[journal] one at a time.

feels like, in all of sudden, in a mood for this song.

i've just found out that i did too much things those now slowly causing damage to myself. i really don't know whether i could fix them all or not, but am trying. maybe must do it harder and harder, and of course one at a time. well, maybe this is another different road towards patience, since i usually want things to be all done in one time, not that in short-cut-kind-of-way but rather that in super-flash-kind-of-way. now i arrived in a point that there's no other way than keep calm and keep fixing things. that's why nowadays every time i meet the term "keep calm", i do keep calm. because i am fully aware that panicking things will only worsen the  damage.

so, i'm sending this message to the universe, by keeping some distance to it (well, if it feels so, anyway), "please, don't mess with me. not with my mind, not with my ego, and at most not with my heart. unless, of course, you'd love to clean the impact."

there's no meaning of feeling comfortable if it's, in return, gives you inconvenience. and i could never apologies enough to myself.

"Even if you don't understand the language, you can still love the music."

- CL / Lee Chae-rin of K-Pop Group 2NE1 (taken from here) -

how i love the quote, although to me, loving songs those meaning i understand are more preferable. it's good to get the poetic of the music, it would be as beautiful to understand the poetic of what it tried to tell the world. hence, learn languages :)

untuk mimpi yang pernah sekali tertitipkan, sungguh Tuhan tidak pernah lupa...

(suatu hari pada suatu jalan, suatu malam pada suatu persimpangan)

when in doubts, pray. rest the heart to Whom-it-originally-belongs. as for mind, pat its back, that's all it need.

(a night at another missing dream)

[journal] an old thought.

one wise friend of mine whom i respect much once said, (not specifically to me, though) more or less,  

"why worry for things those are absent, 

why not cherish those are present?"

that was on one super hectic day in early 2005, but sure it is one of great footprints i treasure. he might not realized how much that lines meant to me.

and nowadays i repeat it countless times, just to make sure i stay sane enough to separate dream from greed. 

in the end, i knew it that we all perceive happiness differently. and nothing's really wrong, or right, about that.

(a day in a summer, under the illusive freedom and peace).

[journal] kloter dan Rotterdam.

selamat ulang tahun, hey kamu dan kamu yang di atas sana!
tolong lihat sebentar, apakah langit malam ini tersusun oleh bintang yang rapat-rapat...
apakah ada satu, dua, atau seribu malaikat yang sedang sibuk mengatur bintang-bintang itu,
agar tak bersisa secuil pun celah...

dan, kalian bahagia tentunya?
Ramadhan di atas sana, apa rasanya... :)

ohya, kamu yang pergi duluan, 
andai sekarang ada di sini, ingin rasanya merajuk sedikit... "ini kloter terakhir! tapi aku tak juga terangkut... bagaimana dooong?? >.<"

dan kamu yang menyusul tak lama,
sungguh, aku ingin sekali mendengar cerita tentang Rotterdam di matamu :)

aku kangen kalian. kangen sekali.



semoga bahasa doa manapun sampai padaNya, 
menjadi penghapus dosa dan pelapang ruang berdua pada langit.

keep calm.

...and keep calm.


and deal the things with style. with my own style. on the right place.


and do (always) remember there is God for all the uncontrollable. 


these are my mantras for these days. and believe it or not, they worked :)

tujuh menit.

kuminta waktumu tujuh menit, tuan.
tentukan saja tempat dan waktunya,
(tapi kalau boleh aku memilih,
tolonglah pilihkan sebuah persimpangan empat arah,
dan pilihkan pula waktu di mana matahari bersahabat dengan bayang-banyang).

tujuh menit saja, tuan.
kuminta waktumu.
dan hatimu.

sepenuhnya.


dan biarlah menit kedelapan menjadi rahasia sebuah catatan tentang pertautan.
atau tentang sebuah selisih jalan.

botol kaca.

ada masa depan di dalam botol kaca.
ia terbungkus air berpitakan mahkota tujuh bunga merah jambu yang mengambang.


ada laki-laki wangi melati,
yang memegang erat si botol, seakan ia adalah cintanya.


takdir tidak berbau harum.
kekasih yang habis mandi kembang,
hanya akan bernamakan belahan jiwa 
manakala mahkota bunga pada rambutnya meruapkan wangi menembus penciuman tuhan.