towards each other at our shared backyard.
that's when a pause between our exchange of words was only a second away.
that's when a thousand miles was unimaginable.
when we were closer,
a distance was a change of heart away.
that's when closing the windows were never an option.
that's when our windows were always opened towards each other at our shared backyard.
that's when a pause between our exchange of words was only a second away.
that's when a thousand miles was unimaginable.
when we were closer,
a distance was a change of heart away.
that's when closing the windows were never an option.
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